The Miss America Pageant has now been moved to the Country Music Television Channel.
I’m a big fan of beauty contests. Some people say that true beauty lies on the inside, but I’ve noticed that only ugly people say that. Anyway, not that Miss America has left the major networks and ‘gone country’ I’ve done some digging and have learned that this pageant will be going through some changes.
Here’s Ducky’s Dozen:
Top Changes for Miss America Now That It’s On CMT
Now on CMT, Country Music Television.
12. Judging panel use gold covered spittoons.
11. Sponsorship provided by Roadkill Helper
10. Orchestra is replaced by Mr. Earl and His Jug Town Band
9. Opening number is one big square dance
8. Kenny Chesney eligible to be a contestant
7. Moonshine Chugging Competition
6. All contestants given the middle name “Sue” or “Lou”
Announcer: “And here’s our next contestant. Margarita Lou Lopez!!”
5. Bikinis replaced with Daisy Dukes
4. New, improved talent show!!
Announcer: And here’s Miss New York, Elizabeth Lou Miller!
Miss NY: At first I was going to recite poetry, but now that we’re on CMT I’d like to do some hog calling. Suweeee. Soweeee. Suweeeeeeeeeeeeee.
3. Official song becomes, “She’s purtier than my red wagon”
2. Pageant contestants would be the first people on CMT with all their teeth.
And the biggest change now that Miss America is on CMT…
1. I’ll be in my trailer means, “I’m going home”
you are one funny duck!
Alternate middle name Joe As in Mary Joe Beuferd.
That’s dang funny! And Kenny Chesney is mighty purty (he’ll need a wig though).
Giving up bikinis for Daisy Dukes?!?! I am thinking we’d get rid of the formal gown part first.
Dork:)
Being that the republican partys heart in the Southeast and the Midwest, im not sure the “2. Pageant contestants would be the first people on CMT with all their teeth.” comment was necessary at all. I realize it was ment in good humor and no hostile intent, just people in those regions (my self included) enjoy country music and might not appreciate that comment.
Rabs,
If something offended you, remember, keep reading. The next line will offend someon else.
I sure hope #2 doesn’t cause the Republicans to lose votes. Sometimes I forget my power.
P.S. I’m a huge country music fan, hence the reference to the tiny feminine Kenny.
i like country music too.
As a country music fan, I have to tell you ducky, as cute as he is, Kenny Chesney isn’t able to contend. He’s married now. Although, in a contest between him and his wife, he’d win!
You most funny Ducky!
I don’t like country music much but I LOVE country people. Almost all of the jokes such as number “2” are told by the country people I know with much laughter (some less sensitive than that one). Its part of why I loves um so danged much! 🙂