Got a call this morning from my older brother in Iraq, Joe foo’ the Marine, and he wasn’t his usual cheery self. From the previous times I talked to him, he made it sounds like Fallujah was a theme park (but with explosions), but now he seemed weary of it.
“What’s the matter, Joe? Stick your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend’s face?”
“No. I’m just bored.”
“Don’t you get attacked all the time?”
“Eh.”
“So what’s changed?”
“Well… there’s nothing left to watch. I’ve seen all the DVDs out there and there’s nothing left to do.”
I started naming off movies followed by all sorts of TV series on DVD that I could think of, and, sure enough, he had watched them all.
“Frank, there’s nothing left to watch! I wanna go home now.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. There seemed to be only one appropriate response. “Chickenhawk!”
“Hey! That’s not true.”
“Sure, Joe, you were all for liberating Iraq in the beginning, but, as soon as you watched every DVD, it’s suddenly ‘Let’s pack up and go home.'”
“It’s not like I think we should all leave here… just those of us with nothing left to watch.”
“What about the USO shows?”
“They’re all country music and comedians I haven’t heard of. BTW, that 24 show is exciting. You never know who is going to turn up evil.”
“Yeah yeah. Don’t you like any country music? I just went to a Tobey Keith concert last weekend, and that was awesome!”
Joe answered in a way that seemed to imply he had heard far too much Tobey Keith while in Iraq.
“Anyway, how are things going in Iraq, war-wise?” I asked.
“I dunno.”
“Are there more or less attacks now?”
“I dunno. We get mortar fire when I’m at the forward base, and they’re always yelling, ‘Hit the decks!’ but I don’t want to spill my tater-tots all over the floor. Oh, have you seen Aqua Teen Hunger Force? That show is funny!”
So Joe had begun to count his days; the way he described things, Fallujah was as boring as North Dakota with just a bit more people trying to shell you. He only has the rest of this month and then September to get through before heading back to exciting Boise, though.
Despite finding out how boring war is when you run out of things to watch, he’s still hyped about going into Officer Training School and becoming a full-time Marine. Also, he really wants an HDTV and a 5.1 surround sound setup back at his home.
“But haven’t you just said you already watched everything?”
“But not in progressive scan with 5.1!”
HDTV with 5.1 surround sound for our returning Marines – does that sound like a good charity?
Anyhoo, Godspeed, Joe foo’.
God bless Joe Foo et al!
Maybe he should read some funny conservative blogs…
Oh, wait.
Never mind.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force ROCKS! The adult swim store has a box set of volumes 1-3 for 74.99, and I want it BAD! You can’t get bored watching that show, no matter how many times you’ve seen the same episode.
Turn you brother on to Books For Soldiers. They will get him damn near anything on DVD for free.
Joe Foo’ rules. Just make sure he’s seen Firefly.
chrth,
He’s watched the all 14 episoded at least twice since he’s been there. Hasn’t seen either of the trailers for the movie, yet, but suspects a bootleg copy of the movie will be available before he gets home.
That’s good to hear, Frank. Because if our soldiers don’t get to see Serenity when it comes out on 9/30, then the terrorists and DU win.
The guys and I out here in Hadithah Dam, Iraq, are rolling in hysterics! It’s so true!!!
Sickening…
There’s all kinds of new shit coming out in the fall season.
Hang tough, Joey foo!
Rentner,
Always happy to amuse our troops overseas 🙂
There’s always AFRTS and quality shows like 7th Heaven – mmm Jessica Biel….
I know the feeling. We ran into the same problem in kuwait.
AFRTS doesn’t play commercials, but plays PSA’s during the commercial breaks. It only takes a few weeks before you’ve seen them all 100x and start craving a cheesy informercial or a beer ad.
Frank,
You and Joe need to quit bitching – I’ve already offered to send all seasons of BTVS, Ghost in the Machine and damn near anything else – what kind of response did I get back?…. Spacemonkey trying to get me to open a g-mail account.
Like to a prospective welfare recipient who refuses to go fill out the forms – there’s only so much I can do.
– MuscleDaddy
From Camp Liberty:
It’s true – oh, so true. War really is hell – when you’re run out of movies to watch and video games to play.
My fellow Signal soldier, Delobi, failed to mention that not only have we watched EVERYTHING, but we watched it all in a home theater! Complete with EPSON Powerlite S1 projector and 5.1 surround sound (even had the sub-woofer in the leather couch that we purchased from the “Desert Caravan”)!
Joe, we’re almost out, hang in there you jarhead you!
Seriously though, utmost respect for our Marine Corp counter parts, you guys are what “they” are afraid of, not me and Delobi sitting in our signal shelters like some modern day Merry and Pippin.
Sweet blog BTW!
So has he seen Battlestar Galactica? First season is out as well as the original series. I just can’t figure out how Starbuck got turned into a girl. It makes no sense.
You should introduce Joe to anime. There’s thousands and thousands of hours of material out there. And pretty much every genre is represented, so there’s bound to be something he likes.
IMAO is proud to offer the IMAO Podcast every week to the members of our Armed Services FREE!
Download the latest (featuring Buck the Marine) at:
http://www.imaopodcast.com/download.html
New to the IMAO Podcast? Catch up with previous IMAO Podcasts using our expanded archives:
http://www.imaopodcast.com/archives.html
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman Season 1 is out on DVD and it’s got some yummy extras with Dean Cain, who visited Iraq recently and looks completely yummy in BDU’s
TEEEEEEJ
Muscledaddy: Well, you ARE on yahoo, blech. I was trying to do you a favor.
Me, I like to go straight to the inbox, not some flipping page telling me how friggin’ many unread emails I have IF I was actually looking at my inbox.
But to each his own.
Thundercats, Season I was just released. If Joe is our age and has a taste for some of that old-time nostalgia, he just might enjoy it.
Well, I was going to suggest sending Joe Foo and Company the new DVD version of The A-Team. Season I and Season II are now out in box sets… I got mine at Best Buy… Great show… Many hours of fun, action and humor between the two seasons…
However, considering the fact they are already in a warzone, the A-Team may not be what they’re looking for.
Also we’d need to check that whatever DVD player they are using can read American disks… Not all of them do.\
Anyway, just trying to help.