Hello, Aquafans.
I was all down after those Congressional hearings about drug use by superheroes, when I heard about swarms of sharks closing beaches in Florida.
Am I wrong, but doesn’t this sound a lot like a job for…
AQUAMAN!!!
I quickly headed for the Florida beaches. There, police were holding back swimmers as they watched the sharks circling in the water.
“Glad you’re here, Aquaman,” said one of the officers, “With the beaches closed, communities are losing money.”
“It’s my job to help!” I announced.
“So get in the water and get rid of the sharks.”
“Is my name ‘Aquamoron’?” I laughed, “You think I’m just going to jump into the water with a bunch of eating machines full of sharp teeth? I came here by plane and then a cab so as to avoid this water.”
“But I thought…”
“I can talk to the sharks just fine while standing on a dock.” I walked out on a dock and looked to the sharks. “Why are you sharks here?” I asked.
“Not to eat swimmers,” said one.
“Why don’t you come in the water,” suggested another, “I think we can talk better face to face.”
“You’re not tricking me, sharks,” I answered, “Now get going.”
“What are they saying?” asked the police officer (he can’t talk to fish).
“Don’t interrupt me,” I told him (talking to fish takes concentration).
“I think we really can discuss this better if we’re all in the water,” said a shark.
“You’re not fooling me into getting in the water like you did last time!” I yelled.
“But we’re big fans; we just want to meet you. Why, my son, a shark only a couple months old, swam all the way from Australia just to meet you.”
“Really? From Australia?”
“Yeah, really.”
“I guess I can come in the water,” I said, “but no tricks.”
It was a trap! The sharks circled me, ready to attack. Thus I remembered the secret shark fighting technique taught to me by the dolphins: beat them to death with my nose.
When I awoke in intensive care, I realized it probably would have been better to call dolphins to fight for me. Then again, they’re always making fun of my costume.
Snooty bastards.
This is Aquaman, signing off.
First!
And Aquaman, don’t fool us. You said you can talk to dolphins, but dolphins are not fish. They’re mammals. You really are an aquamoron.
aquaman, i’ll admit i wasn’t a fan of yours when you first started posting here, and you caught some flak from various readers. however, the more i read your stuff, the better i like it. consider me a fan.
I enjoyed discovering the picture I thought was lacking in the read more section.
Shouldn’t the T-shirt Babe sidebar be renamed “My beautiful fiancee” or something like that?
Always treat sharks just like you might a politician; never go near them while in a frenzy and never let them smell your open wounds because then they’ll pass a bill to eat you.
I agree with Xeno.
You are funny. After a while.
Check this guy out, he’s kind of off, too.
http://www.theconservativeuawguy.blogspot.com/
Sorry. Not an HTML person.
http://www.theconservativeuawguy.blogspot.com/
Gues a copy and paste will have to suffice.
Best one yet Aquadude, or maybe like Xeno and jumpinjohny said, you sorta grow on people… which sounds worse than it really is.
LOL stuff….not to sound like I am sucking up…but always liked your posts. Then again I like the weird ones.
also RIP Mitch Hedberg….he was a funny guy and I will miss him. Stupid drugs
Meh…
Batman can still beat up Aquaman.
Jack.