Archive of entries posted on 22nd August 2005
totally unphotoshopped picture of laurence “lava sledding” . . .
Let me hear your body talk… body talk…
Olivia Newton-John’s boyfriend is missing.
Maybe she got a little too Physical?
(Via OTB)
Lava sledding
You know, I’m getting pretty sick of the World Series of Poker and other Poker shows clogging up the cable channels. All these makeovers and reality shows are bumming me out, too.
Can one hope for a sudden explosion of lava sledding on the tube, now that the Hawaiians have thumbed their noses at Darwin and revived the practice?
What began as childhood fun on a natural roller coaster has evolved into an academic and cultural journey aimed at reviving the 2,000-year-old Hawaiian tradition of he’e holua, or Hawaiian lava sledding.
And Stone has the scars to show for it.
Wearing just a tank top and shorts and reaching speeds of up to 70 mph on a sled standing only 4 inches above the ground, Stone once ran into a steel post sticking up from the grass during a demonstration on a slope on Maui, tearing an 18-inch gash in his left thigh.
In another crash, Stone broke his neck. It hasn’t stopped him.
“You can’t even imagine what it’s like to be headfirst, 4 inches off the ground, doing 30, 40, 50 miles an hour on rock,” Stone said. “It looks like you are riding just fluid lava. It’s death-defying … but it’s a lot of fun.”
What’s Hawaiian for “Jackass?” And does Johnny Knoxville like poi?
I know I’m on the edge of my seat, jiggling my restless legs with joy at the thought. And my Spam filters are already updated to block “Honolulu Hold ‘Em” and “Oahu Boo-Boos.”
I guess we can look forward to this in Harvey’s Extended Version Ten Anniversary Edition DVD Release of Fun Facts About Hawaii. I’m clearing a shelf and getting out the Pledge for it as I speak.
Please Input
Just to stress the point, please comment on the post below. The podcast is a lot of work for all involved, and, though we love seeing our creativity come to life in it, there is only so long we can keep at it with nothing in return (we barely even get much feedback). Your honest assessment would be appreciated, and Scott should have the new podcast up later today.
IMAOnDemand?
How many of you blog readers would be interested in IMAOnDemand, an audio version of the blog that you would download to your computer and listen to at your convenience?
There’s so much confusion about the IMAO Podcast (“Podcast? No, I can’t listen to podcasts… I don’t own an iPod”) that I’m considering a change that would re-brand the weekly IMAO audio productions as “IMAOnDemand” in the hopes that more people listen.
The bottom line is the bottom line: I am not seeing a growing number of downloads for the IMAO Podcast, our audio is being ignored by the mainstream media that normally fawns over any poorly produced but politically far-left podcast (I count a grand total of “0” stories done on right-of-center podcasts like StarkCast or unashamedly right-wing podcasts like Republican Radio but no fewer than seven mentions of far-left “entertainment” podcasts in the past ten weeks of New York Times’ stories on podcasting), and I’m not seeing a return on time/money investment here.
If you like the IMAO Podcast, comment in our forum or send us an e-mail to let us know podcast@imao.us
AFTERNOON UPDATE: Here are some of the comments we’ve received about the IMAO audio content so far…
If you just change the name (EXCELLENT IDEA!) make it something obvious like “IMAO on MP3” or “Audio IMAO” so the doofi like me don’t ignore it for 7 weeks because we don’t HAVE one of those Ipod thingies.
-Squirrel on Crepes
I don’t download the podcast because I view IMAO when I should be working… and work + speakers don’t mix.
-Charles
I have no intereste[sic] in any audio content. I prefer to read because it is faster and quieter and can easily be done in bits and pieces as I work or whatever.
-Bolie Williams IV
thanks but no thanks …. I enjoy your blog just fine without audio …. usually means no one in the office is aware of what I do during my breaks (from reality)
-pete
I seriously don’t think you’re doing half enough to promote the podcast if getting mentioned on the NYT & more is your goal…
-Francesco Poli
EDITOR’S RESPONSE: Our goal is not to have any IMAO audio productions mentioned in the NYT… our goal is to have 10,000+ downloads per week of our audio productions–the left-wing podcasts that have been mentioned in the NYT do enjoy those kinds of download numbers while we are hovering at 4,600 per month and all of our requests for media attention are ignored. I am sure that if Glenn Reynolds, Michelle Malkin, the guys at PowerLine, La Shawn Barber, and Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs would talk about the IMAO Podcast on their blogs, we wouldn’t even need a mention in the NYT.
