Hello,
I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.
Funding is getting tight for government workers in Buffalo. Very little cleaning is done in their bathrooms, the toilets are clogged, and they sometimes have to bring their own soap and toilet paper.
Solutions are right around the corner. In one test project all reports will be printed on special paper.
“Boss, how did you like my report?”
“Hmmm. Quilted. 2-play. Comfy all round. Good work, Johnson. I’ll need another report after lunch.”
“I’m on it boss.”
Other solutions include an innovative new work idea- Bring your Plumber to Work Day.

In South Florida, Spring Break took a sad turn when students discovered that there were hundreds of sharks in the water.
Turned out it was just the guys from the local law school.
Authorities knew they were lawyers when they were heard saying, “Yeah, I could have gotten Jaws off with probation.”
TV weatherman, Fritz Coleman took the stand today in the Michael Jackson trial.
I’m not sure he was a good witness. He kept ending his statements with “but there’s only a 40% chance of that.”
He was a bit shy for a witness. Once they put him in front of a blue screen — he was right at home.
Jacko’s housekeeper said she saw boys walking around intoxicated.
Wow. So Neverland is crawling with drunk boys and lawyers.
So basically it’s just like spring break — but without the girls.
Michael seems to have two policies at Neverland: Open door and open bar.
MJ is starting off each day with a prayer with Jesse Jackson. Not a bad thing to do before each day of court. Hurray for Jesse. See, Jesse does like white people.
As a sign of unity, Jesse and Michael will be performing a special song — Ebony and Ivory.
What else is going on around the world?
Oh, NBA Star Shaquille O’Neal will be featured on a Wheeties box
For any athlete, this is like a dream come true.
The box will come out in July everywhere nationwide — except for Los Angeles where people seem to prefer Kobe flakes.
Kobe flakes. It isn’t a product. It’s a complete sentence.
Wheeties will feature a very special Shaq box — It’ll be extra tall with a soft flabby middle.
In actuality, Shaq didn’t earn it through his on the court play. He got it for eating his one millionth box.
Mario Vasquez, the American Idol contestant who dropped out, is still in the news.
He has hired Clay Aiken’s lawyer. That was actually a pretty smart move.
In a not-so-smart move, he also hired Clay’s personal trainer.
Turns out that Mario sang a few songs on another album, and that was not in keeping with the American Idol rules.
Ironic- the album is titled “Really bad karaoke.”
Rumor has it that John Kerry and John Edwards are in the middle of a post election catfight.
It’s gotten so bad — they’re sleeping in separate beds.
Ha ha. Just kidding.
They’ve slept in separate beds ever since the election ended.
In all seriousness, I hope Mr. Edwards and wife are coping well as she battles breast cancer.
Hmm. Maybe that’s why Kerry’s so upset — he’s JEALOUS.
JFK: One heartbeat away from Teresa’s checkbook.
We might be starting to drill for oil in Alaska. This is good, it’s ridiculous to think that we can’t drill for oil in our own country.
It’s about time. It was so bad — President Bush thought he might have to declare war on Alaska.
The Russians are going to experiment with a Solar sail on one of their spacecraft
The sail would help with steering but also help generate energy.
They need to think it through. Sailing isn’t as easy as it looks. They would have to train astronauts to duck when the boom comes around. Man it would be so embarrassing to get knocked out of the spaceship.
“Okay commander, All is good — ah crap. Let’s bring her around. We lost Ivan again.”
**
That’s all. Make sure you read all the other great posts at IMAO.
Also, the only way I can know which jokes you enjoyed is if you TELL me. Please post in comments.