“Man,” President Bush groaned as he looked out the window, “I try to come here to the rustic charm of my Crawford ranch so I can play X-Box all day, but instead I keep getting bothered by protestors. What do they want now? Free booze?”
“It’s Cindy Sheehan and a bunch of liberals,” Laura Bush answered, “She’s demanding to meet with you… again.”
“What!” Bush yelled, “I’m the President of the United States of America! No one demands to meet with me. Why, if Chirac did that, I’d punch him right in ugly, smelly French face!”
“Well don’t punch Mrs. Sheehan,” Laura told him, “She’s a grieving mother.”
“She is?” Bush said, now feeling bad, “Well, I guess I can talk with her then.”
“Maybe you should discuss that with your staff first,” Laura suggested.
“Bah! If the American people elected me president – twice – it can only be assumed I’m the smartest man on the planet. Send me Sheehan!”

“Horrible news!” Cindy Sheehan cried to her liberal entourage, “Bush has agreed to meet with me again! He wasn’t supposed to do that! What if it diffuses this whole thing! I wanted to keep standing out here and harping on him in front of the press for as long as possible! And it’s not like I can refuse to meet him now; this is a disaster!”
Michael Moore turned away from the hotdog stand to face Sheehan. “You can always say you were insulted again by him and demand a third meeting– Oh! And I have an idea! Would it be okay with you if we dug up your son’s corpse and waved it around in front of Bush?”
Sheehan thought for a moment. “Do you think it’s what Casey would have wanted?”
“WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT SOME BABY-KILLER’S OPINION!!!”

“So, Agent Smith, you think we’re okay for the meeting?” Bush asked the Secret Service Agent.
“Do you want me to tackle and pummel her if she slaps you?”
“You think she’ll slap me?” Bush asked, surprised.
“It’s possible.”
Bush thought on that for a moment. “I’m a man; I can take a slap. No tackling or pummeling. We have press here and they’ll have a field-day with that.” He was silent for a few seconds, but then blurted out, “But, if she tries to stab or shoot me, maybe you should do something about that.”
“Eh,” Agent Smith answered, “I’ll play it by ear.”
Cindy Sheehan entered the room, and immediately Bush’s face brightened up. “Hey! I remember you! We met before!”
“We did!” Sheehan screamed, “You were ru…”
“So, did what I tell you about getting rid of the ants work?” Bush asked, smiling.
“Well… yeah,” Sheehan answered, a little thrown off, “but that’s not the point…”
“I told you it would work, but you were skeptical.” Bush chuckled. “So how is your husband?”
“He is very supportive of what I’m doing,” Cindy asserted.
“That great!” Bush said enthusiastically, “How is the rest of the family?”
“I’m not talking to a lot of them since they voted for you in 2004!” she yelled angrily.
Bush smiled wider. “Wow, that’s great to hear. Next time you see them, tell them I thank them for their support. I love my supporters.”
Sheehan screamed. “Don’t you understand that I hate you?!”
Bush was confused. “What? Why?”
“You murdered my son!”
Bush backed away from her. “You don’t have any proof of that!” he shouted defensively, “Let’s see ballistics match that bullet to any of my guns!”
“I mean he was in the Army and killed in Iraq,” Sheehan said.
Bush started laughing. “Oh, now I get it. This was all just a mistake. This whole time you were blaming me for your son’s death when he was actually killed by Shiites.” Bush turned more serious. “If you want, I can get you a flight to Iraq so you can go yell at them.”
“No!” Cindy shouted, “You murdered him by starting an unjust war based on lies!”
“I didn’t lie!” Bush yelled, “There really are an Iraq and a Saddam Hussein! You can look it up!”
“No! I mean about WMDs! We know all about it from the Downing Street Memos!”
“What in the world are you talking about?” Bush asked, getting confused again.
“You and your Vice-President should be impeached! You stole you first election anyway! Now you and your neocons are making wars based on lies! You’re the biggest terrorist… you and the Israelis, that is!”
Bush rolled his eyes. “Now you’re bringing the Jews into this. You’re just a regular left-wing nut, aren’t you? No wonder you son joined the Army and went to Iraq; he was probably trying to get away from you!”
Cindy Sheehan started sobbing uncontrollably and ran out of the room. Bush then noticed the T.V. cameras. He turned to Agent Smith. “This isn’t going to play well on the nightly-news, is it?”
“I only watch cable news, sir.”
“Well, maybe another broad will disappear in Aruba and this story will get buried.”
Agent Smith stared at President Bush for a moment. “You really are an insensitive bastard sometimes.”
“Whatever; let’s go play X-Box.”

Apologies to Casey Sheehan for making fun of your mother who I’m sure you love very much. You made a brave choice to put your life on the line when you re-enlisted at age 24, shortly before your death. It’s because of people like you that we’re able to have our blogs and our freedoms, and, while I can never repay you for your sacrifice, I will do my best to honor it throughout my life as a proud American.