A couple from Itzstedt, Germany came home to discover a cat burglar had broken in and wrecked the place.
But this was no ordinary cat burglar…

The “cat burglar” had somehow crawled into the ground-floor of the apartment, broken window blinds, torn down drapes and trashed furniture.
Police also found fish and fish remains from a broken aquarium scattered around the apartment, said Julika Reinhardt, spokesman for the police in the town north of Hamburg.
Two officers finally found the offender, a cat, hiding under a kitchen cabinet but the heavyweight male resisted arrest, biting one officer in the thumb before they both managed to overpower it.
Reinhardt said the cat, wearing a name tag, was returned to its owner who would have to pay for the damage.

I think Cadet Happy may be on to something… Anti-Cat Cat Burglar Security Systems!
If only Spacemonkey weren’t missing in the storm, he could start building these things. Then Frank could market them, Sarah could model them, and we could demonstrate them on Nar-
Um… stuffed animal toys. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Haven’t heard from spacemonkey since the hurricane; I hope he and his family are doing all right in Mobile.
Keep praying for everyone caught in the hurricane, and do what you can to help.

Hi, it’s Frank J. Now, when blogs started, most people just used them as online diaries. I’ve never done that, but I thought I might give it a shot. It could be instructive to some people to know what a day in the life of a Republican is like. So, here’s my day so far:
I woke up this morning hating poor people – as always. Soon, I had my coffee and was reading the paper, dismayed once again that not enough brown-people in foreign countries are being killed. Doesn’t anyone understand how important oil interests are for my portfolio and that blood must be spilled for it? I get so mad sometimes that I think the only way I could cheer up would be to kick an orphan.
I tried to take my mind off all that and ended up contemplating the contention that we Republicans have never worked an honest day in our lives. That is just so untrue. I mean, I count my money (I’d never let someone else do it), and that’s honest work. Sure, the money was earned dishonestly and usually at the cost of the downtrodden, but I count it honestly as I would not lie about my financial situation to myself.
I decided that was enough philosophizing for one day and talked to SarahK about a good Republican hobby we could share together. My idea was we walk at night in the worst parts of town and kill whoever tries to mug us ala Death Wish. We’d get fresh air, some exercise from walking on foot, and some practical shooting experience. The only problem is we have to wait until October for the new Florida gun laws to come into effect which would make that activity perfectly legal.
To rest, I watched some news (FOX News, of course). It was nearly all hurricane coverage, but it was all about the plight of people and not about how this hurricane could affect my stocks. For a supposedly right-wing network, it could do better to cater to its audience.
Eventually, they broke from the hurricane coverage to some other news stories about an escaped monkey and Cindy Sheehan (not quite related). Cindy Sheehan has been a big concern for us neocons. I, like most neocons, am secretly Jewish and am trying to divert all of the U.S. government’s funds to helping Israel and its Zionism. The entire Bush administration is actually Jewish too, except for the gullible born-again Christian Dubya himself. He’s simply our dupe to have our bidding done. But, if Cindy Sheehan successfully gets another audience with Bush, she could tell him all about how the war in Iraq is all about Israel. We’ll lose our dupe! Something has to be done about Cindy Sheehan, and I hear there are plans to steal her gardening hat which we have theorized to be the source of her power.
That’s enough stress for one day; I could literally kill for a martini right now. Literally. Killing hardly ever leads to a martini, though.
Where’s my butler? I need to send him to the store to get more vermouth. Can’t go to the store myself as I might have to interact with commoners. Someone should really make special convenience store for rich Republicans like me where we can go shop on emergency occasions when we can’t find our butler and not have to worry about running into common folk.
Where is that butler? He’s never there when I need him.
I bet he’s a Democrat.

As a part of the new IMAO Diversity Program started by Spacemonkey (or was it Right Wing Duck cribbing it up using Spacemonkey’s letterhead again?), I’ve been asked to provide a list of lesser-known Jewish holdiays.
So, here’s the slate of lesser-known Jewish holdiays that shaped a young Laurence Simon into the wise and strong adult Laurence Simon you see here today (in addition to many boxes of Hostess Cupcakes, countless sixpacks of Miller Lite, and more prescriptions for Allegra than you can count on a millipede’s feet).

Continue reading ‘Lesser-known Jewish Holidays’ »

Let’s start the day off with a haiku!
The hurricane winds
Dost blow the hurricane rain.
Newsman tied to tree.

As promised in the show notes of our latest IMAudiO production, Scott has produced and posted Sarah K’s very funny “Blonded Me With Science” skit.
Listen live at:
http://www.imaopodcast.com/podcast/IMAO-Addiction.mp3
Comments? We’d love to read them on our IMAudiO Fan Forum

Remember to support IMAO’s sponsors. Without the money they give me, I’d have to call the INS on Right Wing Duck (just kidding; the organization is called ICE now).
In the Patron spot is the United States of the Internet. It’s an attempt to apply to the principles of the American Constitution to the internet and has a message board and blog along with it. It is your duty to check it out in exchange for free funny.
What funny, you ask? I’ll have some later; don’t rush me. What am I supposed to write about, anyway? I used up all my hurricane jokes last year (oy, don’t remind me of that).

What’s the worst thing about Hurricane Katrina and the possibility of New Orleans being flooded under dozens of feet of water?

Continue reading ‘New Orleans’ »

Did you know that coffee is the number one source of antioxidants? I don’t know what an antioxidant is, but apparently it’s good (and thus an oxidant is bad). So, all this time I’ve been drinking coffee, I’ve been extra super-smart.
I bet it’s even better for you when you drink it black like I do. Cream and sugar I bet take away the antioxidant power, or, in the least, make your coffee gay.
So, as an informal survey, what do you drink in the morning? Is it coffee (if so, how do you take it?), Mountain Dew, some other beverage, or are you a “I don’t need caffeine” weenie? Put your preference in the comments.

If you are stuck in the office on a dreary Monday and have a PC with speakers, you can listen to the latest IMAudiO production to brighten your day!
This IMAudiO production is about all of our corrupting influences… starting with the fact that you’re listening to our show when you should be working on your office computer.
Download the IMAudiO at:
http://www.imaopodcast.com/download.html
Comment on this audio in the IMAudiO Fan Forum at:
http://www.imaopodcast.com/phpBB2

Continue reading ‘New IMAudiO: The Corrupting Influence’ »

The Palestinians are just bursting and exploding with joy over the Gaza Disengagement.