There are a lot of people who hate bush for idiotic and imagined reasons. Now, some conservatives don’t like him for some fiscal policies, but, of course, the left hate him viscerally for tinfoil hat reasons that Bush and Rove are plotting to destroy the earth and enslave everybody. Those people froth at the mouth at the mention of Bush. They’re convinced freedom to dissent is being quashed even though no one is stopping them from babbling like idiots.
Actually, of all these haters I’ve seen, they all hate for things they think Bush is doing or will do, but none have actually been personally affected in any significant way by Bush’s policies to bring any credit to their rancor.
I, on the other hand, am affected quite personally by Bush’s policies.
President Bush is ruining my sex life.
Yeah, this is usually far from anything I’d discuss on this blog, but, with the permission of SarahK, I thought this was worth talking about.
See, SarahK and I are waiting for marriage (“Waiting for what at marriage?” the slow ask). Call us crazy, call us Jesus-freaks, but we’re trying to be moral. You see, Jesus seems like a really good guy. He even died for our sins – he didn’t have to do that. Least we could do is listen to him even if that means battling with the hormones – who are pretty good fighters, I’ll tell you what. No one is whipping me or nailing me to a cross, though; hell, I ain’t getting nailed at all. I’ll live; just have to wait until we are officially married and everything is good and holy.
So, the question is: When’s the wedding date?
Well, there’s the rub, so to speak. There’s no way I can get married without my brother, Joe foo’ the Marine, being the best man. Problem is, he just got sent to Iraq, and, as for his return, things are… well… fluid. He could return this year, but that’s if things go well. That’s if Bush’s policies in Iraq are a success. If things go to hell, then my brother is going to have to stay longer and the wedding will have to wait.
And I’ll have to wait.
Thus we get to the point: Bush’s handling of Iraq directly affects how long I have to wait until I get some.
Any of you liberals have this problem? No I don’t think so.
Well, my brother’s been there about a week or so and called his wife since telling her that things are going great and morale is really high. So, things are looking good so far. But, if I turn on the T.V. and see some new big terrorist attack, that means ‘ole Frankie-boy has to wait, and the hormones just don’t understand the bigger picture.
Sure, my brother being deployed longer has to be hard on him too with him being away from his wife, but at least he gets to kill people. Where do I get to direct my energy? My bongos to my Donkey Konga game?
I’ve been called a “chicken hawk” before, but, now that I have real stakes in the fight in Iraq do I want to cut and run? It sure would benefit me personally, but I still think we should keep the fight up until the situation in Iraq is stable – even if that means I have to… uh… persevere.
So, Bush, who is a born again Christian and should understand this, please don’t screw things up or I won’t get… well, that’s vulgar. Anyway, I want everyone to pray for the safety of my brother and for the end of the terrorist attacks and the suffering they cause – both to the Iraqis and to me.
FIRST!
I just missed the first half of the Pledge of Allegiance for that, but it was worth it.
Why don’t you have a civil ceremony now, and have the “big do” when he returns. That way you can have 2 weddings Sarah K may like that!
Just a thought.
My family’s prayers are with your brother in Iraq
Who knows maybe W is a closet IMAO fan and he’ll pull the troops out and nuke the Middle East to help Frank out
I’m sure there could be lesser reasons for glassing over and entire region, I mean a sexually frustrated Mr. Sarah K, I mean Frank J might not be as funny.
I am so proud of you for waiting, you crazy Jesus freak you. Your marriage will be blessed for starting it out the right way.
Wendy,
It’s tempting…
Tell your bro to get a few rug pilots for me!
Frank my good man, props on waiting, way to take a stand. Also, one option you may want to consider is to have the wedding, and then have a big reception later (when your bro gets back). Hear me out on this one. Have the wedding someplace nice, but far away. Make it a real small wedding, so if anyone you don’t invite actually wants to make the whole trip, it’ll sting less when you say ‘oh, we’re just having a small wedding’. Think of the money you’ll save by not paying for 300 people to eat after your wedding. Then, for the big reception when your bro gets home, you can have it put on by your mom and all your aunts who see it as a family reunion – they’ll do all the cooking and set up (and spending $$), and you’ll just bless them with your presence.
