With gas prices getting higher than a hippie eating ‘special’ brownies I though it salient to come up with some way to help people out. So I came up with the…
Top Ten things that can help stretch your gasoline budget.
10) Learn astral projection. It’s just like being there with out all the actually being there.
9) Take a lesson from NASCAR and draft as much as possible. (No, Sen. Rangel, not that draft)
8) Be uphill from everywhere you want to go. So you can just coast.
7) Three things: Siphon hose, gas can and cover of night. You do the math.
6) Drive the speed limit. Speeding not only burns more gas, it can seriously get your Commie Italian rear end shot at/up.
5) Don’t drive for a week, then use the money you saved to hire a mercenary army to fight a war for oil on your behalf. I suggest Iran, lots of oil and no US Marines, yet.
4) Instead of the fine gasoline you normally use, fill up with dark, rich, sparkling Folger’s crystals and see if your car can tell the difference.
3) Instead of driving, get from place to place using roller blades and a lasso, borrow momentum from passing vehicles.
2) Get the eco-friendly utopia converter kit that the hippies use so your car will run on moonbeams, butterfly kisses, and B. O. (that’s right, now you know)
And the number one thing that can help stretch your gasoline budget….
Always write it on rubber paper.
Where can I find this mysterious rubber paper?
Damn You!! I got to #4 and belly-laughed out loud. . .
In my office. . .
At work!
I may have to read this site only at home, lest more trouble befall me.
Numbers 9,6 and 2 made me dang near rupture my innards laughing! Moonbeams and butterfly kisses? BWA-HA-HA! 😀
Rangel is only a Rep…don’t give him a promotion.
I did the whole syphon hose and gas can bit under the cover of night once..
Number One. groan
Funny monkey!
Although my Butterfly Kisses bill was pretty high last month.
Also, when syphoning from a RV – be sure you’ve got the right tank. 🙂
Or you could get roller blades and have your geeky brother pull you into town with his ten speen.
Four words:
Eat beans. Burn Methane.
Funny stuff Frank J.
Thanks
I have installed a harpoon/suctioncup dart in the front bumber and use it to grab a tow from passing semis.
#1 was punny, monkey. GEBIV just does not appreciate a good pun.
Trust me, number 7 needs a fourth thing: breath mints.
Be a man, get a motorcycle. 50mpg, and for right around $7000 it’s faster than any car you can buy under $350,000. Hell, buy a cheap used bike for $2000
Charles.
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