John Roberts has been nominated for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, but most people don’t know what’s different about the Chief Justice from the other Justices. The differences, luckily, are ten in number and ranked thusly:
TOP TEN DIFFERENCES OF THE CHIEF JUSTICE FROM REGULAR JUSTICES
10. Gets permanent 10% discount at participating Target stores.
9. Flowing Chief Justice robes allows for him to glide for short distances.
8. Has the power to dictate what Wednesday’s special is at the Supreme Court cafeteria (must be chosen from a list of available entrees).
7. Given magical amulet to ward off mummies, making sure there is always at least one Justice in case of nationwide mummy attacks.
6. If he wants to, he can wear a hat (so far, no one has wanted to).
5. Must be able to accurately chuck a gavel at and strike a man-sized target at fifty paces.
4. Subjected to gamma rays to give him superpowers and/or cancer.
3. While expected to be stoic during Supreme Court hearings during the day, is also expected to extract vigilante justice at night.
2. Only Justice who can put a halt to proceedings because he needs to pee.
And the number one difference of the Chief Justice from regular Justices is…
Has to have actually read the Constitution.
You forgot the complementary Underdog super energy pill he gets…
Doesn’t he get spiderman underwear, or is that a result of the discount at target?
When under attack by Congress and forced to combine into Super Mega Justice, the Chief Justice forms the head.
So all that stuff about having managerial responsibility is just more right wing spin huh?
//3. While expected to be stoic during Supreme Court hearings during the day, is also expected to extract vigilante justice at night//
VIGILANTE JUSTICE!?!?! I wanna be a Supreme Court Justice!!!
TEEEEEJ
#4 explains how we lost the last one, then.
Is the only justice permitted to wear “Heelys” under his robes to facilitate the gliding permitted under item 9, above.
Has to have actually read the Constitution.
I take it that you’re too young to remember Earl “But is it fair?” Warren.