With the arrest of Cindy Sheehan, the roundup of all those who dissent against Bush and the war in Iraq has begun. No one who protest the Bush regime is safe – that is, if he or she is sitting in front of the White House.

 But, mark my words, it won’t end there. See, there is this little thing called the “snowball effect.” When a snowball is pushed down a snowy hill, it will collect more and more snow and increase in size, turning a little snowball into a snowboulder. Of course, this varies with snow conditions (if the snow as an ice glaze on top, this won’t work). Also, a certain amount of momentum is needed with the snowball (too little, it won’t break the static friction variable; too much, and it will coast over the top of the snow). But, if the conditions are right, you’ll have a huge snowboulder once the snowball reaches the bottom of the hill.

 Oh, I guess that means the size of the hill is another variable. The taller the hill, the bigger the snowball (again, if previous conditions for snowball growth are met).

 I’m not sure how all of that fits into the metaphor, but at the top of the hill we have the arrest of Cindy Sheehan, and, at the bottom of the hill, we have a snowboulder so large it encompasses the arrest of all dissenters of Bush and the war (again, if snow conditions were appropriate and the correct momentum was given to the snowball and the hill is tall enough). First, we have dissenters sitting in front of the White House being arrested. Next, it’s dissenters sitting across the street from the White House. After that, it’s dissenters sitting at the Washington Monument who will be arrested (or maybe dissenters sitting at the Lincoln Memorial or the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History; it’s been a while since I’ve been to D.C. and I forget the geography). Then it will be dissenters sitting in their own homes in the D.C. area being arrested, and it will continue to spread from there until, lastly, dissenting, sitting Eskimos are arrested (Hawaii might technically be father away than Alaska, but I’d expect Bush’s storm troopers to go there first since it’s much nicer there; I mean, you’d have to have drawn the short straw to be sent to the frigid north to round up the reclined whale spearing protesters).

 At this current rate, we can expect all who are against Bush and the war to be imprisoned by the year 12,647AD – a time when people should be worrying much more about the talking monkey cyborgs than being arrested for saying something bad about Bush or the war in Iraq while sitting.

 Or, I could have the snowball trajectory all wrong, and it will be all those who have had relatives die in Iraq who will be arrested. It doesn’t seem that likely or probable, but it has to be considered. Much observation of the snowball will be needed to determine this for sure. Just don’t sit down, as I think that figures into the arrest equation.

 Anyway, we need to stop this snowball. So how do you stop a snowball? I guess you could salt the hills. Alternatively, you could pour water on them which would freeze everything to ice and not allow snow collection if a snowball rolled down it. You could also shoot the snowball with a shotgun before it gets to big. Now, taking those metaphorical ways to stop metaphorical snowballs and translating them to real life, I’m not sure what we get. It’s possible the metaphorical shotgun becomes a real shotgun. Anyway, someone else needs to figure that out ’cause I’m kinda weary of this snowball stuff now.

 But don’t lost sight of my main message here: there is snow, there are balls, there are arrests, and that all possibly means we should worry. Do you understand? If so, please explain this to me, because I’m now a little confused.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is a frequent contributor to IMAOPodcast.com. He is also the author of such books as “Advanced Snowball Physics Theory” and “Capital Crimes: The Case Against Giving Cybernetic Enhancements to Monkeys”.