Hello Everyone,
I’m RightWingDuck, here to share the news.
It looks like the United Nations is starting to get some coverage regarding some of the recent rape cases.
According to the report “A French U.N. logistics expert in the Congo shot pornographic videos in his home, in which he had converted his bedroom into a photo studio for videotaping his sexual abuse of young girls.”
Remember, these guys are there to help…
“Hello, my little dear. Sit, please. Tell me – Would you enjoy An Evening in Paris?”
“Paris? Really with the Eiffel Tower and everything?”
“No, An Evening in Paris Hilton — the Video — it really helps me get into the mood.”
Here’s my favorite part: “U.N. officials are worried that the scandal, which already has netted 150 allegations of sex crimes by U.N. staffers, will explode if the pornographic videos and photos, now on sale in Congo, becoming public.”
Okay. If the tapes are on sale — doesn’t that mean that they’re already public?
“I just purchased a copy of Gigli.”
“Okay, but wasn’t that released on DVD 2 years ago?”
“Yes, the clerk said I was the first one to ever buy a copy!”
“Oh no. So now it’s been made public!”
So basically this would only be a scandal if the tape becomes a best seller?
Remember, Abu Grahib wasn’t really a scandal. It was just well marketed.

It gets better. “Despite the fact that the U.N.’s sexual code of conduct is prominently displayed on U.N. facilities– forbidding sex with prostitutes or women under 18 — the U.N. continues to hand out free condoms to “peacekeepers” to protect them from AIDS.”
Good to hear. Not only is the UN sending warriors – they’re sending Trojans.
Nothing but the best.
In Iraq, a French reporter who was missing for two months has now turned up on a video pleading for her life. France quickly called the UN for help.
The United Nations responded. They sent 6 troops, 1 personnel carrier, and a 12 pack of condoms.
The MJ trial is off to a good start. In fact, having watched the Oscars, the defense initiated a new strategy. They started off with 20 minutes of Bush jokes.
Not everybody likes the trial — but it’s doing great among 18-34 olds – Or as Michael would call them — senior citizens.
Michael has been very accommodating. He’s answered lots of press questions. In fact, at his last conference, he even let a reporter sit on his lap. It was a high school newspaper – but still- he had a press pass.
The media has been relentless on this. There are over 1,000 press credentials at this trial. Well, close to a thousand real reporters– we don’t know how many of them are gay.
Dubya wrapped up a visit with Russian President Vladimir Putin. There was a very strange moment that got a bit of press coverage. When President Bush pushed Putin on controlling the media, Putin responded, “Well, how can you say that when you fired all those people at CBS.”
Bush was at a loss for words.
Folks, it’s not very often that in a meeting of world leaders, Bush is the smart one.
I mean, really folks, Putin believes that Bush controls the press.
If Bush controlled the heterosexual press- would he have so many bad things said about him? Let’s count them — thief, liar, baby killer, idiot, religious nut.
Am I missing something? Is this a cultural thing?
“Mr. Putin, the press called you deplorable — any comment?”
“Thank you. Thank you very much. I try my best.”
Are these good things?
What part of any recent press coverage would make Putin think that Bush had any say over the media? I’m on this one and will have much more later on.
Martha Stewart is ready to go home, too.
She’s so happy. She’ll miss a lot of her new friends. But they can keep in touch through phone calls, letters and restraining orders.
It’s not all good, though. She still has 5 months of home detention left to serve. Poor thing – trapped in that mansion, with the spa, sauna, swimming pool and home theatre. Oh the humanity. Call the ACLU!!
She is allowed to work, so that’s a good thing. In fact, she can’t wait to get back to her TV show and start putting out some creative new ideas.
New topics include:
“Tasteful ways to dress up a dreary ankle monitor.”
“10 recipes for coagulated milk!”
“Simple Brass Knuckle projects.”
And my favorite — “How to really stick it to a bitch who desperately has it coming!”
(It’s a working with people episode.)
A TV network is looking at having Martha star in a show very similar to Donald Trump’s the Apprentice.
Martha’s show would be titled- The Accomplice.
Events would include paper shredding, lying under oath, and stuffing private documents down your pants. From what I hear, it would have guest judging by Sandy Berger.
The Death Penalty for minors has been ruled unconstitutional. Can you believe that?
Now, having looked at the facts I have to agree with the Supreme Court. Putting minors to death has too many complications.
For example, the electric chair seldom has an available booster seat. That’s always tricky.
Also, too many kids were demanding private tutors. As you know, if they get the right teacher — it means that they get school instruction and conjugal visits!.
This racks up huge expenses — not to mention the condom budget. Man these prisons need help. Where’s the UN?
Plus, the parents would never sign those darn permissions slips.
A hypnotist in Connecticut has been sentenced to 90 days in jail for having sex with half a dozen of his patients he was treating for anxiety. (Hat Tip: Right Wing News) He confessed to videotaping the trysts.
The judge actually gave him a 3 year sentence but suspended all but 90 days of it. After the banging the gavel, the judge, for some strange reason, started clucking like a chicken.
Hmm. Me suspects something. The one thing I want to know — did these ladies do this voluntarily or were they hypnotized? If so, that makes for a better headline:
Women realized they were used for sex when they kept leaving his office with their clothes on backwards!
What about their anxiety? Are they better now? Do they credit the hypnosis? Or the sex?
Oops, that’s my cell phone. I have to go. “Cluck, cluck. cluck?”
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That’s all. If you have an interesting news bit please feel free to pass it along. email me at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom.
As always. List the jokes that made you laugh.
Thanks