Time to Put Up or Shut Up

NOTE: This post will stay at top for the rest of the day. Check below it for updates.
Today’s the Carnival of Fundraising for hurricane Katrina disaster relief. I recommend The Salvation Army as they’re a Christian charity that seems to have avoided scandal that has plagued some other charities (though I think the bad publicity has caused The Red Cross — usually a first responder – to reform).
Glenn Reynolds has a big list of charities to donate to. I would first see if your place of work is going to match donations before picking one. And, as I said before, it’s not charity unless you’re hesitant to give that much.
Now excuse me while I call my company’s HR department to see if they’re doing the matching funds again.
UPDATE: My company is doing matching funds with The Red Cross, so that’s who I’ll be donating to.
UPDATE2: There is now an ad for Mercy Corps on my sidebar, a charity recommended by John Hawkins of Right Wing News for their efficiency with the money donated to them.
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It’s Just a Popularity Contest

And we want to win! Only 8 votes behind number one at Podcast Alley. We need to take the number one spot and hold it!
VOTE!

I guess you all want the Left to prevail

Left-wingers dominate Apple iTunes and Podcast Alley’s Top Ten lists and have since those sites started keeping tabs on listeners’ habits. Frank and I promised new IMAudiO (or “a new episode of the IMAO Podcast” for those who own an iPod) if IMAO is voted #1 at Podcast Alley for a 24 hour period between now and midnight September 5, 2005.
I just checked the stats at Podcast Alley and see that IMAO is #8 with only a fourth of the votes required to bump us up to the top slot. If you’re in the top slot at Podcast Alley, it often garners media attention for the producers (which IMAO needs to continue and grow).
And nine out of ten of the top podcasts are produced by political leftists–even if their shows aren’t about politics, these top-rated hosts go out of their way to villify traditional American values. And two of the latest audio productions added to the Podcast Alley lineup are “Left Hook Radio” and “Blast The Right” whose show descriptions cheefully offer to give advice on defeating the Republican agenda.
Take a stand against these hate-filled lefties and tell all of your friends and family to vote for IMAO at Podcast Alley. If you can’t immediately get on the Podcast Alley website, it’s the first of the month and lots of left-wing podcasts are telling their listeners to vote. Be vigilant and don’t let the political left game this system!
VOTE FOR IMAO!

Carnival Of Comedy

Your humble spacemonkey completely forgot about about the Carnival Of Comedy this week. It’s like my mind just blew away or something. I don’t know what could have been affecting me.
Anyway, I forgot to promo it on Tuesday and I even forgot to email Doc Rampage the Carnival goodie basket of information.
So if the good Doctor doesn’t have time to get it posted today blame me, not him. I’m sorry.

A Story, Bit-by-Bit
Superego: Part 22 – New Assignment

BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 21)


