So now Syria is placing its head under the guillotine (Iran has a sigh of relief; North Korea squeaks, “We have nukes! Pay attention to us!”). I did a KTE on them a while back (it was the second one I did), but I don’t think a fruit basket will save them this time. They have the Lebanese angry at them, and we know they had part of a bombing in Tel Aviv.
Now, I dunno how this is gonna play out– but let’s pretend I do. The Syrian dictatorship will continue to weaken, but no violence by the U.S. will be needed to topple it as eventually the public will decimate the leadership, starting by kicking Bashar al-Asad in the nards (there’s some significance to that if you check the Koran). They will then have elections, which will be watched over by Jimmy Carter. He will be shot by the Syrians, which the U.S. will condemn as “unnecessary” but “understandable.”
Now, the mad mullahs of Iran will now be like, “Holy @#$%! We’re totally @#$%!” They’ll try to smuggle out some nuclear weapons, but the youth in Iran will revolt and totally lay the beat-down on the mullahs. It’ll be like pro-wrestling, but with more blood. The youth will then hold a rock concert to welcome in the new area of democracy which will be funded by selling the nukes on eBay. They will be purchased by Rupert Murdoch (“FOX News – Fair and Balanced and Now a Nuclear Power”).
Now all the dictators left in the Middle East will be freaking out and allowing real elections as they escape to France for indefinite vacations. Osama bin Laden and little Zarqawi will be like “@#$% @#$%!” and shave their beards to disguise themselves as they flee to the Palestinians for protection. There, they will be mistaken for American protestors and run over with bulldozers by the Israelis. The Israelis will also by now have raided the Palestinians arms supplies and taken possession of all their rocks, leaving them completely defenseless. The Palestinians will flee to France and declare that was always really their ancient homeland.
All of Middle East will be prosperous democracies by the end of Bush’s second term (“But remember Abu Ghraib!” his detractors will shout). The remaining Democrats will be hunted down and then confined to a preserve called “Massachusetts.” The only remaining Islamo-fascists in the world will be in Old Europe and cause World War III – which will last all of eight minutes.
North Korea will squeak, “We really have nukes!” but we still won’t be able to get ourselves to care.
Finally, a national day of happy dancing will be declared.
Well, that all the important events for the next few years. Now you can stop paying attention to the news and play videogames like I will be doing.
Later, ronin.
LOL… funny mental picture of Brit Hume saying that on the evening news…
LOL! “He will be shot by the Syrians, which the U.S. will condemn as “unnecessary” but “understandable.” I love it. And shouldn’t the democrats be sent to the West Coast? That way, if North Korea would launch nukes, they would take out the dems first.
LOL! Great stuff as always Frank!
Frank…you so funny. I especially liked the Syrian elections and Jimmy Carter’s poor demise.
The remaining Democrats will be hunted down and then confined to a preserve called “Massachusetts.”
ROFL! Instant classic. sigh Why can’t it be true?
Why can’t it be true? Because I live in Massachusetts! Don’t send any more liberals here, we’re all stocked up. I suggest we export them to Canada.
I suggest we send them to ANWR. Then NUKE IT!
Andy,
But there’s oil there.
I’m, uh, sort of challenged when it comes to dancing, happy or otherwise. In less charitable terms, I’m a complete klutz. Where can I order Frank J’s Happy Dance instructional DVD?
Fair, Balanced and Now a Nuclear Power!
ROTFL
I can just see Shepard Smith with his finger on the button during the G Block. “Hmmm. Let’s see what annoying celebrity should we menace today? Ahhh here we go. JoLo and Ben say your prayers. Yep that’ll work. Oh, and Britney, got your insurance paid up? Wanna make sure your step-kids are provided for in the event of a messy demise.”
I did a google on Koran+nards and some interesting stuff did indeed come up.
Sure, the government will have to condemn the shooting of Jimmy Carter as “unnecessary” but “understandable.” But a week or two later there’ll be a national “Take A Baathist To Lunch Day,” to let them know how we really feel.
True enough, Utron. And following that, there will be an outbreak of Flash videos on the internet featuring Mr. Peanut doing a happy dance on Carter’s grave. >:o)
I have toiled day after day, fighting the forces of darkness, or at least dull-grayness, to put out intelligent analysis of the Middle East and Frank writes this and makes everything I’ve ever written look like sheep dip. The scales have fallen from mine eyes and I am exposed for the piker that I am.
Oh Frank J! Why dost thou mock me?!
So how is this supposed to be funny? It sounds like a perfectly workable plan to me, especially the part about Fox. But I don’t think we should wait to ‘invite’ the liberals to relocate….
No more libs to Massachusetts!
We are WAY too full of them as it is.
I can’t drive down the street with out seeing some liberal driving their car/suv/truck with a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on it. I yell out “looser” too many times a day as it is. NO MORE!
Open the flood gates and herd them up north, where they can have their precious socialized health care.
How much do yo think we’d have to pay Canada to take some surplus liberals off our hands?