Good Afternoon, I’m RightWingDuck and this is your News Round-Up.
Yes, it has been a while hasn’t it? So I’ll start off easy and work my way up throughout the week.
Do you know what this world needs? Fewer Stereotypes.
On a recent trip to the Middle East, singer Ricky Martin said he wants to help Arabs with their stereotypes.
“I have been a victim of stereotypes. I come from Latin America and to some countries, we are considered ‘losers,’ drug traffickers, and that is not fair because that is generalizing,” said Martin, who was born in Puerto Rico.
He vowed to help them any way he could.
Because nothing helps the Arab image than to get help from a Latino who won’t even admit he’s heterosexual.

Martin attended the silver jubilee of the Arab Children’s Congress set up 25 years ago by Jordan’s Queen Nour, King Hussein’s widow, to promote creativity, peace, cross-cultural understanding and tolerance. He said he would like to promote a similar youth congress for his native Latin America.
Provided he can rustle up enough kids who weren’t working as mules.
Ricky Martin is determined to make a difference. In fact, in their honor, he will launch a new hit single — Living La Vida Jihad.
Does it leave you a bit dizzy? You should take something.
In London , Mars, the company that made its fortune satisfying chocolate cravings, announced plans Monday to develop medications that use a component of cocoa to help treat diabetes, strokes and vascular disease.

Wow, help with vascular disease. I can just hear the jingle now–
Bom bom bom bom
sometimes you feel like a stroke.
Bom bom bom bom
Sometimes you don’t.

In other news, the Mar’s company says that their new product will have 20 less sugar than your typical placebo.
In Michigan a woman had her foot saved from amputation. What is the latest treatment?
Maggots.
That’s right. You know what’s worse. The HMO balked at payment.
“I’m sorry, you’re policy only provides coverage for 10 maggots. How will you be paying for the other 25?”
The patient is doing fine and has been moved into the Leech Treatment Ward.
I’d like to be there for that first bedside conversation.
Doctor: Congratulations. Your foot is fine. The maggots ate all the waste!
Patient: Wonderful. You know when you first suggested this, I thought this was some sort of cheap cut-rate hospital.
Doctor: Of course not. Here — Remember to take your M&M’s.
One interesting note. Now doctors will sound like some of my Drill Sergeants. “Good going, maggots. Good going.”
While on a visit to Kenya, former President Bill Clinton was offered 20 cows and 40 goats for Chelsea’s hand in marriage.
Bill declined saying, “That’s what I need — ANOTHER cow.”
Hillary is still considering the offer and is waiting to hear whether the cattle and goats would be allowed to vote.
In other news, Jane Fonda will be launching an Anti-Iraq war tour. That’s right. She decided she could no longer stay quiet and has decided to tour the country to call for an end to the Iraq war.
I think she’s already screwing up. She made this announcement to the press while sitting in a London Double-decker wearing an explosive vest.
You never saw so many people make a mad scramble — mostly because they were looking for the remote detonator.
Oh, in case you haven’t heard — the tour bus will be powered by vegetable oil – which is better for the environment and for the bus’s cholesterol.
Is this a crazy world or what?
Anyway, here’s something you’ll really enjoy.
Al Gore says that he got tips from Johnny Carson on how to deliver jokes.
I can just picture them outside on a sunny day, drinking lemonade and working on jokes.
Johnny: “Okay, kid. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
Al Gore: “Do you know how you can tell the difference between me and a tree?
Johnny: “Good, pause. Look wooden. Great!”
Al Gore: “I’m the one who really invented the forest.”
Johnny: Doooooooh. Great! Now, can you practice moving a bit less?”
Al: “Johnny, I’m over here. You’re talking to the tree again.”
**
Thanks for visiting. Remember, I can’t hear you laugh. If anything tickled your funny bone – post it in comments.