As blogs threaten the MSM and politicians more and more, the sooner the big blog crackdown will happen. We all knows it’s coming. There will be a bipartisan force of stormtroopers led by McCain and Feingold tasked to hunt down bloggers and those who read blogs. Do you think you’re ready? If Dan Rather charges you, shouting non-sense and wielding an ax in each hand, will you know what to do?
To help, I’ve made this list of tips:
PREPARING FOR THE BLOG CRACKDOWN
* First off, don’t admit to writing or reading blogs. Instead, come up with a codeword for “blog” (the name “blog” sucks anyway). For example, we could call them “Larry.”
“Where did you hear of that debunking of the 60 Minutes piece?”
“From… Larry.”
The MSM will hunt down this man named Larry to no avail (they suck at investigating).
* Don’t use your actual name. That will make it too easy for the anti-blog stormtroopers to track you down. Instead, use a cool pseudonym like “puppyblender” or the combination of your first name and middle initial.
* Develop some secret handshake to show that someone is “down with the blogs.” If you open the door and the person doesn’t know the handshake, don’t let him in! Comment on the nearest police officer’s blog that you need help.
* Make sure to be stocked up on guns and ammo – there’s never a reason not to be. Having a loaded gun while blogging is what computer security professionals refer to as “physical security.”
* If the NYTimes calls you to ask for an interview, it’s a trick! They only want to kill you! Give them coordinates to meet you that are located in the middle of the ocean where hopefully they will go and drown.
* Have scapegoats. If you can trick the anti-blog forces into murdering Kos, that’s less time you have to worry. Also, you may want to turn your blog into a group blog to give those going up against you multiple targets.
* Have a year’s supply of food in your basement along with a T1 connection. You never know what the anti-blogging forces will do in their desperation — such as nuclear or biological weapons – so be prepared to hole up for a while.
* Make sure to have some rope. I’m not sure what for, but rope just seems useful. Oh, and have wet naps too.
* Never develop any attachments you can’t drop in 30 seconds. The devious anti-blog forces may capture your family in an attempt to get you stop blogging, but, if you don’t care about them, no problem.
* Booby-trap your yard. Also, put a sign outside your yard reading, “Yard Perfectly Safe” to trick the anti-blogging forces into your booby-traps.
* Heh heh. “Booby.”
* The anti-blog forces may hire the Yakuza against us, so stay away from Japan.
* If you suspect that the authorities or the MSM are onto you as being a blogger, pack all your essentials into your car and set your house on fire. Also, you may want to kill your neighbors as an extra-precaution; you feel that one out yourself.
* Whatever you do, never stop blogging! We’re all in this together… unless we disagree on significant issues.
Preview we, don’t need no stinking preview.
As for the MSM the McCain the Fiengold. Let them come there are over 7,000,000 blogs and eeef you figure one reader apease theen that ess 14,000,000. The rope she is for the hanging of the bodies after you shoot dem weeth de gun. You will need the marshmallows and de wienies and der beer for the vicory cook out.
Oh, drat I say, that appears to be a first and I didn’t claim it.
I am so sorry to do this, but drop the first letter “H”. As, not Has. other than that, this is great. esp “Make sure to be stocked up on guns and ammo – there’s never a reason not to be. Having a loaded gun while blogging is what’s computer security professionals refer to as “physical security.”
Second! Good stuff! but ummm…. did you clear that “attachments you can drop in 30 secs” with SarahK first??? I think you may have to hide out in the basement for a while after all…
Ooops, I meant fourth………….crud
Larry? I like Ralph better. I hope we can work through these differences.
well in my basement I have 1000 monkeys typing up a 1000 blogs. Hmm I may have to waste them all.
From Boondock Saints
“We need some rope.”
“What are you insane?”
“I’m not insane. Charlie Broson always has rope.”
“What?”
“They always got roped strapped around them in movies they always end up using it.”
“You’ve lost is haven’t you?”
“No, I’m serious!”
“Now thats stupid whats one thing you’d need rope for?”
“I dont know what the f— we need it for we just need it!”
Andy,
I was thinking of that and the computer game Sam & Max Hit the Road.
This piece on the Iraq War has a good take on blogs: http://cosmoetica.com/B194-DES136.htm
“Too many bloggers invest their self-worth into opinions, so when a disagreement arises it is taken as an attack on the self, rather than a faulty position. The result is endless ad hominem, distortion, and caricaturization of opinions so one argues not against specifics a reasonable moderate like me will ply, but distorted demonic generalizations that must accompany slimy liberal or evil conservative (again, me, both times). This shatters the notion the blogosphere, unlike MSM, is self-correcting. It is self-delimiting, because each ‘issue’ provides opportunity for a blogger to further bud off, like baby universes, with his cult, unassailable ‘truths’, and shrinkingly exigent delusions, into echoic Lowest Common Denominator star chambers utterly divorced from real world concerns- witness l’affaires Eason and Gannon, and their ‘success’s’ leading to greater rancor, while stories like the Custer Battles atrocities are marginalized- until, some day soon, an Eason or Gannon will strike back, sue big blogs for libel, and a Big Chill will set in.”
“Also, you may want to kill your neighbors as an extra-precaution”
I told you Frank was a serial killer.
Make sure you brief Aquaman first so he doesn’t try to go save them.
Well thought out plan. Don’t forget the beef jerky.
Make sure to have some rope. I’m not sure what for, but rope just seems useful.
And if you manage to get it from the elves, it’s doubly useful and comes when it’s called.
Fantastic and absolutely correct on every point. All kidding aside this is a serious and as you stated we can only prevail if we stick together. And yes you can still drop a dime on liberal blogs.
Long live puppyblender!
/TJ
… NIF
… The Wide Awakes
Plastic sheeting and toilet paper, both likely to be more immediately useful than rope. But if you have room for all three, what the hey.
Hahaha. “Booby” FrankJ you keep me in stiches!
Frightening stuff. Can’t we just fold up the bed and escape through the underground tunnel?