Ain’t a cat person, but I gots me a kitten. Thus, I’ve tried to find some use for it.
TOP TEN USES FOR A CAT
10. Paper shredder.
9. Foot warmer.
8. Football.
7. Hand towel.
6. Boxing partner.
5. General destruction of property.
4. Rubber band slingshot target.
3. Test subject for experimental rocket skateboard (need duct tape).
2. Topic for top ten lists.
And the number one use for a cat…
Hugs (though she doesn’t like them).
They give you an excuse to buy one of those cool laser pointer things to use as a cat toy. The cat chases it everywhere. I’ve always wanted one of those. Now that I’ve got the laser pointer…anyone want a used cat?
Actually the number one use for kittens is: Babe Magnet!
If you’re single, (or if your wife is out of town) get some kittens from the local shelter, put them in a playpen (with high solid sides) and sit with them in the front yard with a sign that says “Free Kitten Petting”.
PS – The lovlies will get into all sorts of interesting poses as well, as they bend over the side of the playpen to get at the the twinkies with feet. 🙂
Actually, there are quite a few more uses for cats. Or ex-cats, anyway.
Also, felines seem to be a prerequisite for inclusion in the Carnival of the Cats.
You should try it, Frank; it produces a noticeable bump in hits.
If you get less than a hundred a day like the rest of us.
If you’re finishing some wood furniture and you want it distressed, they’re really useful for that, too.
Soon…. SOON FrankJ will be in my catblogger clutches!
No more Aquaman posts. Just cats! Cats! CATS!
Word is they’re also good urine targets
they are also good for toe bitting and lamp sitting. Mine also barfs stuff up now and then
you are losing your edge Frank.
YOU ARE LOSING YOUR EDGE.
it ain’t so bad
You forgot AstroKitty training. My cat was very fond of Rendevous and Docking.
Needs one cat, one cat toy (tennis ball) and one assistant.
Over a bed, toss in a parabola, one cat and one cat toy so that they will meet at the top of the arc.
Hours of fun.
Confederate Yankee, I’ve read that book and it’s hilarious! 🙂
You forgot cat scans.
The kitten on the picture looks like its from outer space.
Future alien menace, at least to the rats and mice.
My girlfriend still wondering what to get me for my birthday… I guess I’ll have to give her some green-eyed hints.
they make excellent oven mitts
Hugs?!? That’s the best thing you could come up with?
You woman.
Is that a zipper I see in the picture?
OMG! Frank, it’s a ninja in disguise.
Eject! Eject!
Since you’ve got two cats, you should realize that the number one use is “gladiator”. When Bob & Hilton get done with their extensive naps, they like to chase each other around the house like a couple of three year olds on a sugar binge. It’s cool to just sit on the couch & watch the battles – giving a “thumbs-down” when one has the other in a submission hold.
Now if Hilton would just learn how to use the trident & the net together………
ALERT!! I recognize the look in that cat’s eyes. Does she ever sit atop an open door? Waiting to leap upon your unsuspecting back when you walk through? BEWARE!!
Man have you ever gone soft Frank.
But I must say, you still bring the funny. The SOFT funny that is.
I developed an anti-gravity device with a cat.
See, a piece of buttered toast invariably lands butter-side-down. Cats land on their feet. Attach pieces of toast the backs of cats (again, duct tape), toss in air and viola’! Anti-gravity. Get enough of them, and you can float a platform around your yard.
Can be substituted into any recipe that calls for chicken.
One word: Bonsai
They’re good for use as dusters–as in…
You need to dust the tops of your ceiling fan blades. So you place your cat atop one of the blades near the motor.
Turn the fan on.
Repeat for the remaining blades.
Tommy said,They give you an excuse to buy one of those cool laser pointer things to use as a cat toy.
Just make sure you pay royalties
Oh, and the best book on uses for cats was “101 uses for a dead cat.”
I particularly liked, “stuff it and put a pencil sharpener in its butt.”