WORK-LIFE BALANCE UPDATE: For the large number of IMAO readers who say “I can’t listen to audio at work”, the solution to that is a cheap USB Drive from any local electronics store like Best Buy. You can download the IMAO Podcast as an MP3, pop in the USB Drive into your work computer, transfer the MP3 to the USB Drive, and take the USB Drive with you to listen on your PC at home. The $16 USB Drive from Best Buy I mentioned is a great investment just because it is more convenient than a floppy disk and can hold hundreds of digital photos, thousands of documents, or up to 5 IMAO Podcasts at a time.
POST-PODCAST POSTING UPDATE: I want to thank everyone who has given us great feedback on the IMAO Podcast… which will now be called IMAudiO. We hope you all enjoy the latest episode!
A Story, Bit-by-Bit
Superego: Part 14 – Everything on It
PREVIOUS
All Dip could turn up about Senator Gredler was rumors of all the sleazy things you’d expect a politician to be involved in (the wise man is distrustful of anyone who seeks power). The guy was a real power player – planets moved at his beckoning – but that still made him a relative small fry compared to intergalactic criminal syndicates (our power isn’t limited by who we have treaties with; we go wherever our weaponry allows us). Still the Galactic Alliance was the largest political movement I’ve seen, and it could be a threat to organized crime were it to grow – something I would think would be encouraged by us publicly killing one of their highest ranking politicians.
A piece was missing. It was Diane’s job to fill it in. In my hotel room, I rearmed (smaller, even more concealable pieces) and dressed casual for our “date.” It was not going to be my goal to woo the Detective – for all I know, she could be a dyke (call me sexist for suspecting a woman who has a 78% percent chance of being attractive who isn’t married at her age, but I just say I’m being observational; my guess is she’s too tied up with her job for much of a personal life, though). I just wanted to get her to trust me as a fellow cop so I can get more information out of her. That was a new challenge for this psychopath, but I’m all for broadening my horizon.
Our meeting place was at a pizzeria. She was seated at a table wearing the same clothes she had on while on duty; apparently she was making this just a meeting between two fellow officers of the law – except, I knew she was suspicious of me. Plus, if she assumed I had any intelligence, she knew I knew she was suspicious of me. This worked well for me because it meant I wasn’t the only one who was going to be trying to act normal.
She smiled when she spotted me – somewhat perfunctorily – and asked, “How’s the leg?”
I took a seat across from her. “Little stiff, but it seems to be in working order. Still haven’t found anyone to fix the hole in my pants, though.”
We laughed at my joke. I scanned her face to better see her true feelings, and noticed she was doing the same to me. This could be awkward.
“You seem to be in good spirits after all that’s happened today,” she stated, trying to sound complementary.
“I wish I can say that was the worse I’ve been through.”
Her response was stopped by the waiter – some gray alien type I’d never seen before. He seemed to be familiar with the Detective and curious about her company. She told him I’m a police officer from another planet and left it there. “So what do you want on the pizza?” she asked me.
“Whatever you recommend.” I couldn’t care less. I usually eat the blandest things that give me the needed nutrients; eating is a functional thing for me. On occasion, I spoil myself just to keep my stomach used to rich foods and preservatives for situations such as this.
She ordered a “supreme” and a Coke to drink while I asked for bottled water for myself. I was somewhat wary of a restaurant meant to make human cuisine but run by aliens; what’s poison for some is yummy for others. Still, I decide I could trust the Detective on her choice in pizza joints.
“Sorry that a pizza is about all you’re getting for your heroism,” she told me with a slight smile, “It really is best to keep things quiet about you; we are certain more terrorists are lurking around the city.”
“And are you out to find them right now?”
“Now I’m eating dinner. Then I’ll be heading to the outskirts where our best leads say the terrorists are hiding. It looks like some more of these smaller attacks are to come and then something big planned for the main day of the conference.”
“And then you have an assassin after that Senator on top of all that. Seems like your plate is full.”
“I’m not on that case,” she told me, and I could detect the disappointment. Interesting.
“Why do you think an assassin is after that man?”
“I can’t really go into those details, Rico.”
I decided to look a little offended. If there was any information I needed, it was that. If this hit by the syndicate had been ratted to the police, that meant big trouble. “Well, any idea why someone would want that politician dead.” I cracked a smile. “Is he too honest?”
The Detective laughed heartily at that one. “Definitely a ‘No’ to that one.”
“So he’s extra-crooked?”
“I don’t know.” But she suspects something. I could tell it. “So, things sound pretty rough on Rikar. Are they going to get along without you?”
“There are a lot of people I trust on the police force, and I just needed a break from all the violence.” I then chuckled, because that was ironic. “Was hoping to find some more civilized means of police work to bring back there. We don’t need detectives as much most of the time because sentients will not even try to hide their crimes. Whether we apprehend the perp is a matter of whether we feel we have enough people and arms to do it.”
“Any chance of your planet joining the Galactic Alliance?”