As I looked at the interior of the police headquarters, I imagined my run through the halls and theorized where people would most likely be standing as I shot my way out. Pandemonium would be my ally and my only way out alive as countless blaster bolts would fill the building, most aimed at me.
Of course, there was no reason I’d have to shoot my way out of here, but it was fun to imagine.
“What are you smiling about?”
“It’s a nice building,” I told Diane, “I wish I had a place like this back home.”
“Come on; I need to talk to the chief.”
As we walked through the building, I got a number of stares and smiles. I guess the word of my “heroism” had spread.
“Heard about you and your new partner, Tommy-gun,” said a plain clothes detective with a smile that asked to be punched out, “Good job. Lucky you got results, too, as, from the sounds of your methods, the Muslim community would have your badge for this under normal circumstances.”
“Do you have a point?” Diane asked sharply.
His smile died a bit. He was about to introduce himself to me, but Diane pulled me along. Good. I didn’t care who he was.
We entered an office where a stern looking Corridian sat behind a desk. “Close the door and take a seat,” he said.
I took a seat as Diane closed the door. “I’m Chief Greeling,” the Corridian told me, “So, you’re the Officer Rico, I assume?”
“Yes, sir. I’m thankful that I was allowed to tag-along and see how things are done here.”
He chuckled. “Detective Thompson is not exactly how we do things. Anyway, we are thankful to have you here; you’ve saved countless lives already. By the way, five terrorist were killed at Roppola Plaza and the bomb was defused.” He looked to Diane – now seated next to me – with a grave expression. “Westler was killed in the firefight.”
Diane was shocked and looked about to say something. I just held my tongue. It was work enough just appearing normal; I wasn’t going to pretend concern over some guy I never heard of.
Diane recovered herself. “Have we uncovered their main plot?”
“Nothing was found in that basement that indicated a terrorist plot on the day Senator Gredler gives his speech.”
I actually had to use effort to keep from laughing. I guess I was in a humorous mood. Me sitting here as some real cop hero was just too much.
Diane sighed. “What now?”
“That will be the concern of some other detectives. After your actions at the mosque, I have to take you off of this before we get anymore complaints.”
“And when did we start caring about the opinion of those who help hide terrorists?” she shot back.
“Thompson, I don’t have time for your religious bigotry,” the Chief said angrily, “Sometimes I think you aggravate as much crime as you solve.”
So Diane was right; they knew her record and sent her to get the job done so they could then yell at her afterwards to make it all right. I don’t know why she would put up with that, and I decided to put in a word for her (least I could do since I was probably going to eventually kill her).
“Where I come from, the Detective was actually quite reserved considering the scum we were dealing with; I just know some of those people are going to be more trouble down the line. If anything, you should be pushing them harder.”
The Chief just nodded. He couldn’t yell at me; I’m a hero.
“Rico was certainly invaluable in this,” Diane stated, “He has a very good eye.”
“And great aim, from what I here. Was it your idea to send Rico in alone to the terrorists’ hiding spot, Thompson?”
“It was my own idea,” I told him, “We didn’t have time. I don’t mean to be rude, but is there some point to this blather? We just stopped numerous terrorist attacks, but there still might be one big one to come and there’s an assassination of some politician to stop. Where I come from, we don’t just sit back and chat when there trouble abound, and I don’t understand what we’re doing here.”
Diane gave me a sharp look to shut up – which I ignored. I’m the hero cop; I can say what I want.
“We just like to review results so we can adjust in the future,” the Chief explained, a little flustered. He looked to Diane. “I’m now assigning you to part of the search for the assassin aimed at Senator Gredler.” He leaned closer to Diane and had a threatening expression. “You will in no way get near him, though.”
So it wasn’t just the Senator; it was something with Diane and the Senator. This was getting so interesting.
“Why would I want any involvement with him?” she answered casually.
The Chief looked to me. “If you are still interested in learning how we handle crime in Nar Valdum, I think there are some better detectives I could assign you with.”
Diane had no visible reaction to the slight. “I think we made a good team, but it’s up to him.”
I could now see some worry in Diane. She still suspected me – of something if not being the assassin specifically – and wanted to keep an eye on me. If I went with some other cops, it could mean I could get closer to my target and learn more with less suspicion aimed at me. Still, Diane probably knew more than anyone who actually followed all these regulations these civilized planets have.
“I’d rather stick with Blondie here; she’s made a fun vacation so far.”
They both frowned.
“You two will be meeting with Galactic Federation officials tomorrow morning,” the Chief explained, “They apparently have information that could give you some leads.” He smiled at me. “You’ll get some interesting experience with this. Do you know much about the Corloni criminal syndicate?”
They do pay my bills. “I know of it… that and their rival the Randatti criminal syndicate.” Who most likely has a contract on my head. I could notice a slight cringe from Diane at the mention of “Randatti.” When some organization kills your family in front of you, my understanding is that you don’t get over it quickly.
“Well,” the Chief continued, “we have reliable sources telling us that Corloni has sent a lone assassin to kill Senator Gredler during his upcoming speech.”
At this point, I felt like shooting my way out of the police station just to relieve stress. “Reliable sources?” I queried, quieting my desperation.
The Chief leaned back in his seat. “I can’t discuss that any further.”
Now I imagined pulling out my gun, quickly shooting Diane, and then pounding the Chief’s head into his desk until he told me everything I wanted to know.
I decided to save that option for later.
“Detective Thompson, you have the rest of the day off,” the Chief said, “Make sure to be polite to the Galactic Federation officials tomorrow. I don’t think your reputation has traveled out of this star system.”
Diane got up without a word and left the office. I followed, trying to wrap my mind around things. I had a heavily secured message to kill Senator Gredler. The only way the police could know about the details of the hit was a leak high up in the Corloni organization’s chain. I never dealt with anything like this before, and it was not weighing well on me.
I tried to calm myself before Diane might notice my desperation, but she was too busy looking at a computer screen. I took a seat next to her desk and looked over. It was a report on the firefight at the plaza.
“Westler left cover to help a Corridian child who was standing out in the open,” Diane stated. “He was shot while shielding the girl with his own body. The girl was unharmed.”
My preferred guns would have gone through that sap and the little girl, but that didn’t seem to be Diane’s point. “Sounds like he was a good man,” I stated, putting my hand on her shoulder.
She shut down the computer and then met my eyes. “He was horribly corrupt. Bribes, kickbacks… you name it. But, when the chips were down, he saw a child in harms way and ran out into danger.”
Sounded like something that would make you think… if you weren’t me. People instinctively want to protect children; it’s called the motherly instinct. Even guys have it… just not me. “So, what are you doing now, Diane?”
“I’m going home to relax. Then I’m going to Bible study.”
“You’re a Xian?” That explained some things… and made some other things more confusing.
“I prefer Christian. Do you want to come? It might be interesting for you if you’ve never been to one.”
I literally would rather be shot in the leg again than spend time talking morality with a bunch of strangers who all believe in some religious hokey pokey; sure, being shot would hurt, but I’d get to spend a few more hours watching nature shows while the wound healed. Then again, I still needed Diane to open up to me more… especially now that there seemed to be a traitor in the Corloni organization.
“I’ll give it a try; I just don’t want everyone to try and convert me or nothing.”
She smiled. “I’ll make sure you’re not singled out.”
Great; more human interaction… and about morality and religion, no less. If this psychopath had a lick of sense in him, I’d be keeping my mouth shut for this.
NEXT

“Escape from Northern California”

Among the stories of harrowing escapes from the natural disaster in New Orleans, our friends at the World Tribune have the story of a man who recounts his “Escape from Northern California.”
Check it out.

