Right-wing bloggers are always being accused of just parroting Republican talking points and being plants of Karl Rove. This bring up lots of questions about how do we get those talking points and how does someone become a Karl Rove plant. To help, I’ve come up with this helpful FAQ to answer the questions I know the answers to.
REPUBLICAN TALKING POINTS FAQ
Q. Does IMAO receive Republican talking points?
A. Well, I, Frank J., receive a fax at 6AM every day (including weekends) of the Republican Talking Points. I don’t share it with the other IMAO bloggers, and instead just browbeat them into saying what I want.
Q. Are these the same talking points all other Republican shills receive?
A. No, I get ones specifically tailored for bloggers. I assume politicians, pundits, radio talk show hosts, and FOX News get different talking points.
Q. Why are they sent by fax?
A. Apparently, Rove never caught up with 21st century technology – such as secure e-mail. He likes to personally sign the main copies as a sort of verification (see the picture of a talking point memo posted below). I’d explain digital signatures and what not to Rove, but I’m scared of him. At least they seemed to be composed on a word processor (or some ridiculously advanced typewriter from the seventies– whoops, that swipe was talking points from a year ago).
Q. How many other right-wing blogs out there receive talking points?
A. I wouldn’t know the exact number, but, obviously, most of them do.
Q. How does a blogger get to receive talking points?
A. Most blogs were created at the behest of Rove and started out with talking points. I had gained interest from my work as a Republican in college as offered a large sum of money to start a blog to pretend that conservatives are capable of humor (we really aren’t). It is possible to start a blog and then be approached by Rove or his henchman, but he seems to like more control over blogs than that.
Q. Do you share the money Rove pays you with the other IMAO bloggers?
A. This is “Frequently Asked Questions” not “Showtime at the Apollo,” so enough with he jokes.
Q. What happens if you deviate too much from the talking points?
A. A certain amount of deviation is expected to make it seem like we’re each our own individuals (e.g., hating monkeys is not on the talking points). But the power of the blogosphere is that we Republican shills all act in unison on some issue, so, if one blogger wanders too far off the reservation, then he or she will simply stop receiving the talking points. This will leave the person pointless and having to make things up like Drudge.
Q. Are there Republican talking points for podcasters?
A. Not yet. The IMAO podcast was originally Scott’s idea (I only come up with ideas given to me by Rove). You’ll notice how IMAudiO has less political content than the blog due to the lack of talking points. I am hopeful there will be talking points for podcasts soon (and more money for being that bigger a shill).
Q. Can I see a talking points memo?
A. Sure, here is a recent one, but please don’t tell Rove:
Hope that answered all your questions on Republican talking points. If not, then I blame the incompetence of Mayor Ray Nagin (wink wink).
ROFL, nice post on Washingtonmonthly.com.
http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/archives/individual/2005_09/007106.php#701023
Craig,
I thought the liberals would enjoy this one too.
Of course, you’re bound to get more emails saying “You’re not funny. Why aren’t conservatives funny?”
I thought your response to that was so on point and factual as to be funny. “You don’t think we’re funny because we’re making fun of you. And generally, people don’t like to be made fun of!”
Frank J has been diagnosed with “narcissistic personality disorder”. Damn is that right on or not?
Posted by: WhoSays on September 12, 2005 at 11:58 AM |
http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/archives/individual/2005_09/007106.php#701053
Oh, wow. That signature is the kicker.
I love Darth Rove!
Hmmm, those talking points are VERY similar to the talking points us lowly blog commenters receive. Fascinating. Note, though, that we didn’t get those talking points on sounding sincere; ours said that we could be as shrill as we wanted to be.
Ugh! You need to warn people when you post links to leftist sewers like that Washington Monthly. It’s going to take me weeks to get the smell out of my keyboard.
“DO NOT MENTION THE WEATHER MACHINE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES”
lol – best part
The satellite images of flooded school buses must be from Darth Rove’s double secret Photoshop dungeon.
Wow. Devastating. The end of progressivism and the breakup of the Democratic Party must be mere moments away in the face of your rapier-like wit. ZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ
You get talking points? Hell, I keep getting emails from John Kerry.
Have you seen Rove’s “Democrat Talking Points” yet?
(1) Explain the link between hurricanes and the Kyoto protocol. Remember, most Americans aren’t as smart as you so you’ll need to put it in simple terms like, “Bush controls the weather.”
(2) Emphasize how Democrats are keeping Americans safe from looting by taking away their guns, while Republicans stood by and allowed the looting to continue unabated. (Note: if you are against private property, you may want to emphasize rape and murder rather than theft.)
(3) If people speak positively about the federal military response, put it in proper perspective by noting that General Honore chews cigars and smokes. (Do not under any circumstances mention his race. Race is not a factor among rescuers, only victims.) Cigars! What kind of example are we providing for innocent children?
The weather machine! I love it. I was in a bar the other day and someone told me that Katrina was controlled by Bush to destroy the oil rigs down there to up the price of oil. Bush hating has unhinged some people. When I told him that was crazy, he told me that I was naive.
Scott Bush did cause the Hurricane, but not because of Kyoto. It seems he was desperate to get the attention away from Iraq. He, unlike Clinton , probably was ashamed of his slide in the polls.
These will be tommorrows DNC talking points!
Now, now. Karl Rove must be more sophisticated than you let on. The font he used looks awfully like Computer Modern Roman; only smart and sophisticated people use TeX.
We are through the looking glass here people. Reverse Vampires Waaaaaaaa!!!!!
DAMN!
Frank! Why didn’t you tell me to keep quiet about the eather-way achine-may before I posted that “thing” last week?:
http://www.imao.us/archives/003863.html
wonderful!
HuffingandPuffingtonPost reports that Rove used the W.M. to create Katrina to take the “heat” off the Plame/ Libby/ Novak/ Miller/ Everybody investigation, which was just about to FINALLY result in the end of the evil Bushitler Reich. Is there no end to this man’s deviltry? How many must die so that Rove may continue his reign of evil?
Kudos to you for perpetuating the political divisivness that has paralyzed any chance of salvaging what remains of American Politics. Your use of satire and ridicule brilliantly obscures most Republican’s inability to explain the gaping hypocrosy of supporting an administration that touts itself as Conservitive, while presiding over the largest expansion of Federal Government in recent history (something that so-called ‘Liberal’ policiticians are ofted chided for..). Nice.
But in all seriousness, why fight absurdity with more absurdity??
I suggest that the next time you meet a tree-hugging liberal who claims that ‘Bush caused the Hurricane’, perhaps you can remind them that DARPA, and not the Executive Branch controls HAARP. But i’m sure you already knew that.. 😉
Remember kids, it’s not LEFT vs. RIGHT, its THE STATE vs. YOU.
The fax I received on 08-25-05 mentioned something about “ridding New Orleans of it Democratic base” and “stealing keys from school buses”, can somebody please clarify? My fax machine is defective and the copy was distorted.
(W)eather (M)achine (D)iviculator
WMD not found in Iraq
“The fax I received on 08-25-05 mentioned something about “ridding New Orleans of it Democratic base” and “stealing keys from school buses”, can somebody please clarify?”
Yes, those buses were going to be used to take N.O. democrat voters to the polls on the day after election day.
Hope that helps clarify the point.