Excuse me a moment…
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
A turn for the worse.
My baby-snatcher must have lied about these babies. I bet they’d Kurds.
Archive of entries posted on 21st September 2005
MEOW
One of my readers pointed out this Hurricane presentation that refers to the Maximum Envelope of Water, or MEOW.
Hurricanes are a feline conspiracy!
Fun Trivia
A Story, Bit-by-Bit
Superego: Part 34 – The Id and the Ego
BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 33)
For situations like this, I kinda wished I smoked so I could light a cigarette to look extra casual when a gun is on me. I don’t smoke, though; even with the regulations that make cigarettes full of nutrients and causes to them to clean and strengthen your lungs, I just never bought on to the idea of setting something on fire and putting it in my mouth.
I looked past the gun pointed at me to see a tear running down Diane’s face. I really hoped this wasn’t going to be some dumb emotional woman thing; still, maybe there was a chance she’d pull the trigger. If she did, it was me or her – and guess who I’d choose.
“You almost got me killed,” Diane spat at me, “you made me kill people, you got me aiding a massacre, and now I am a member of the crime family that killed my parents, but what upsets me most is I actually started to trust you. I’m not a naive person, I guess I just…” She seemed to have gotten stuck on how to finish that sentence.
“This may not be the best place to discuss this,” I suggested.
“I want answers now!” she shouted, her gun keeping a solid lock on my face.
“Well, for starters, about everything I told the Senator was true. Also…”
“I have received a message for you,” Dip said in my ear.
“Can it wait?” I answered back, “Diane is demanding my attention now.”
“Does she have a gun on you?” He had predicted that would happen.
“Dip, I’ll talk to you later.” I looked to Diane, trying to meet her eyes past the gun she had on me. “Anyway, I would expect Morrigan to be gone when we get back to HQ. The way I set things up, it will look like she disappeared because of embarrassment. Now the plan is…”
“I’m not taking you back to police headquarters.”
“Fine. Why don’t we get a bite to eat and continue this discussion?”
“I’m not hungry.”
I looked down trying to think and noticed the burnt mark on my side. It looked like the bolt that grazed me only damaged my jacket. “You could help me shop for a new jacket.”
“Are you trying to be funny, Rico?” Her face was stern again. No more tears.
“I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m not actually very good with people,” I said with a weak smile, “I don’t think you want to kill me, though, and you probably figured I don’t want to kill you or I would have done so already.”
Diane put away her gun. “Get in the car, Rico.”
I got in the passenger side and she took it into the air. She put it onto autopilot and I figured we were probably just flying a circle over the city. We were both quiet for a while; I wasn’t sure where to start explaining things, and she probably wasn’t sure what questions to ask first.
“Maybe I should start by explaining a fundamental fact about me,” I suggested.
“I’m not sure if I’ll care, but go ahead.”
She was angry. Frightened, but much more angry. I wasn’t sure how to deal with that; like most things now, it was far beyond me. “Like I said, I’m not so good with people. That’s because of a handicap I have.”
“A handicap?” Diane said incredulously.
“Well… uh… have you ever heard of Sigmund Freud… a psychologist from way way back on our homeworld?”
“No.”
“Anyway, he had a lot of theories on human behavior – some of them kinda ignored now – but I liked the way he characterized the human psyche which I think applies well to other sentients. He divided it into three parts: the id, the ego, and the superego.
“The id is someone’s base desires – like hunger, anger, the sex drive, etc. When you start out as a baby, all you have is your id. If you’re hungry and see someone with a sandwich, the id would be a desire to just grab the sandwich and eat it.
“The ego is basically the human consciousness and how you interact with the world. It restrains the id by understanding how the world works and develops quickly as a human grows and learns. The ego would say you couldn’t just take a sandwich and eat it because it’s someone else’s and he would get angry.
“The superego is your morality and the last part of the psyche to develop. It would tell you not to take someone’s sandwich because that is wrong… or, if you did steal someone sandwich, it’s what would make you feel guilty afterwards.
“So, what my deal is that I have a very diminished id, but I completely lack a superego. What allows me to interact somewhat with normal society is I’m quite intelligent and have developed a very advanced ego to compensate for my lack of understanding of moral codes that come natural to others.”
I was silent a moment to let that all sink in. She looked at me with no discernable emotion on her face. I probably showed no emotion either. I had no idea which one was appropriate for this occasion anyway.
She then started laughing hysterically.
NEXT
Rita moves
Hurricane Rita has now bent its projected path to hit Matagorda, which would put my city of Houston in what would be Category 1-force winds at worst.
Normally, Jews are only capable of controling the weather to the point of keeping it from raining when we’ve paid twenty bucks for a car wash and detail. However, in large numbers, we’ve been known to stop larger weather phenomena.
carnival of comedy reminder
basil is hosting the carnival of comedy this week on his blog, basil’s blog. i’m not sure how he came up with the name, though. he doesn’t capitalize his name so i am not using any capltals in this reminder post.
boise, idaho! i couldn’t go without at least one. that’s the only one I’ll use.
of course sarahk and cadet happy don’t use them much either but i digress.
come on folks, submit some good funny for basil this week. don’t get “stuck on stupid”
upcoming carnival schedule
Week 21 – Sep. 22 – basil’s blog
Week 22 – Sep. 29 – steve the pirate
Week 23 – Oct. 06 – don surber
info about joining the carnival is here
lethal injection!