It’s win-win.
I think Patriot xeno has hit it on the head!! Win Win! Kudos for waiting and your brother is in my thoughts!
Check this out … Some inspiring t-shirts!
Perhaps a new advertiser!
http://www.waitwear.com
Wendy,
it’s not at all tempting. i hate weddings, they’re such a beating, and nothing but stress for the bride. my limit is 1.
My sister’s husband came home much earlier than anticipated from Iraq – things are improving drastically over there.
But that doesnt mean we shouldnt nuke it for good measure.
Wait, wait, you’ve got this all backwards. Getting married is when you stop having sex.
fly to Iraq and take the wedding to your bro instead of waiting for him to come back here. of course, if you have to fly the whole family(ies), could be major coin…
Piggybacking on sailor sam’s idea, the solution is for everyone in the wedding party to enlist. I bet you could work out with the recruiter to ship you all to the same place if you all signed up at once.
Frank, I just celebrated my 12th anniversary on 3/20 (took the wife to Tavern on the Green … she’s from NYC … SHE liked it … ‘nuf said).
Anyway, DUDE I feel your pain. We waited. (and waited, and waited, and waited…)
I just want to encourage you that married sex is the best sex! They have done gagillions of studies on it and its true. And no matter how macho, or experienced you “think” you are, you won’t really learn anything about how to please your woman for quite a few years. But its the best education you’ll ever have (practice, practice, practice).
Also, she can give you one thing after you’re married that no other woman on earth can give you: guilt-free sex! Hallelujah!
LOL… I will pray for your brother, Frank, and for the both of you, so he gets sent home SOON.
Hubby-head and I also waited for the wedding… guaranteeing that he will NEVER forget our anniversary date because of all the times he repeated “May 19th” over and over and over to remind himself that the end was in sight. 😉
I’m proud of you two for doing the right thing – so few do anymore. Cheers!
Sarah K & Frank J:
I have followed you two since the beginning of your relationship, and have been so happy and excited by how cool it has been. Anywho, just so happy for you both and wanted to try and help because the wait is a real bummer. My husband and I want to thank your brother for serving our country and protecting our freedom. Best wishes!
Wait on the wedding until the last possible moment…and then wait some more! She’s acting like nothing will change, Frank! But she’s lying! Once the Priest says “I pronounce you man & wife” it’s over man…she’s got your butt and you are now officially whipped! All your cool stuff is now out, kaput, for sale or given away. If you subscribe to any rags like Car & Driver or Boating, cancel your subscription cause your money will be spent on chick stuff…She will deny it now but take it from us old married guys…it’s over once you say “I do”. She might as well take you to the vet and have your stones removed…same thing…but hey congratulations to both of you!!! I’ve been in wedded bliss for 26 years now…
hmmm I’ve always been more of a try it before you buy it kind of girl, (I blame catholic school) so I can’t say I relate to the whole waiting thing.
I don’t know if you can really blame dubya for the choice you chose to make. Power to you for fighting the hormonies and all, but that was your decision.
I hope your brother stays safe and comes home soon.
Congratulations. Takes guts to admit that is going on. It takes even more to willfully hold off based on a finish line you can’t see. My prayers are with your brother (and with you for waiting.)
Does Sarahk consider a hooker (before the wedding of course) to be a form of cheating? I know she’s a Texan, so you never know what she’s going to count.
🙂
Mazel tov, y’all.
Have you thought about getting married in Iraq? That way he can be your best man, and you & SarahK can bag a few terrorists between the ceremony and the reception.
Way to go. My hubby and I had 5 long years of waiting. In May we celebrate 8 wonderful years of sex-yippee! And for those who say it stops after marriage…you married the wrong gal! One recommendation though SarahK before you get married-read Dr. Laura’s “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. AWESOME book about how to take care of your man and avoid common female pitfalls.
It’s legit, you know it s a hit when the neptunes and the doggy dogg fin a spit….if you need to breathe I got the best weed minus seeds.
