(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
What the heck is North Korea’s problem? They don’t have nukes, then they DO have nukes. They want to talk, then they DON’T want to talk. They’re all whiny & high maintenance. It’s like dating a supermodel, except without the good looks and fake boobs.
Why are they so irritable? Nobody knows. But I’ll make some stuff up & put it in the extended entry:
- With the widespread famine in North Korea, they resent having to talk to Condoleezza Rice because of her last name. It’s like having a guy named “Cheeseburger” interview Michael Moore.
- They don’t like being so close to Communist China, because those commies… you know… don’t shower that often.
- PEW! STINKY!
- Li’l Kim’s new do lacks poof.
- Tried to nuke the moon, ended up nuking themselves, then had to pretend that they meant to do that.
- What are YOU staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a successful nuclear test before?
- Embarrassed about being the only country that hasn’t defeated the French in battle.
- The Vatican hasn’t, either, but the Pope’s been sick, so at least they have a good excuse.
- Due to international sanctions, not getting their fair share of porn-spam.
- Only one radio station in the whole country, and all it plays is that stupid Numa Numa song.
- Still can’t believe William Hung didn’t win American Idol.
- Sick of always being picked last whenever an Axis of Evil is choosing team members.
- Their national frisbee landed in the DMZ and they can’t retrieve it because of the land mines.
- On the bright side, dogs keep chasing after it and end up being blown back as stew meat.
- Mmmmm… Dinty Moore Doggy…
- Like the Chinese, Koreans have a stupid language that won’t fit on a keyboard that’s smaller than a movie theater screen.
- Yet another barrier to sweet, sweet porn-spam.
- Like the city of Chicago, North Korea has cold, crappy weather and can’t field a winning professional football team.
- Only one ISP in the whole country, and it sucks so bad that North Koreans actually look forward to receiving the new AOL CD in the mail.
- Their national food is rotting cabbage.
- Wouldn’t be so bad if there were actually some cabbage somewhere in the country.
- STARVING! EAT GRASS NOW!
I would’ve learned more, but I was afraid to continue my research, lest I be mistaken for grass and eaten. However, if YOU are un-grasslike, you can leave your own research results in the comments.
For chicago, you can add hockey baseball, soccer and basketball to the list of pro sports failures.
C’mon. Just picture Kim Jong-Illin’ as the fat kid in that video. You can’t not giggle.
Actually, I think the papal states may have been part of a coalitition that beat the french. I’d have to go back and re-read my Machiavelli to get the dates and the other participents, but im pretty sure. There was a while there where the papacy was pretty active in war.
Kimchi… blecchh…
That Numa Numa kid looks like that dude on the Ditech commercials.I closed my eyes and pictured Poofy doing that song and dance at a military parade.Bad,bad images.
I think he’s suffering from post-poofy depression.Ever since he got that haircut,he’s been more moody and belligerent than in prior years.
Like the Chinese, Koreans have a stupid language that won’t fit on a keyboard that’s smaller than a movie theater screen.
Not really. While Korean written language does have some chinese influence, the HanGul Korean alphabet is phonetic and has only 24 letters. Its short and easy.
“Like having somebody named Cheeseburger interview Michael Moore…”
I was thinking you could have “musician” Meatloaf interview Moore, but that works, too. 🙂
Like the Chinese, Koreans have a stupid language that won’t fit on a keyboard that’s smaller than a movie theater screen.
Hi, first of all, I love your posts!! Anyway, I know this is your “arrogant” opinion and all, but just wanted to clarify something for the other readers haha.
Jeff the Baptist is right: Korean has a smaller alphabet than English. Chinese has thousands and thousands of symbols/characters — a list of words basically. Korean is the only Asian language with an actual alphabet meaning there are letters and you put the letters together to form words.
Linguistics have concluded that Korean is probably the most advanced alphabet spoken by Man. That’s because it is one of the few languages designed by humans (most have simply evolved through thousands of years of speech).
Anyway, sorry to go and give you a lecture on the Korean language. Keep up the awesome posts!
My apologies to the Koreans for insulting their alphabet.
I will now eat kimchi as penance…
Hey! Japanese has a phonetic alphabet… two in fact. They just choose to use them as little as possible.
Harvey, haha it wasn’t an insult…just wanted to clarify things. And have fun eating kimchi………………….
Non-ronin, you’re talking about Hiragana, right? The phonetic version of Japanese is not really an alphabet. A true alphabet is where you have consonants and vowels that are all separate characters. Hiragana is actually a “syllabary”, since to make words, you combine syllables. It isn’t really an alphabet….. =D
Haha, oh my goodness. Wow I sound like a nerd. Keep up the awesome site, Frank.
Yepper, the Korean alphabet was invented in 1443 during the reign of King Sejong. There are 14 consonants and 10 vowels, and it’s really not that difficult to learn – the alphabet at least. Grammar rules and syntax are more similar to Japanese than any other language (asian or western), but the alphabet is amazingly simple in comparison.
Charles.
Way to blow it, Harvey. EVERYBODY knows the Koreans have a superior alphabet. Geesh.
Hey! At least our football team has won the superball (85) can the N Korean’s say that…huh, can they???? I think not!
Yes, the Korean alphabet is the most scientific in use in the world. We in the North have achieved 100% literacy because we don’t muddy our writing with Chinese characters, like those elitist jackals in the South.
Kimchi is the world’s most perfect food. It is loaded with healthy vitamins. It cures Avian flu and SARS, it prevents HIV and pregnancy…it removes rust!
I think I will go back to poofy in the summertime.
You racist bastard! How dare you compare rice with cheeseburger for us Koreans. You effing asshole.
Actually that was really really funny. However, the cabbage is pickled, because winters are cold as shit over there and you gotta get veggie nutrients somehow….
Can you please tell me the meaning of “IMAO”
Thank you!
Arlene