Let’s Talk About Videogames
I like videogames. I’ve been a Nintendo loyalist since I got the NES deluxe system with the lightgun and robot when I was a kid. I’ve even stuck with GameCube and been happy as Nintendo taken number three in the home system race. Still, for the next generation, I am planning to get either the XBox 360 or Playstation 3 (I used to say, “I’m done with videogames,” for each new generation – I did it for Super Nintendo, N64, and the GameCube before buying each – but I’m old enough not to pretend anymore). Nintendo has made huge marketing errors lately, and I was pretty sure about all third party support would abandon them in this next generation. As Microsoft and Sony were hyping their systems, Nintendo just showed what the new console would look like, had no demo software, and refused to show off their super-secret controller.
And I was like, “Whatever. I don’t even care about you guys anymore.”
Now the controller has been revealed. And, my reaction seemed to follow a lot of people.
“It looks like a remote control; what morons made this?”
“…though it is kinda interesting.”
“…and could possibly completely change the way we play videogames!”
While the new systems from Sony and Microsoft are just more of the same (yay, more polygons), Nintendo actually seems to have something innovative. Being that the system – whenever it comes out – should be much cheaper than the other two, maybe Nintendo still has a chance. And the controller might just be intuitive enough that SarahK could play a first person shooter without her character spending half its time bumping into walls while staring at its feet.
That would be something.
So, what do you videogame players think? I’m still going to have SarahK add the XBox 360 to our wedding registry just in case.
The Top Ten Demands of the North Koreans in Exchange for Dismantling their Nuclear Weapons Program
It seemed that North Korea was going to dismantle their nuclear weapons program, but it ended up they wanted nuclear reactors in exchange (what’s a country with no food going to do with all that electricity?). They had ten other demands – ranked as it was – and are as follows:
THE TOP TEN DEMANDS OF THE NORTH KOREANS IN EXCHANGE FOR DISMANTLING THEIR NUCLEAR WEAPONS PROGRAM
10. A respectable publisher for their dictator’s rap album Kim Jong Il’n.
9. A chicken with a pulley in the middle for some reason.
8. The dog from Fraiser… in a nice butter sauce.
7. A little black purse that goes with everything.
6. A promise we won’t invade them.
5. The names of good contractors for spider holes if we break the previous promise.
4. More staring roles for Koreans in network sitcoms.
3. A hug.
2. An XBox 360.
And the number one demand of the North Koreans in exchange for dismantling their nuclear weapons program…
bush lies, mars fries . . .
if i have learned anything from “school bus” ray naggin in the last few weeks, it is that a man has to stand up and admit when he is wrong. to date, i had dismissed the global warming fanatics as clueless self-interested idealogues, pushing an agenda that has no scientific basis. however, i was shocked to learn today that mars is experiencing global warming as well! something must be done! not only have we screwed up our planet, we are now scewing up or interplanetary neighbors. therefore, i call on president bush to immediately sign into law the kyoto treaty and cut greenhouse emissions in the u.s. by 75% in the next 5 years. i am also calling on the volcanoes of the world to agree to a 25 year moratorium on eruptions. i think if we all work together we can save mars!
Hunger Strike! The Untold Story
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
Dozens of terrorist scumbags inmates at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Facility have gone on a hunger strike in an attempt to draw attention to the fact that they’re not getting the due process that they’re not entitled to because they’re not US citizens.
Wait… that doesn’t make any sense.
There must be some other reason for the hunger strikes, about which I speculate thusly:
Think that a gaunt, haggard appearance will make them look sexy – like supermodels!
Really pissed off about being served kosher pickles.
We won’t even talk about the matzoh balls.
Trying to trick the guards into force-feeding them to satisfy their nasal-tube fetish.
A publicity stunt to get Cindy Sheehan to stop by.
Brad… Jennifer… sob… who can eat?
Can’t properly flush a Koran using the low-flow toilets in their cells.
They’re deathly afraid of hamburgers after having seen “Supersize Me“.
After a 30-day interrogation session featuring Beatles music & Dr. Seuss books, they refuse to eat anything except green eggs and walrus.
Not taking a bite until Season 2 of Firefly goes into production.
I might join them for that one.
I suppose I should be concerned about this tragic development, but somehow I just can’t find it in my heart to care.
I’m too broken up about Brad & Jennifer.
Always Two There Are
Ever noticed how the Emperor and The Donald seem to be cut from the same cloth?
You are not alone. More below the fold.
IMAudiO Update
Where’s the new IMAudiO?
Good question. We’re working on it, but a number of personal issues have come up with a lot of the cast so this one is slow coming. Also, SarahK is going to take over some producing (though we hope Scott can still find time to put the overall effort together since he has the skillz) since she has the spare time. We’re also trying to come up with a business plan (knowing money is on the line will keep us working more consistently).
BTW, as part of her spare time, SarahK borrowed my SUV to go to Orlando since mine has the better gas mileage out of the two SUVs we own. Aren’t we going to make a great American family? Heavily armed, both with concealed weapons, two SUVs, and hopefully a big dog to replace those stupid cats. Add in a gaggle of kids educated with morality, and we will rule this nation!