Once I again, the doctor is here to make sure that all of the questions you have are answered for you.
Ask Dr. Duck – Part 2.
O say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,What so proudly we hail’d at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro’ the perilous fight,O’er the ramparts we watch’d, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro’ the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Posted by JoshG at July 8, 2005 11:14 AM
Okay. Weird question but I guess you have a lot on your mind.
Yes, I can see it.
Yes, they were gallantly streaming.
And Yes, that banner does wave. Hurray! Play ball.
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Is Islam a gutter religion, or a mental disorder?
Posted by Purple Raider at July 8, 2005 11:16 AM
Yes, some of the followers of Islam do end up in the gutter, and on the walls, and on the windows– but that doesn’t make it a mental disorder. Actually, it does.
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Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip?
Posted by Steve L. at July 8, 2005 11:27 AM
I don’t know, but I’d like to thank the guy
Who wrote that song, after all, it made my baby fall in love with me.
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What is your name?
What is your quest?
What… is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Posted by Masked Menace® at July 8, 2005 11:38 AM
Are these the next verses to the Rama lama ding dong song?
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To go along with Steve L; Who wrote the book of love?
If who’s on first, then what’s on second?
If I make a silly face and some one hits me on the back, will it really get stuck that way?
Posted by Dr. Phat Tony at July 8, 2005 11:38 AM
The book of love was written by Dr. Seuss. It was then burned for being heretical.
If who’s on first, then what’s on second. That’s RIGHT. But it’s not a question.
That question about the face brings back memories. Once, my army buddies and I went on a hunting trip. After we were done killing stuff, we sat around the campfire that night. While my friend Bill was making a face at the group and we were laughing it up– my buddy Dave nailed him in the back with an axe. Hahahahaha. I guess you had to be there. Anyway, Bill’s face did indeed stay that way, mostly because his family ended up using a budget funeral home. That reminds me, I should go hunting again.
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Are we really who we think we are, or are we only figments of someone’s imagination?
Posted by tomintexas at July 8, 2005 11:52 AM
Well, I have a friend in Texas named Tom. I know there can’t possibly be TWO of you, so I think that you are indeed imagining yourself. So, try thinking about something else. Here, let me put this song in your head..
“Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong?”
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Why are Liberals so closed-minded?
Posted by richard at July 8, 2005 11:57 AM
They have to be. If they opened their minds, what little they have would come plopping out.
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Is there enough time to answer all these questions before the deadline?
Posted by Dr, Phat Tony at July 8, 2005 12:11 PM
Of course there is, we have plenty of ti–
Just kidding. Of course there is.
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I have fantasies of flying large, liquefied deviled ham laden, spray equipped aircraft over Muslim infested areas, and pulling the trigger (as it were) whilst flying perfectly parallel patterns of pork product defilement.
Am I sick?
Posted by cwchute at July 8, 2005 12:12 PM
Only if you were to fly in little heart patterns. THAT would be weird.
I believe that your fantasies are healthy and normal. However, you might start to worry if in your dreams, your flight attendant is Al Franken in short shorts.
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I’m planning on buying a revolver for fun. I’m deciding between a Colt and a Smith & Wesson. Here’s the problem: Colts are by far the best, but they run up in the thousands of dollars, while S&W is comparatively weak, but only costs a couple of hundred dollars. So, quality, or quantity?
Gunlord
Posted by gunlord at July 8, 2005 12:23 PM
Guns are boring. You should get an axe. Did I tell you about my last hunting trip?
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You gave out my home address? The Warren commission never found me and now…man.
It is SO Duck huntin’ time.
Posted by spacemonkey at July 8, 2005 12:26 PM
Relax, I gave out a fake address. It’s not your real home address of 145 Stoneybrook Way. Stop being so insecure. Speaking of security the gate code is #1452*
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How can I protect myself from obsessed union auto manufacturers?
Posted by Dr. Phat Tony at July 8, 2005 12:28 PM
The good part about being threatened by union workers is that they’d probably do a substandard job. Whenever they threaten you, tell them it’s time for their break.
