“Have we instructed the rescuers to not help black people?” President Bush asked an aide, “I don’t want black people helped while I’m president. This administration hates black people.” He saw Condoleezza Rice enter the room. “Condi! I need you to investigate my administration and root out any black people who may be hiding in it.”
“Were you listening to left-wing nuts and got confused about your actual positions on issues again?” Condi asked accusingly.
Bush looked down at his feet. “Maybe.”
“Well, quit it. Now leave disaster relief to… uh… whoever’s job that is. You need to focus on Robert’s confirmation hearing.”

In the Senate chambers, the Democrats were throwing questions to John Roberts at a rapid pace.
“How many years back do you want to turn the clock on civil rights?”
“There’s always this talk about women’s abortion rights; what about men’s abortion rights?”
“How will you use the Court to stop hurricanes?”
“Why do you hate black people?”
“Where’s my drink? I ordered it 20 minutes ago!” Ted Kennedy finally said.
“These are all very idiotic questions,” Roberts answered, “and I’ll need time to properly dismiss each one.”
“Bush to the rescue!” Bush shouted out as he entered the room.
“Actually, I think I’m handling this…”
“Think nothing of it,” Bush told Roberts. He turned to the Senators. “Now, I want you to know that John Roberts is a great guy. There’s no reason to hit him with questions about affirmative action, abortion, and white supremacy. Instead, you should look at his character and confirm him now for… uh…” Bush looked to Roberts. “What did I nominate you for again?”
“Chief Justice.”
“What? You?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure it’s not clerk for the Chief Justice?”
“No, the Chief Justice.”
Bush shook his head. “When did I make that decision? I must have fell off the wagon.” He looked to the Senators. “So, he’ll make a great Chief Justice… or, at least, a very boring and uninteresting one. So, go ahead and confirm.” Bush then walked forward and punched Senator Biden in the face. “That’s for interrupting me!”
“I didn’t interrupt you!”
“Yeah, but you looked like you wanted to!” Bush yelled and held up his fist. “I’m just laying down the law.” He then turned to Kennedy. “Do you know you’re not wearing pants?”
“Yes, and I don’t care.”
“Eww, Senators,” Bush uttered and shivered as he left the room.
“So, anymore questions?” Roberts asked.
“This is getting boring,” Senator Specter said, “Anyone want to head to the Mall and play frisbee?”
“Will there be booze?” Kennedy asked.
Roberts picked up a cooler and placed it on his table. “I brought some cold beers for just such an occasion.”
“I’ve changed my mind about Roberts,” Kennedy declared, “He seems like a great guy. Let’s confirm him and go play frisbee and drink beers!”
Lots of cheers of agreement echoed throughout the Senate chambers.
“Soon I’ll be Chief Justice,” Roberts muttered to himself, “and then I’ll use my powers for the cause of darkness and evil to the glee of my dark lord… and none shall stop me.”
“Did you say something?” Kennedy asked.
“No.”