“We’d need to organize ourselves more, first. How does that work out for you?”
She shrugged. “It needs work. It at least allows us to pursue criminals to other Alliance planets.”
I laughed. “How often are fugitives dumb enough to flee to an Alliance planet?”
She didn’t laugh. “Not often enough. At least with this current case I’m looking for people I’m pretty sure to be on planet.”
I decided to look more serious. “Such a stupid thing. These terrorist murdering people because they think some giant robot is a god. Religion can lead people to the dumbest behavior.”
Oops. Looks like I offended her, though she tried to hide it. “Are you religious, Rico?”
“No, not really, Detective.”
“What keeps you going then?”
Great. Now we’re down conversation paths I hadn’t planned for. “What?”
“Sounds like it can be rough on Rikar. What motivates you to keep at it?”
It was a somewhat philosophical question, so I let my self pause to think which I thought would not appear odd. “I guess… because people need me. Never really thought about that too much.” Seemed like a good answer.
The Detective considered my response for a moment. She then chuckled nervously. “Sorry; I guess I’m asking a lot of questions; hard habit to break.”
I smiled; I’m good with convincing smiles – I can even get the eyes right. “I’m asking questions, too. I’m really curious in all this. You have terrorists plus an assassination plot, and I’d love to see how an organized police department handles that. Is there any chance I could tag along with you as you try to find these terrorists?”
“I don’t know…”
“I might be of some help. I got a good look at the terrorists and their demeanor.”
“Demeanor?”
“Yeah, there was a way to them… a way to all sorts of killers. The terrorists all had a certain look to them… in their eyes. It’ll be visible in terrorists planning to attack later… even if they try to hide it.”
The Detective laughed. “Really?” She didn’t think I was serious, and I really was.
“Hey, I don’t know the area, but I know criminals. I think I can help. If I get in the way, tell me; I won’t be offended.” I smiled. “Anyway, I should be able to avenge my ruined pants.” I decided that was too cheeky since people died and thus quickly became more serious. “And it’s hard to see people gunned down like that and not try and help.”
She was quiet for a few seconds. “Okay, Rico. I’m afraid you’ll still have to be unarmed.”
“Then don’t make me enter anywhere first,” I laughed.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. If the terrorist have marked you, you’ll be safer among us anyway.”
I smiled, and then came the pizza and drinks. If I could really help her, then she’d have to trust me and I could get the info I needed – maybe get in close with Senator Gredler’s defense even. And, ironically, I might even actually for once save more people on a planet than I kill.
Considering the defenses I’d have to fight through to get Gredler and get out, not likely though.
“You like the pizza?” the Detective asked as she finished chewing a bite.
“Yes.” I truly did.
NEXT
Iraq Not Really Vietnam
No matter what Congressmoop Hagel bagel navel says, Iraq does NOT look the least little bit like Vietnam.
For crying out loud, John Kerry didn’t even SERVE there (BTW).
“Hanoi Jane” Fonda hasn’t manned an AAA position on a goodwill tour to the insurgents in Iraq to my knowledge.
Iraq is really dry and hot whereas Vietnam was/is WET and hot.
And there are dozens, nay, scores of other perfectly reasonable reasons why they aren’t the same.
UPDATE: Fewer letters in Iraq than Vietnam also, precisely 3, countem three fewer.
The Situation in Iraq May Have a Soft, Muddy Surface
There are some who say that the situation in Iraq is a quagmire. I don’t know how many people know what a quagmire is, though, and whether that is most accurate. A quagmire is land with a soft muddy surface. It’s not like you’d fear death to walk through a quagmire; instead, it’s more like, “Eww, I don’t want to step in that quagmire with these new boots.” If the situation in Iraq is a quagmire, that’s icky, but not dire. Now, hopefully it’s actually a marsh which is an area of soft, wet, low-lying land, characterized by grassy vegetation and often forming a transition zone between water and land. That would mean we are in a transitional phase.
But does the situation in Iraq remind you more of an acidic substrate and peat moss? Then it might be a bog. Though it also might be a fen or a mire (a quagmire sans the quag) – which are similar to marshes and bogs. Once again, these aren’t pleasant, but I think we can still manage in Iraq if it’s a fen.
Now, it could be a morass, but that’s just an area of low-lying, soggy ground – completely manageable. I know what might be concerning you, though: What if Iraq is a swamp? Well, a swamp is a seasonally flooded bottomland with more woody plants than a marsh and better drainage than a bog. Did you get that? More woody plants than a marsh and better drainage than a bog. That doesn’t sound bad at all, except I know the swamps here in Florida tend to have snakes and alligators – nothing an M-16 can’t handle, though. So I wouldn’t worry too much if Iraq is a swamp. If it’s a slough, that’s just a stagnant swamp, so also no worries.
