Another obviously forged memo? (full details of the memo here) Has the media learned nothing? This time it’s about some supposed repulbican [sic] talking points on the Terri Shivo [sic] case, and Patrick Hynes wants a name for this scandal. I suggest “Super Fakey Talking Point Scandal Number One!”
Anyway, the American media is important to a working democracy, so I’ve decided to help out by explaining to the MSM how to make more competent forgeries. I’ve been forging things since an early age including pirate treasure maps, UFO photos, Syrian passports, and Bolvian currency. I even forged my own Rathergate memo– much more competently than CBS. Thus, I’ve learned a thing or two allowing me to write this guide.
THE DOs AND DON’Ts OF FORGING MEMOS
DO research the style of the time period and subject you are going to forge. If you’re forging the founding father, then you need those wacky s’s that look like f’s. Also, if forging a memo from the pope, hold back on the profanity.
DON’T use colloquialism such as “fashizzle” in a forged memo proving that FDR was against private accounts.
DO pay close attention to details of actual memos so as better to forge your own. This might include adding melted cheese stains to your memo if it’s supposed to have been written by Michael Moore.
DON’T just “do your own thing, dawg” and hack out your forged memo on napkin using crayon to make a lost letter from Ronald Reagan stating that abortion is “crazy cool!”
DO spell-check your document if you’re going to write it using MS Word (the software choice for forgers).
DON’T add clip art to illustrate your point if it’s supposed to be a document from the twenties.
DO try to put yourself in the mindset of who you’re forging the document of. For instance, if forging a document during WWI, you wouldn’t refer to the war as “WWI”.
DON’T let anarchism slip into your forgery. Before using whiteout, make sure they had that back in the days of Abraham Lincoln. Also, don’t have Lincoln quote from Dude, Where’s My Car? as that will bring the memo instantly into question.
Forging is a fun activity, but it also takes time. Remember, it should take longer to forge a document than it took an actual one to be written; that’s something whoever hacked on the Rathergate documents on MS Word didn’t realize.
Now go make some news!
First and or third…
Real funny. First i think!
You got first AJ. I was in deadly combat with a spam-bot and was held up. I only wounded it though Frank.
Frankj, you will not believe this, but I HAVE AN AUTHENTIC MEMO FROM TERRI SCHIAVO HERSELF! Penned just moments ago on a Hooters napkin.
And it says Quote: “Murmfurg hooyugh jjujnugh umnghpoooo!”
Sources tell me that after submitting this memo a reporter from CNN asked her opinion on the idea of giving her feeding tube to Michael Moore. She reportedly raised her middle finger in defiance.
I have a memo from Karl Rove adamantly denying involvement in anything at all. This of course means that he controls everything, including all the comments on this site…
Plea Deal for your information Karl Rove doesn’t control “all of the comments on this site”. In fact his only job is to interpret The Book of Punditry for the President. You moonbats are sooo dumb.
This has obviously been cooked up by Carl Rove and the VRWC to deflect attention from Bush’s real plans to steal all the old people’s welfare checks and give them to Halliburten…but shhhhh…it’s working…
Personally, I think Scott McClellan controls everything. He’s just a master of deception!
But who controls McClellan and Rove?
I’ll tell you!
The jooooos! (or maybe not).
You forged Bolian currency? You fiend! I lost millions in the Bolian Credit Exchange because of you!
Hey,
Is the s’s that look like f’s a Stan Freburg thing, or are you way to young for that Frank?
Funny either way.
Save Toby (not), at savetoby.com
Hey, Ben Zeen, Frank said he forged Bolvian currency, which, as we all know, was much more profitable than Bolian or even Bolivian moneys.
Did the media also forge the audio tape of Tom Delay addressing the Family Research Council..saying how the Schiavo situation is a gift from God to the prolife movement..to spotlight their plight?
Yeah…it’s all a big conspiracy.
Hope ya’ll have a big box of Reynolds Wrap for your trouble. LOL
Not to toot my own horn, but I landed an interview with the actual, true, and accurate source of both questionable memos. You can read it here.
I guess this means that I’ve got the journalistic integrity to work for a major network.