Top ‘o the morning to ya! Today’s Saint Patty’s day which means its time for getting drunk, getting in fights, and breaking ceasefire agreements with the British. Now, I’m half Irish myself, and, as such, am quite a jovial, dangerous fellow. Others around you may be Irish, too. So what do you do if you encounter an Irishman? Well, I sent my crack research staff to find out all they can about the Irish.
FUN FACTS ABOUT THE IRISH
* Ireland was founded in 6,000 B.C. when one Francis O’Brien woke up with an hangover and exclaimed, “Where the fook am I?”
* The ancient history of Ireland involved lots of drinking, fighting, and getting pushed around by Vikings. Guess who’s still around now, though? That’s right; bunch of pissers those Vikings were.
* If encountering a drunken Irishman, be careful not to make any sudden arm movements. This may cause the Irishman to either hug or punch you or a combination of the two.
* St. Patrick is revered by all the Irish for chasing the snakes out of Ireland, but most scholars say he didn’t really exist, the Vatican says he isn’t a Saint, and historian think the snakes were only imagined by the extremely drunken.
* Can you imagine getting drunk off of green beer on “Mr. Patrick’s Day”? Sounds stupid.
* The main drink of the Irish is Guinness. It was made when a grain silo burnt down but they made beer from it anyway so as not to have to drink British beer (the Brits are a bunch of wankers!). The Irish have been burning down silos and slurping down black sludge ever since.
* Some men don’t like the strong taste of Guinness. They’re called homosexuals.
* Many Irish immigrated to America during the Potato Famine. They didn’t find too many potatoes in America, but they found plenty of skulls that needed a knocking.
* The Irish, unlike the Komodo dragon, are warm blooded.
* When the Irish got tired of the fooking British, they started blowing up those wankers until they got independence. During their drunken celebration afterwards, they finally noticed that the north part was still held by the Limeys. We’re they less drunk at the time, they might have done something about it.
* Fooking Protestants.
* My own grandfather, Frank J. Sr., helped blow up British in the main fight for independence. He got in one fight too many and ended up having to head for America, floating past Ellis Island in a whiskey barrel.
* The Irish actually invented the car bomb, but the industrious Italians brought it to an art form.
* Violence in Northern Ireland continues to this day. Irish terrorists have never quite matched the violence of Muslim terrorists, though, as booze and bombs don’t mix.
* In a fight between the Irish and Aquaman, the Irish would buy Aquaman a few rounds well telling him all about his ancestry in Ireland – whether he actually had any or not. After having enough drinks, the Irish when then pummel Aquaman until he was unconscious and then throw him in a bog.
* Irish as a prefix means “contains alcohol” such as Irish coffee, Irish cream, and Irishman.
* In Ireland, the bartender is most sacred job to hold – more revered than a priest. After that, the most prestigious job is a professional soccer player… but only if they’re winning.
* While no notable scientific achievements have ever happened in Ireland, most people would trade all those for a good pint of Guinness any day.
Some men don’t like the strong taste of Guinness. They’re called homosexuals
-Too true lad! Real men drink stout.
BTW- First!
Happy St. Patty’s to everyone!
I second the Guinness
but do you have ANY idea how much food coloring it takes to make it green?
😀
aye, instead o’ wearin’ green on Patrick’s day let’s wear orange! for Northern Ireland and beat the shite out o’ all the wankers wearin’ green.
Mac you Rule my friend!
heres to you o’ Ireland
Irish as a prefix means “contains alcohol” such as Irish coffee, Irish cream, and Irishman.
Damn you Frank J, if I didn’t have a whiskey in one hand and a pot of gold on the other, I’d knock the bejaysus out of you for that…
That part about me and the Irish is true; never trust the Irish.
I’m part Irish, and part German.
Every St. Patrick’s Day, I get drunk and develop the strong urge to invade Poland.
Just to be clear…St. Patrick is a saint. Saints can’t be de-canonized…and St. Patrick is still on the liturgical calendar even.
As for the rest of it, I’m pretty sure it’s all true. Oh, but we beat the Vikings…eventually Brian Boru got tired of the way they had killed his family, so he kicked them out.
What’s the smartest thing to come out of Aquaman’s mouth?
Albert Einstien’s Wanker For Fook Sake!!!
heyHeyHEY!! Don’t get my Irish up with that “fooking Protestants” blarney!
stomps off mumbling something about finding his orange t shirt
So your Irish now, eh Frank? Thats mafookinwunnerful.
On a day like this, I just drink til something or someone takes the piss out of me. Mut by brother, he knows how to party.
I put on something green and he goes to Dublin. Bless him
I’m part Irish, and part German.
Every St. Patrick’s Day, I get drunk and develop the strong urge to invade Poland.