What I fear, though, is if the situation in Iraq becomes a muskeg. A muskeg is like a swamp or a bog but with sphagnum moss. See, I don’t know what sphagnum moss is, and I fear the unknown.
But, whether people come to agree that Iraq is a quagmire, marsh, bog, fen, mire, morass, swamp, slough, or muskeg, it’s pretty clear you don’t want to go treading through Iraq and then into the house, because your mom will yell at you for the mud or other wet stuff you’ll get all over the floor. Still, I recommend that the Bush administration call Iraq a wetland which is exactly the same as a swamp but sounds better (that’s why environmentalist came up with the name; “Save the wetlands!” sounds much better than “Save the swamps!”). If people think that the situation in Iraq is a wetland, they’ll be like, “Oh, that sounds pretty.”
I hope you found this educational and now have a better understanding of Iraq.
Projection
“I don’t have a problem; you’re the one with a problem!”
So once sayeth a drunken roommate from college for whom I stayed up all night making sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit while he slept.
First, I keep seeing the humorless left saying how conservatives aren’t humorous, and then I’m always seeing the angry left saying how they aren’t angry, conservatives are. Take, for example, Daily “Screw ’em!” Kos. This one I find even harder to understand, because how can you be as angry as Kos and the average DU poster and not know it? I mean, you can practically see the spittle on the screen when these guys write.
When I’m angry, I know it (though I may sit silently and assert, “I’m not angry!”; I learned passive-aggressiveness from my father). What’s wrong with the left? Do they have some mental disease where they can’t recognize their own emotions? Do they need pills? Who isn’t giving them their pills? I don’t want to second-guess their doctors, but maybe they aren’t on the right dosage. Give them more pills.
An Appeal to the President
Considering the state of affairs in Iraq and our own country, I IMPLORE you, Mr. President, to punch Senator Hagel square in the face. My brother is currently risking his life in Iraq, and his sacrifice demands that you curl your hand into a fist and move it at great speed into Hagel’s big fat mouth. These are serious days, and they call for Hagel to by lying on the ground seriously bleeding. As the leader of this nation and the Republican Party, punching Senator Hagel is both your duty and your privelege.
Thank you.
Ramblings as I Drink My First Cup of Coffee Today
Hey, sportsfans. Haven’t paid much attention to the news or done any internet surfing since Thursday, so let me catch up on things. Seems the other bloggers did a good job of bringing in the traffic while I was resting, though (well, playing Donkey Konga takes some physical exertion).
Oh, and I won’t be able to hear the podcast until late in the day when I get back from work, so please tell me if it’s any good when it’s made available. Also, while we have some idea for the next podcast, any theme suggestions would be appreciated.
Oh, and should IMAO have more cat picture? Because I keep seeing my kitten and thinking, “I should take more pictures of her and post it on the blog. Everyone would love that.” I just don’t think I have the style of Lair in cat-blogging.
Notice how cats want to kill anything smaller than them? Another reason I don’t want lions introduced to North America.
Guess what I had in my work mailbox? Patent junk mail. Yes, junk mail just for people with patents. That’s kinda exclusive. Like, I’ve gotten junk mail for CCW holders (aren’t records of who has CCWs supposed to be sealed?), but this make me feel like I’m on an even more special junk mail list. I wonder if there is junk mail just for Nobel Prize winners? I guess there’s one way to find out, but I never liked chemistry and I’m just not murderous enough for a peace prize.
Mmm… coffee…
IMAO Podcast #13 8-22-05
- IMAO’s College (Part 1)
- Introduction & sponsors
- IMAO’s College (Part 2)
- Right Wing Duck’s College Class
- “World of Knowledge” w/ host Frank J: Stupidity
- Harvey: Fun Facts About Illinois Part 1
- Safe Partying Tips
- Harvey: Fun Facts About Illinois Part 2
- Spacemonkey’s College Class
- SarahK: She Blonded Me with Science
- Frank J’s College Class
- SarahK’s College Class
- Laurence Simon’s Crappy Bedtime Stories: The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
- Harvey’s College Class
- SarahK reviews “Arrested Development”
- IMAO’s College (Part 3)
- Conclusion
Updates to IMAO Podcast website
It’s Monday and that means there will be a new IMAO Podcast some time today!
For our regular listeners, this week’s episode of IMAO audio goodness is our “Back to School” special. If you’re new to the site or don’t know what a podcast is (a podcast is an audio file you can download to your computer or listen to on a portable media player that plays MP3s… you do NOT have to purchase an overpriced Apple iPod just to listen to a podcast), you can get all the answers at our IMAO Podcast website.
While there, check out some of the new features like the Fan Forum and rapidly-expanding archives of previous audio shows.