I am against the Flag Burning Amendment. I, having not actually read the text of it, presume it will merely make state laws which criminalize flag burning, stand against Supreme Court shenanigans.
I want it to be known I am against flag burning, of course. I just think that there may possibly be ways that the Constitution could be amended specifically to allow flag burning as an expansion of the first amendment expression of free speech, provisionally. Flagburners should never have to fear the government during or after the burning of an American flag, provisionally. I’ve said “provisionally” twice now so hopefully you know there are provisions and I am not completely off the deep end.
If some other changes are made as well to the amendment I could accept it. If it were amended to, say, expand the first amendment a little in other ways and while we are at it tweak some other popular amendments as well.
The Right to Freedom of the Press. – First Amendment
Americans should be protected if they want to put flagburners in a large metal press, the kind that Sarah Connor terminated the first terminator with in the movie Terminator. They should also be allowed to operate the metal press in as slow a manner as they wish as free expression of this.
The Right To Bear Arms. – Second Amendment
I’m not talking about shooting flagburners, that’s waaaaay too quick for them. Bear arms, attached to a living, preferably hungry, bear, should be employed to hug flagburners in the gentle embrace that only a wild bear can give. Any ripping, shredding or disemboweling the bear arms do should be covered and protected under the amendment.
The Right to Peacefully Assemble – First Amendment Again
This right should be expanded to include piece-by-piece disassembly of flagburners. Say, like, with an array of farm implements, some dull, some sharp. We could mix it up so it doesn’t get boring. Boredom can be pure torture, ask any Gitmo detainee.
The Right To Not Face Double Jeopardy. – Seventh Amendment
If an American is unsuccessful at expressing any one of these rights to their personal satisfaction, they should be able to express any of the other newly expanded rights listed here until the flagburner faces, what we can call Eternal Jeopardy.
The Right to Freedom of Expression – First Amendment One Final Time
An American should be allowed to exercise his/her freedom of expression by burning an American flag BURNER during or after the actual flagburning. I would recommend during, since that practically begs for the use of gasoline-filled balloons.
Then flagburners will never again have to fear a viscious facsist American government when they exercise their new constitutional right.
They will just have to fear people like me and maybe, you.
Let’s do our best to make flagburning legal, unsafe and flagburners somewhere between rare and medium well.
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