Well.. the best way to avoid having sex is get married.
Frank, sounds like the problem isn’t Bush’s policies, it’s those terrorists running around Iraq mucking everything up for everyone. What a bunch of hypocrites! First they want to go off and meet their 72 virgins, and your brother is nice enough to speed them on their way, but at the same time they’re trying to keep you from getting some!
Where I come from, that just ain’t cool.
Well, i am surely feeling the frustation that you must endure. Unfortunately, I must stay that way until i either get out of med school, or find someone during that time. What’s even worse, i still have 2 more years ’til i even get to med school. sigh
I know you love your brother, Frank, but he’ll understand if you just have to run to the courthouse without him. If he loves you enough to be your best man, he’ll understand.
Trust me, it’s worth waiting. I didn’t (we “jumped the gun” a few months before the wedding) and it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. At the time it wasn’t, but further down the line it turned out to have some unforeseen consequences.
or, you could ask one of your close relatives to die (or come really close to it) so joe foo could come home for the funeral.
I second what Wendy said. Just go through the ceremony when he gets back.
I’m with Wendy too. My honey and I had a long engagement and man was it tough! We managed to wait until our wedding night (well, afternoon actually!) but I don’t know if we could’ve lasted another week! The Bible says “It’s better to marry than to burn in lust”. Amen.
And, as and aside, I’m sure Joe foo’ would understand completely!!
Way to go Frank J. It’s encouraging to see a couple do the right thing. Also, I think Egghead has a suggestion worth looking into.
VEGAS, BABY!!
or better yet, hold the wedding in IRAQ!
Whoa, I’m a genius.
I can sort of relate, though I can’t blame Bush.
My fiance and I planned on getting married this summer, but, unfortunately, his mother was diagnosed with cancer. I really want her to be at the wedding, and she really wants to be there, but she can’t go anywhere right now and she can’t have a lot of people around her.
So, we’ll need to figure out what to do. I don’t really want to have two weddings, but we’ve been thinking of having a small ceremony with her and re-affirming vows later with everyone else.
Maybe you could do something similar.
Wait a minute…. This could be trouble.
I kid.
tell your brother to get a ride home kerry-style. a scrath here, some rice shrapnel there… you’re just a few “injuries” away from… well, you know what from.
of course, in order for him to leave iraq early, he’d better do some major terrorist killin now to make up for the missed time
I think this calls for an EMERGENCY EXTRACTION! We’ll make up a nice Joe foo’ cardboard cut-out from one of the peace gallery photos, fly to Iraq, Switch the cut-out for Joe, so he won’t be counted as A.W.O.L., fly back, hit the local nudie bar, get you hitched, give him a couple of hours to get drunk and have some shrimp puffs, then we can have him back making the world safe before anyone notices. As soon as Frank gets Joe’s G.P.S. frequency, we can get started.
I have been an avid reader of IMAO for months, and this is the first comment I’ve posted. Love the blog immensely.
My wife and I also waited, although we had a somewhat abreviated engagement, which is a long story. We waited because we are both practicing Catholics, but after the marriage I came to understand the real benefits. It does make the marriage seem more meaningful, and it solidifies the nature and gravity of the committment before you actually say “I do”. So, good for you.
As for your brother, I don’t know what to tell you. My brother was my best man, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. However, I seriously don’t know how long I could have waited. My general advice is simply this: wait for as long as you can, but if your relationship with the lovely SarahK starts to suffer, get married and send an apology to your brother. Your first priority is the happiness of your wife and the healthiness of your marriage- as much as you love your brother, he comes second.
My wife’s brother wasn’t able to make it to our wedding for logistical reasons- her family lives in Malaysia and he couldn’t travel here when we planned the wedding. It was hard on her, but looking back I don’t think she’d have wanted to wait the additional year before he could come.
tabstop… i meant “1 more”.
that reminds me. at dinner after we were engaged, i was fawning over how well he did with the proposal and the ring, and he said, “well, i wanted it to be special. you only get engaged once… oh, uh, sorry.” 🙂
The fiance and I are also waiting. We are also not getting married until May 2006, so it is a constant struggle. Fortunately or unfortunately she is living far far away from me at the moment. I’m in delaware, she is in north carolina. When means even if we wanted to fool around, the opportunities are unavailable.
this will help:
Technical Virgin
Hang on King J! endure the pain! it’s worth it.
