Sorry, but the next part to Superego will have to wait until tomorrow morning. Some things came up, and I couldn’t rush this part because it’s important to the story (and, with how I’m doing it, the first draft is the final draft).
See you tomorrow, sportsfans.
Archive of entries posted on 13th September 2005
Carnival Reminder
Hey there fellow Rastafarians! The Carnival of Comedy is coming up this Thursday, Sept 15th! No, really, it is. I’m not kidding. It will be at Either, Orr.
Submissions:
If you have a joke that your grandmother or uncle forwarded to you, all your cousins and your dad’s bowling team? Do you have anything, remotely humerous. Can you scrape the friggin’ barrel for us? Yes? There’s still lots of time to break our ribs with crushing rounds of laughter!
Full Carnival Schedule
Week 20 – Sep. 15 – Either, Orr
Week 21 – Sep. 22 – basil’s blog
Week 22 – Sep. 29 – Steve the Pirate
Week 23 – Oct. 06 – Don Surber
Want to host?
Want to spend hours working on a project that will ultiimately have you cursing my name and several generations of my ancestors? Sure you do!
Send your incoherant rambling feeble pleas regarding hosting the Carnival of Comedy to flyingspacemonkey-at-gmail-dot-com. (substitute the appropriate nonsense, y’know the ‘at’ and the ‘dot’) Subject: Carnival of Comedy Hosting
Still have questions?
Info about joining the Carnival of Comedy is here And its sealed in a pneumatic chamber free from updates that would tarnish its pearly gleam.
In My World: Enough with the Questions
“Have we instructed the rescuers to not help black people?” President Bush asked an aide, “I don’t want black people helped while I’m president. This administration hates black people.” He saw Condoleezza Rice enter the room. “Condi! I need you to investigate my administration and root out any black people who may be hiding in it.”
“Were you listening to left-wing nuts and got confused about your actual positions on issues again?” Condi asked accusingly.
Bush looked down at his feet. “Maybe.”
“Well, quit it. Now leave disaster relief to… uh… whoever’s job that is. You need to focus on Robert’s confirmation hearing.”
In the Senate chambers, the Democrats were throwing questions to John Roberts at a rapid pace.
“How many years back do you want to turn the clock on civil rights?”
“There’s always this talk about women’s abortion rights; what about men’s abortion rights?”
“How will you use the Court to stop hurricanes?”
“Why do you hate black people?”
“Where’s my drink? I ordered it 20 minutes ago!” Ted Kennedy finally said.
“These are all very idiotic questions,” Roberts answered, “and I’ll need time to properly dismiss each one.”
“Bush to the rescue!” Bush shouted out as he entered the room.
“Actually, I think I’m handling this…”
“Think nothing of it,” Bush told Roberts. He turned to the Senators. “Now, I want you to know that John Roberts is a great guy. There’s no reason to hit him with questions about affirmative action, abortion, and white supremacy. Instead, you should look at his character and confirm him now for… uh…” Bush looked to Roberts. “What did I nominate you for again?”
“Chief Justice.”
“What? You?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure it’s not clerk for the Chief Justice?”
“No, the Chief Justice.”
Bush shook his head. “When did I make that decision? I must have fell off the wagon.” He looked to the Senators. “So, he’ll make a great Chief Justice… or, at least, a very boring and uninteresting one. So, go ahead and confirm.” Bush then walked forward and punched Senator Biden in the face. “That’s for interrupting me!”
“I didn’t interrupt you!”
“Yeah, but you looked like you wanted to!” Bush yelled and held up his fist. “I’m just laying down the law.” He then turned to Kennedy. “Do you know you’re not wearing pants?”
“Yes, and I don’t care.”
“Eww, Senators,” Bush uttered and shivered as he left the room.
“So, anymore questions?” Roberts asked.
“This is getting boring,” Senator Specter said, “Anyone want to head to the Mall and play frisbee?”
“Will there be booze?” Kennedy asked.
Roberts picked up a cooler and placed it on his table. “I brought some cold beers for just such an occasion.”
“I’ve changed my mind about Roberts,” Kennedy declared, “He seems like a great guy. Let’s confirm him and go play frisbee and drink beers!”
Lots of cheers of agreement echoed throughout the Senate chambers.
“Soon I’ll be Chief Justice,” Roberts muttered to himself, “and then I’ll use my powers for the cause of darkness and evil to the glee of my dark lord… and none shall stop me.”
“Did you say something?” Kennedy asked.
“No.”
Where’s Ducky?
Hi Gang,
Brief update. Life has been busy with lots of interesting challenges.
1. No baby yet. On Friday, we thought it was The Time, when suddenly all of her contractions stopped. This was good since we had a surprise baby shower on Saturday and it was 1 am and didn’t feel like staying up even later.
2. Computer at home is broken. I was going to have a fundraiser at my site, then realized that Katrina charities could probably use the money even more. Besides, it wouldn’t kill me to spend more time with my family. Weird, my computer had more viruses than a MoveOn rally. So, very little writing can get done since…
3. Employer has cracked down on internet usage. Everything is now monitored.
Combine that with the fact that this is the busiest time of year at work (this is the equivalent of our Christmas Season) and you have for very little RWD enjoyment.
I’ll be back full time the week before Halloween.
In the meantime – amuse yourselves with this ball of string.
RWD
Faxes? We don’t need no stinkin’ faxes!
Faxes for Republican Talking Points? Feh. The World Zionist Conspiracy converted to email years ago. Made it much easier to understand my marching orders since they gave up the cheap numeric crap, and nobody likes that cheap crinkly paper faxes use.
I’m so glad we’ve gone alpha in our campaign to take over the world, because getting a bunch of numbers and having to look them up in a codebook every five minutes was a total pain in the tuchus.
Here’s a few I used to get every now and then:
007 = new woody allen movie coming out.
108 = send check to charles johnson.
222 = carnegie deli is empty.
376 = update zoning laws to block mosque.
455 = seinfeld is a rerun.
768 = keep blacks from voting.
820 = free ham. resist temptation.
911 = don’t go into work. watch the news.
Now we get everything in plain English. Often mistranslated from Hebrew. By Indians in outsourced firms.
What the heck does “Floor ride water low” mean, anyway? Am I supposed to check on the mind-control agents we add into the local supply under the guise of fluoridation? Or is this some sort of new carnival ride I’m supposed to sell to roaming carnivals that will end up killing a bunch of evangelical rednecks?
(If you’re also a member of the WZC, feel free to post the codes that our masters were sending you in the comments.)
HuffPo Fun!
First Gutfeld was a featured blog post on the Huffington Post, now even Arianna mentions his post as one to read. She also mentions David Rees’s response to Gutfeld most recent post (you’ll have to have read this one first to get all the jokes in Rees’s), and I cringed in preparation for liberal’s attempt tit for tat humor – but it ended up being pretty good (in a few parts, ideology trumps humor, but the same could be said for Gutfeld’s). Funny enough, the concerts each one mentions were the two concerts Sarah and I went to this year (guess which one I liked more). At neither was I beaten up by a group of pissed-off Cubans.