The end of the Blood Libel

Good news: I’ve been officially cleared of the murder of Jesus Christ! No more blood libel against me for being Jewish! Take that, Arab League and Catholics!
Bad news: The report was based on tests performed by the Houston Police Department Crime Lab.
sigh It’s not like I haven’t gotten used to the public stonings.

I May Be Dead, But I’m Over 24 Years Old
An Editorial Ghostwritten by Army Spc. Casey Sheehan

 Hey, Mom. Things don’t always work out exactly as planned, and I certainly didn’t think I’d have to be dictating a letter through an Ouija board. Originally, I just wanted to do my service in the Army and go on to other things, but we know how that worked out. Anyway, I have a few things to say, but I don’t want you to take them the wrong way. A lot of people have been saying the nastiest things about you, but I know they’re not true.

 First off, I’m sorry. I made you cry – a lot – and I didn’t want that. Now you and Dad have split up, and you can’t tell me that isn’t my fault. Plus, I hear you’re not speaking with a lot of the family because they supported Bush and the war. There has always been political differences in the family, but I know this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t gone off to Iraq and gotten killed. I never meant for all this to happen, and I’m feeling guilty.

 But here’s the thing, I chose to go to Iraq. I re-enlisted in 2004, when all the arguments against the war there are now were already out there. I also volunteered for that mission in which I got killed. I was a grown man, and I made my choices. Maybe they were stupid choices and I got duped into this whole thing – I certainly didn’t mean to die – but they were my decisions and I thought what I was doing was right.

 Now, I know we never saw eye to eye on the war, but you had always supported me. You and Dad even visited me while I was training in California. I really appreciated it; pretty much no other families did that. The thing is, I’d still like some of that support now.

 You know how back when I was a kid you used to spit on napkin and wipe my face in front of my friends and I’d get all embarrassed? Well, this whole “Camp Casey” thing is like that times a million. I know you don’t mean it that way, but you make it sound like I was some dumb kid led by the pied piper to Iraq. I knew exactly what I was doing, though, and I wasn’t a kid. Now, through your camp, my name is associated with all this people I wouldn’t want anything to do with – people I don’t think are your real friends either. Then the media has all these statements from you and everyone is trying to make it sound like you’re some nut when I know you’re just trying your best to do right by me.

 Now that you’re heading away from Crawford and the hurricane has gotten the media attention away from you, maybe it’s time to take a rest. I’m not going to argue politics with you, and, if you want to argue against the war, keep doing so… but maybe more low key. Still, I know you want to blame Bush for me dying, but, to be honest, then you have to blame me some too. It wasn’t just his decisions that put we out there.

 Anyway, I met this Iraqi kid the other day; he was gassed by Saddam. When he found what I was killed doing, he gave me a hug and said, “Thank you.” That’s what I really want. I understand if you’re not up to it now, but, maybe sometime in the future, you could go to my grave and say thanks to me… thanks for trying to do what I thought was right, at least, even if we didn’t agree on it. That’s all.

 I love you, Mom.
Army Spc. Casey Sheehan was killed in Sadr City, Iraq, on Palm Sunday, April 4th, 2004, after volunteering for a rescue mission of fellow soldiers. He was posthumously awarded the Bronze Star for valor.

The answer to looting

The answer to all that looting going on in New Orleans is online storefronts.
I mean, when was the last time you saw a looter put a brick through their own monitor to pull out a stack of shoes and t-shirts?

if frankj is the poor man’s scrappleface . . .

. . . i must be the poor man’s sacred cow burgers
cindys_lament.jpg
this guy has skillz, and, if you haven’t already, you need to sign up for his daily e-mail list. day in and day out he brings the funny. i wonder if he will consider taking me on as an apprentice . . . hmmmmmmm . . .

No IMAudiO this week

IMAO is taking time off this Labor Day weekend, so there will be no IMAudiO on September 5th.
However, we will release a new show on Monday if we are voted #1 at Podcast Alley and sustain the #1 slot for a 24 hour period before midnight September 5, 2005.
We need your votes! Voting is quick, free, and doesn’t require registration or personal information.
When we are voted #1 on Podcast Alley, we will reward our fans with a new IMAudiO production on Monday.
Go vote now!