And if the hormones are really giving you a bad time, there are a number of things that you can do:
1. Have plenty of cold water. You may even drink it.
2. Buy a subscription to a good magazine, like eh… Popular Mechanics, for distraction.
3. Put some pictures of Kerry in your room.
It’s a blessing to have your whole family together in that special occasion.
Wait, wait, you’ve got this all backwards. Getting married is when you stop having sex.
Posted by Cynical Nation at March 29, 2005 12:45 PM
ROFLMFAO!! Frank, Frank, Frank… Let me recite a poem written on a chalkboard at school I found today…
Sex is bad, sex is sin, sins are forgiven, so LET’S BEGIN!
I personaly think waiting until you’re engaged is good enough, but I think you’re making the right choice. Besides, all the anticipation will make it.. better…
Don’t worry Frank. Waiting for marriage was the best thing I ever did. Man, that was some tasty cake. If I close my eyes, I can still taste that creamy frosting. Wait a minute…you’re not talking about cake are you?
never mind.
actually christianity considers you married when you have sex so…get to it and have the ceremony later, it’s really just for the folks anyway. you really think God checks to make sure you have a valid marriage certificate before condemning you to hell? LOL thank goodness i’m a well read semi-pagan. you might have had to wait months before you could justify this
Frank, if your brother is going to be there for a year, he should get leave around the half-way point. Schedule the wedding for then. That way you only have to wait around six months instead of an entire year.
Engaged does not equal married (so don’t be blurring the line folks, and there IS a line). Sarahk is worth the wait! And remember: Your kids WILL ask one day…….
You know, perhaps jerking off would help. I’m not trying to be vulgar here. I figure it would help ease the pain.
Frank J.—
First of all, major congratulations.
Good for you! My husband and I waited for a year. It. Is. Totally. Worth. It. The trust you have for each other is completely heightened, and it feels so good knowing that you DID it–waited until the time was right. It is beyond anything you can imagine right now.
I will definitely pray for your brother, as well as you and Sarah. So many of my old college friends didn’t wait–it’s a blessing to hear of people who are taking the harder (but happier) road.
PS, this is a FABULOUS site. Keep up the good work.
You guys are crazy. Solomon had hundreds of wives and concubines. And you’re supposed to worry that God will cast you into hell for a little pre-marital fun? What, did God change his mind about sex between testaments?
Just go for it. That was David and Solomon’s motto!
Is wanking it a sin?
Is w*****g it a sin?
What i can’t say wank ing anymore? Boo
My sister was at Fort Bragg processing for deployment when I got married. She got a day pass to come to my wedding in VA. Your brother should get leave about 6 mos. in and he should know at least a month in advance. If you don’t mind planning quickly you can do it on his leave.
Dude.
podcasting
videoblogging
telecomuting
Whatever: he can phone his part in.
“We have the technology. We can make him better . . . stronger . . . faster…”
Dude, congratulations! My wife and I waited for six… long… years… but it was definitely worth it, and sex as meant by God was a huge load of FUN!!!
Greetings from your neighbor in Orlando!
Sailor Sam has a good idea if the hormones are an issue. Go to Iraq, have the wedding, honor your relationship with your brother, and stop whining about hormones.
Either suck it up and take it or do what you need to do.
frank, those of us over here in iraq will do our best to make sure your brother can come home on time…wish I could do more.
Well, in spite of my bride and I not waiting (as I admire you for doing), we’ve been happily married for 21 years.
However, the other thing we did not wait on is to begin our family. We were married no more than 6 hours before she was pregnant. Ended up having two kids before we had two anniversaries. We love our kids, and don’t regret having them–just would have liked to plan things a bit better. Word to the wise.
