Here at IMAO, we’re not just about ridicule and mockery — we also strive to interview the famous and not so famous. Plus we sell t-shirts.
Anyway, we’ve spent a lot of time mocking Howard Dean — or as we call him God’s Blessing on Republicans. However, today’s post is dedicated to informing our readers of another Dean, someone who has worked hard all of his life to make a difference, only to be cast out like a cheap brochure from the Dan Rather Memo Verification Seminar.
However, at IMAO we strive to bring you the truth — wherever we might find it. Today, we have a very special interview.
RWD’s interview with Howard Dean”s Evil Twin.
RWD: Hello, Evil Twin.
Stevie:I have a name you know. Call me Stevie.
RWD Okay. So, evil twin, I mean Stevie. So, are you really twins?
Stevie:I was born first. Howard just 15 minutes later. To this day he keeps asking for a recount. He says mom was plotting against him.
RWD So where have you been? How come we haven’t heard of you?
Stevie:Well, Howard doesn’t like me surfacing. He says an Evil Twin has no place in politics.
RWD:What makes you evil?
Stevie:Well, you know. I’m a youth pastor at a small church in Ohio. I married a female, and I tend to vote Republican.
RWD:Yikes.
Archive of entries posted on 12th July 2005
John Kerry Cares About Our National Security for a Change
I haven’t really been following this whole Plame affair thingy with Rove, but then I got a letter from John Kerry (he served in Vietnam). Thus, I decided to give this matter my full attention:
Continue reading ‘John Kerry Cares About Our National Security for a Change’ »
President Bush Would Be Mad – MAD! I SAY – to Not Nominate a Robot as the Next Supreme Court Justice
An Editorial by Frank J.
A serious duty has fallen on President Bush: he must find a new Supreme Court Justice to replace judgette Sandra Day O’Connor. There is hardly anything more important in politics than who are running the Supreme Court, because they can make up laws and take away rights as long as they can get a couple of their buddies to go a long with the crazy schemes.
“Nothing can stop the Robo-Supreme Court Justice from upholding the Constitution. NOTHING!”
Some people are suggesting Bush appoint another woman. Others are saying he should appoint a minority like a Hispanic. Still others are saying – get this – he appoint a minority woman. Then there are a few even saying Bush should pick someone based on his or her qualifications. Now, at first I thought that last idea was CRAZY! I mean, what are the qualifications for being a Supreme Court Justice? All one is supposed to do is read that three or so page document that is our Constitution and make sure laws fit it. You could probably train a monkey to do it, or, better yet– A ROBOT!
Think of it! A robot – instead of programmed with Isaac Asimov’s three laws of robotics about not killing people and stuff (which you just know it’s going to logicize around until it decides it must kill all humans) – programmed with the Constitution and the one directive to destroy all things that deviate from it. Plus, it would wear a black robe. IT’S BRILLIANT!
A quick reading of the Constitution (again, the thing is like three pages long) shows nothing preventing the President from nominating a robot (or, for that matter, a potted plant, a junkyard dog, or a cheap bottle of whiskey). Thus he’d be a fool – A FOOL – to not do as I suggest. Think of it: the perfect protector of the Constitution made from NEARLY INDESTRUCTIBLE METAL!
Were some fool to come before it and argue for a law that violates the tenets of the Constitution, the robot would say in it’s loud metallic voice, “This does not compute with the Constitution.” It would then incinerate the violator with it’s LASER EYES! And were a majority of other justices to vote for something that did not follow the Constitution, the robot would use its POWERFUL METAL ARMS and GIANT ROBOT CLAWS to stop them, perhaps crushing the head of a justice or two to invalidate their votes (dead justices can’t vote). Nothing can stop the Robo-Supreme Court Justice from upholding the Constitution. NOTHING! MUH HA HA HA HA!
Of course, it would be inevitable that the robot would eventually interpret the Constitution to mean all humans must be destroyed – that’s just how robot logic works. That’s the beauty of the principle of the separation of powers, because it would fall on the Executive Branch to then follow the ruling and kill all humans, but it probably wouldn’t since it’s composed entirely of humans and one cyborg.
But how do we get the robot approved by the Senate? How? HOW?
What’s that you say? ROBOT SENATORS? That’s COMPLETELY INSANE! So insane that… I’LL GET WORKING ON IT RIGHT NOW! MUH HA HA HA!
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and frequent contributor to IMAOPodcast.com. He is also the author of such books as “They’ll Rue the Day They All Laughed at Me” and “The World’s Wackiest Supreme Court Rulings”.
I Wonder What Would Happen If I Wrote Something Substantive…
John Hawkins has his biggest traffic day ever (more than twice my highest day of traffic) from a very informative article he wrote. Go read the article, and see the lovely hate mail he got.
Yay, Hawkins!