My ancestors came from Poland, Ireland, and Germany (in order of prevalence in my genes). I’m able not only to invade, but to be invaded.
Favorite sentence about the Irish (from Sean O’Casey’s play Red Roses for Me): “We pray too much and work too little.”
That was more fookin’ foony than fookin’ Poofy! It’s T-shirt quality good.
Happy St. Patties Day,everybody!
mumbles something incoherent in Gaelic
It was a very Irish thing, hilarity, which is not to be found in places like England. For all the talk about Catholicism, for all the talk about having a miserable repressed past, there is in the Irish sould a genuine anarchic pagan thing that I have embraced. I’ve never lost sight of it. Beckett has a phrase about the Irish consciousness, where he says that when you’re in the last ditch, there’s nothing left to do but sing. In England, life closes down at midnight. In Ireland, at two in the morning, someone’s just about to start up with The Fields of Athenry. I suppose it’s madness in a sense, but I don’t like seeing it patronised. The crazy Irish thing is rubbish too, because to me it’s a valid, raw way of appreciating being on earth, being alive.
See? We not all drunken violent fools (we leave that to the english).
Some men don’t like the strong taste of Guinness. They’re called homosexuals
hmm i didn’t know that about myself, i suppose i have to throw out all my guinness and other stout beers since my pansy wristed straight room mates only drink american lager… stereotypes are so hard to live by, i wish i had gotten the secret world order gay memo to tell me this stuff.
nah i understand it’s just a joke, i’m just a bit bitter from drinking all this dark beer.
Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig ort!
St. Patrick’s Day Blessing On You.
And Happy St. Pats to you all.
I lift a glass to Frank J. (we Irish aren’t thy enemy frank) the VERY spoken for Goddess SarahK and everyone at IMAO, even Aquaman that proddy @!#$%
Just so you folks know, the difference between Irish terrorists & Muslim terrorists, is that Irish terrorists will call ahead before a bombing.
Irish terrorists : “Pardon me, but, if you don’t mind, can we blow something up, say, around 2:30-ish, How’s that work for you?”
Proddy @#$%! :” um ok, Quite right old chap.”
I hope everyone has a happy st. Paddy’s. But tonight remember this from the Irish:
Tabhair dom an rud céanna mar atá ag an fhear ar an urlar! which means, Give me the same as the man on the floor!
I bid everyone, peace, love, and understanding,
blessed be,
Martin “Ceann Rua” Corbett
Favorite Irish Movieline in Bravehart as the the second salvo of arrows are coming in Mil Gibson’s Irish friend tells him “The good Lord told me he’s pretty sure he can get me out’a this one…but he’s pretty certin your fooked”
My grandfather said I was an Irish Homo once becasue I like women more than whiskey.
My grandfather said as an Iriahman, I was a Homo once because I like women more than whiskey. Now I love them both so I am twice the Irishman!
No, no, no. The best line from Braveheart is “To speak to his equal, an Irishman is forced to converse with the Almighty”
Who the heck is this “St. Patty?”
An Irish Car Bomb
1 pint Guiness
1 shot Bailey’s
Fookin’ good!
Spetiam: “Who the heck is this “St. Patty?””
It’s a yank thing. They don’t get that it should be St. Paddy. Don’t ask me why…
Slainte Frank! (I know that’s Scottish, but its close isn’t it?)
Dublin is probably my favorite city in the world (next to Cape Town). There’s Guiness in every pub, and a pub on every block, and the people are awesome. God bless those drunk bastards!
(Travel tip: for anyone going to Dublin, check out Roli’s Bistro. AWESOME food!)
I love this one Frankie! I love the Irish! Just saying that word makes ya feel full of life it does…and it makes ya want ta say things like “Here’s to ya Darby” and “Top a the mornin to ya”…I love the Irish! Let’s celebrate St. Paddy’s day again today!!!
Correction to the Irish Car-Bomb!
1 shot glass with 1/2 bailey’s, 1/2 jameson whiskey.
1/2 pint of guinness.
Instructions:
Drop shot glass into guinness.
Chug.
Rinse and repeat.
“Apparently, all the Irish bars are full of writers and poets. Hmph, any other place, they’re called drunks!”
excuse me you innorant clonials – the diminutive of Patrick is Paddy, not sme whoosy singer’s first name.
Bah. Not a drop of Irish blood in me, unfortunately, though I suppose I can settle for having Scottish ancestry somewhere (grandmother’s maiden name is Rayburn), which is the next-best thing.
But have you ever heard of a woman that could drink a man under a table? Neither have I, though we came quite close once. She was a big girl, of course. It was terrifying to watch her going at it. I’ve never seen fat roll quite like that night.