Oh–forgot to mention.
Prayers are on the way for Joe Foo to safely return On Schedule, not only because he’s there doing Good Things, but so that you two can get hitched ASAP!
FrankJ & SarahK, you set an honorable example for all ronin.
Godspeed Joe Foo.
Frank,
You have several courses of action.
1. Your brother will get leave and R&R, coordinate appropriately.
2. Video conferencing is available in Iraq. Recently did a promotion using it.
3. Employ the Clintonian definition of sex.
3. I am a Marine – brother of your brother, I will stand in for him.
John
Wow. I wouldn’t even date a girl I haven’t had sex with. Here’s hoping the marriage goes for the best… ^_^
If you do go to Iraq for the wedding, stifle the urge to fire rifles in the air. If only the airforce had a nickel for everytime they’ve straffed syrian terrorist^h^h^h wedding parties firing rifles in the air. Also, stifle the urge to be syrian terrorists.
Seriously though – all those “go ahead and do it” fools don’t get it. If it’s important to you, either of you, it matters and is an issue. The guilt would ruin it for you. Be sure, on the other side though, to have no guilt whatsoever. Sex in marriage is a sacrament, every bit as important as the other sacraments we practice. And I mean that in a good way. Read Song of Solomon, if you haven’t already.
Sadly, frequency generally decreases with time in a marriage. A handy rule of thumb is divide the number of days in a month by the number of years you’re married to get the monthly frequency.
Wow. A girl who would have sex with a guy before even being dated by him is not worthy of being the mother of that guy’s future children. But a guy who would so use a girl without dating her is not worthy of being the father of that girl’s future children.
And I so second the recommendation of Dr. Laura’s book, “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.” Excellent book!!
John is obviously a Marine. Can’t count to 4!
Dang jarheads.
Go Army!
Frnak,
I applaud your decision (though I suspect it might be more SarahK’s decision… 😉
As a single fella myself, I’m still waiting, too. Hang in there! If I can do it, you can too!
Hmmm, well everybody and their do…er cat beat me to the have a wedding in Iraq idea. Let’s see how much would it cost you to get the couple, the parent’s, and of course the cat’s to Iraq. Then their is the security problem. Those Marines can get rowdy if you serve them punch and afteshave. You might be able to finance it by having it sposered as a televison special and have advertising on SarahK’s wedding dress. Of course a sympathetic doctor could give you some pills. I mean he could adjust your blood pressure control to the point if you wanted you couldn’t.
I sixth or seventh the opinion that you should go to Iraq to get hitched. How many happy couples have said their vows ‘neath the canopy of a tank’s main gun in hostile terrain? sniff just thinking about it makes me feel so sentimental sniff
Oh, do I know how you feel. My fiancee and I are waiting until we get hitched too. His best friend was in the Sandbox, but is now in Japan (studying). To top it off, my fiancee is going for a double major, computer science and electrical engineering, and we can’t get hitched until he’s out of college (about 2.5 more years!!)
Gah!
Best of luck!!
…don’t mind this post. I just think its best to not have 69 comments on this type of subject… 😀
On this topic, it is not possible for a man to receive enough encouragement, so Zeb tells you that he holds you in the highest regard for this noble, most honorable decision.
You have transcended the culture in which we live and have set an excellent example for all who know you (those who really know you…and then also the rest of us who feel like we know you).
The Lord will bless you for this. You can count on it.
Add me to the chorus of those saying do it on Joe Foo’s R&R.
Bein’ a little older than most here I’m not only am husband but the daddy of one bride and three grooms.
Here’s the deal. About 98.2% of all planning for a wedding is not time sesitive. Get the season right and you’re fine. The gowns for bride and bridesmaids, the clothes for groom and groomsmen, Joe Foo’s Dress Blues, nobody gives a rat’s patootie about when they’re planed out.
The cakes, the menus, the closest thing to time sensitive are the flowers, some things that are good for June are hard to find in August.
All of the professionals involved, the caterers, the florists, the tailors and bridal gown people, they’ve all done this before. Just start early and give them a head start with the understanding that you’ll have about three weeks notice to actually pull the trigger.