You should start to worry if the union decides to outsource their intimidation.
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Did you get your doctorate from Sally Struthers like I did?
Posted by Dr. Phat Tony at July 8, 2005 12:29 PM
Yes, my lunch too.
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In Chicago hot dogs and hot dog buns now come in equal packages. There was a huge press release a few months ago, with tons of free hot dogs given out at Daley Plaza.
So Take THAT! Rest of the country!
Posted by Pluto’s Dad
You’re right. You got us good. There’s nothing I enjoy more on warm December day than sitting on my back porch in my shorts and grillin’ a hot dog. What are YOUR winters like again?
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I have been listening to the Grammaphone Recordings of IMAO on my Difference Engine, and I must say they are stellar. What can we, as good citizens, do to make sure that every man, woman, and child in the world is given access to these recordings whether they want them or not?
Posted by chrth at July 8, 2005 01:22 PM
Your AOL philosophy might work. I recommend doing a test mailing of a couple of million households and seeing how it works out. We’ll reimburse you up to $25 dollars for the postage.
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If a bird is flying west at 24mph and I am driving east at 76mph and we collide, who will suffer the most injury?
Posted by Tyler D at July 8, 2005 01:25 PM
YOU of course because you’re driving east. What’s up with that? I’ve seen the east. There’s nothing there but hurricanes and tornados. The bird was going west. It was smart — until it hit your car of course.
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I recently used my S&W .357 Magnum for fun. How do I get blood out of the carpet?
Posted by Plea Deal at July 8, 2005 01:50 PM
It’s a tricky operation. I suggest you call for help on that one. Write down this phone number — 9-1-1. Tell them everything you did and they’ll send someone ‘to help’.
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Another thing to consider about my revolver question. I’ve been planning a trip to Afghanistan to “take care” of some things. Which one will give me the most satisfaction while blowing out OBL’s kneecaps? Plus, what other weapons should I bring? I’ve got an SVD Dragnov so what could compliment that?
Gunlord
Posted by gunlord at July 8, 2005 02:31 PM
Good for you. Travels to Afghanistan are good for the economy. However, I need to make sure you are guided in the right direction. If you’re goal is to knock off OBL, I believe your best weapon would be a room service uniform.
Plug him one for me. This will not only make me feel a part of the process, it will become part of your insanity defense. “This one’s for the duck. The duck told me. I knew the duck was right.”
**
Dr,
I got the following error when trying to access my SQL server:
“An invalid file was specified 31020.”
What the duck happened???
Posted by Mr. Bubble at July 8, 2005 03:10 PM
I’ll cross reference my codes, but I believe it means that you’re gay. Sorry to tell you. Try rebooting. If that doesn’t work, try rebooting with a 3 inch stilleto heel.
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How come all the Random Quotes are from over 2 years ago? Have there been no good quotes since May 2003?
Posted by chrth at July 8, 2005 03:36 PM
Great question. The reality is that all of this is a figment of your imagination. The quotes are just one of the many clues. It’s a like a surprise ending. Okay? Bye now.
Hmmm. I can’t seem to get this hall closet door open, almost as if there was some table there now that I can’t see.
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Summer is finally upon us (in Seattle), which means one thing: baseball! Can you recommend a good baseball bat for beating hippies?
Posted by tomsmith at July 8, 2005 04:40 PM
Summer time in Seattle is a special time of year. Specifically, it’s 7 days a year. But still it’s very special.
Ah, bats.
This brings up the age old argument — wood or aluminum? But you know what, Tom? It’s not about the bat. It’s about technique. Don’t be shy about choking up on the bat. And remember — Follow through, follow through, follow through!!
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A legal question. Is it still considered stalking if I confine my activities to daylight hours?
Posted by slapshot at July 8, 2005 04:45 PM
You know what you call somebody who stalks in the daylight? A beginner!
Come on, what’s up with that? If you’re going to stalk, go out and get yourself a nice little black outfit. Not only does it conceal you at night — It’s also quite slimming.

Okay. That’s all.
Enjoy your weekend.