“So let me see if I understand this, Jeb: you simply arrested a Democrat?”
“Well, the mayor of Orlando was committing election fraud and…”
“Wow, all I had to do was arrest them!” Bush declared, “Thanks, Jeb. As my older brother, you’ve always been looking out for me.”
“I’m your younger brother, and it’s not so simple. See…”
Bush hung up the phone. “So, Speedy, what’s your legal opinion on rounding up and arresting the Democrats?”
“Sounds fun,” Attorney General Alberto Gonzales answered, “I’ll get my sombrero.”
“Get mine too!”
Senator Harry Reid saw his door kicked in. “We’ve heard you’re a Democrat!” Alberto declared.
“That’s crazy!” Reid answered.
“Then what do you think about Bush’s tax cuts?”
“They’re too targeted at the rich.”
“Democrat!” Alberto yelled, “Arrest him!”
“You can’t just arrest me for that!” Reid protested.
“You see this sombrero?” Alberto challenged, pointing to his hat, “It means authority! I do what I want!”
“What about the poncho?”
“It goes with the sombrero, stupid! Now surrender for arrest!”
“Okay,” Reid said, “Just let me get my glasses.”
“He’s resisting arrest!” Alberto shouted, “Deploy nightsticks.”
“I admit it’s not going to be easy to prove you’re a Democrat,” Alberto told Senator Joe Lieberman, “So why don’t we make a deal. It’ll be probation plus time served if you just give me the names of more Democrats.”
White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan burst into Alberto’s office. “I’m hearing that you’ve been arresting and beating Democrats and now I have to answer to the press!”
“I thought I arrested all of them,” Alberto said, confused.
“Apparently not.”
“Well, I’ll go help you answer questions.”
They both walked out to the press room. “So how do you answer to charges of abducting Democrats and beating them with nightsticks?”
Scott started to answer, but Alberto tapped him on the shoulder. “Let me handle this.” He then faced the press and said, “Actually, I used a piñata bat. The piñata bat has a long history in Mexican culture, dating back to when Mexicans first discovered they like to beat things with bats. You have to appreciate other cultures.”
The press nodded knowingly and walked off. “See, that’s how you handle the press, you stupid gringo,” Alberto told Scott.
“You know, you never had an accent until you were appointed to this position.”
Alberto pulled out his piñata bat. “You shut up!”
“With the amount of travel, I think we were sent to another country for trial,” said one frightened Democrat.
A man stepped in amongst the prisoners. “You are all charged with witchcraft. The punishment for that crime is to have your left hand cut off.”
“That’s silly,” Sen. Harry Reid answered, “All we are are Democrats and…”
“The punishment for being a Democrat is death!”
Reid thought for a moment. “Well, I guess I was eight-years-old when I first started casting hexes…”
Adam.
“Deploy nightsticks” Bravo, more funny from Frank! As always, great stuff.
Uhmm, I was trying to picture them taking down Hillary. It could be a violent and awsome take down or…. she might like getting cuffed and searched. Then it could be a very perverted and kinky takedown.
not sure, but it may have been the beer, but that was funny. and yes. it is early in the morning and i have been drinking. i don’t have to be at work til 4pm. so, is it such a big deal? i scrub floors, not like i fly planes.
if only it were that easy! Great IMW!
It’s great to start Monday AM with a laugh. I don’t know how you think of this stuff, Frank J. LOL funny!
thank you mr frank, that was ever so funny
gosh i dont know who i like better alberto “speedy” gonzales or donald “RARRRRRRRRRRRR” rumsfeld but alberto makes me think of delicious tacos while rumsfeld just makes me think of angry dogs
i cant wait for the final showdown when they go head to head with howard dean!!!
’bout time we started arresting people for “found under the influence of being Democrat’ … nightsticks are way to good for them … send them out for switches, LOL.
“You have to appreciate other cultures.” – Alberto’s been doing his homework on the press, I see.
There’s no “We don’t need no stinking badges!” line.
What’s with that?
Great Stuff!!! Laughed like crazy!!!
“You shut up!”
wow, he sounds like you, sweetness.
Where can I get a pinata bat? They make ideal Christmas presents, I mean, regalos de Navidad.
The original article was almost as funny:
“Dyer has said that when he signed checks and approved invoices, worth about $10,000, for Thomas . . . the documents did not say what Thomas was being paid to do and Dyer has said he didn’t know, either. ”
If happy little Thomases find people to write them $10k checks for no apparent reason, then why o why can’t I?
hehe.. Nice one Frank J
I lost my pinky-toe on “Deploy nightsticks.”.
Getting Harry Reid to admit to witchcraft was brilliant, and made my tummy hurt, but in a good way.
Was it just me, or did this one seem to trail off after all the laughy goodness?
Will this one be continued?
You have to appreciate other cultures.”
That line seriously cracked my face!
“The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre” with Humphrey Bogart
Sterotypical Mexican Bandit says surrender we are the police. The gringo asks to see their badges. The reply “Badges! yada yada. This has become a catch phrase over the years, ” Badgers! Badgers! We don need no stinkeen Badgers!” Well how about some wolverines instead? Hokay, theem we got.
Democrats using witchcraft; explains a lot, doesn’t it?