Just somebody watch Joe Foo. I wore the bird on the ball before he was ever born and I know if you turn your back on a young Marine for ten seconds he’s gonna stick his crank in the electric fan.If it weren’t for killin; for’ners and eatin’ p, um, sushi, there’d be a durned oil’ bounty on ’em.
It will be worth the wait, Frank. Sarah was just telling me in bed the other day how much she was looking forward to it ;o)
Frank, I am seriously impressed! More power to you both for waiting. Congrats on the engagement (Sarah’s rendition brought tears to my eyes…who knew you were such a romantic??)
Thanks for posting this (and to the people posting encouragement in comments, too). It’s always an encouraging & refreshing change to come across testimonies about how & why waiting till the right time is (a) Worth It and (b) actually doable, in contrast to… well, most of the rest of the world, which doesn’t seem to think so at all, which isn’t terribly helpful.
I hope and pray God brings your brother back safe & soon, also.
First of all, let me begin this with I have met both of you and so I feel my opinion is biased. When we had dinner together you two were all snuggling and cuddling and holding hands under the table (at least I thought you were holding hands??) and recently on Easter someone saw you at the big Catholic church actually snuggling during services.
Get a room already. In the eyes of God it’s about commitment. If you have committed to each other, then that is all you need. In Jesus day they didn’t issue marriage certificates, they didn’t have the weddings we do today, they met, they consumated and when that happened they were married. Hence where the term “consumated the marriage” you’re not technically married until you actually DO IT.
Civil proceedings in our county are quite easy, you walk in with your birth certificate in hand, sign the paper and the clerk says you’re married. That is all there is to it. No vows, no church bells, but you’re married. It’s legal and then down the road you can work out the religious ceremony with all the frills that come with it.
Waiting may or may not be the best thing. It can either lead to increased pleasure from the anticipation or extreme dissapointment from all the buildup and inability to deliver on expectations. Sex is extremely complicated, it’s not just A + B = C. Coming from a very sexually educated woman I advise you to give it up. Have fun, life is too short, you never know tomorrow you could get hit by a car and be in a persistent vegitative state and then what? Enjoy your life. God created people to be happy. When he introduced Adam and Eve there were no church bells, I think it’s awesome he introduced them to each other NAKED, and I think they started to get it on right away.
Good luck to you and SarahK.
Hana – your evil couch hating friend.
Let’s just say that this is another one of those things that makes me very glad to be an aetheist(even if I’m getting about as much as you are right now…).
Seriously though, if this is what you feel is right, then I comend the strength of will it must take for you to be sticking to your guns right about now. It’s like that old line about celibacy(hell, it IS that old line) – “A commendable trait, best found in others”. Good luck getting Joe back to your end of the planet soon though – I don’t give good odds on any man’s chances in your situation 😉
Glad to hear you’re waiting; I was a bit worried after reading about all those camping trips. 😉
I waited too; it wasn’t even a question for me.
However, just as waiting is important, getting married is important and sex is important, so try not to push off the wedding too much. A few suggestions:
1) If Joe has access to a sufficiently fast internet connection, get him a web-cam, and get a large screen set up at the wedding.
2) If not, see if he can get to a phone, get a phone connection. (I saw this once with a bride’s father who couldn’t be at the wedding due to illness.) Announce to everybody at the wedding that he’s being the best man by phone.
3) Have another relative “stand in” as a proxy for any physician things he needs to do that he can’t do by phone or webcam (e.g., hand over the ring). This gives you a chance to “honor” another person. Could be another brother, a cousin, your brother’s wife, etc. Could even be a Marine buddy of his who’s stateside right now.
You could even do #3 without the phone or web-cam. I suspect he’d understand. Especially if you announced why he wasn’t there and had a Marine Corps flag or something similar.
Whoa son, I go away to the left coast for a few days of “corporate training” otherwise known as surfs’ up dude! and you kids are getting married? If you need any words of advice, just ask, I’ve been married more times than JLo, just kidding…no really.