Apparently, there’s a slump in board game sales because of the rise of online computer games and the need for quicker gameplay.
You know, we here at IMAO were working on an IMAO version of that Clue game. One evening, we get a little out of hand beating up Spacemonkey, and one of us does him in, and then we wander from room to room with various deadly implements trying to make it look like an accident.
Never did manage to finish the phototype. Harvey kept eating the dice.

Thank heavens it is FINALLY over! Bring on Deal or No Deal, The Apprentice, The Office and My Name Is Earl!

The closing ceremony went well until a giant robot from space showed up and began enslaving the medalists.

An unidentified IMAO supporter (an i-maoist?) shows his favorite website some love at the bronze medal curling match between the U.S. and Great Britain at the Torino 2006 Winter Olympic Games.

original

One of the creepy things about running a dead pool is that I don’t need to read the headlines or watch the news to know that a famous person has died. I just check my stats, slog through the hundreds of hits in an hour for that celebrity’s name and the word “dead” with it in a Google search, and I know that there’s one more face to be added to the Emmys or Oscars morgue’s gallery.
What’s even creepier is when people slam the site with a celebrity’s name and the word “dead” but the celebrity isn’t dead. Horatio Sanz is the most common subject of furious and fast Google searches when someone passes around a new rumor about him.
Anyway, I thought I’d share that bit of information before asking:
What was your favorite Don Knotts movie?

Since we are having a lot of enlightened comment from the left, I would lke to offer this comment thread as a means for you who so desire to offer your advice on how killing babies is a GOOD thing, under the right circumstances.
Put us in our place. Shut us up. Tell us where to go. Perhaps you think we may not realize how dumb we are, this is your golden chance to let us know! All the things that advance your side’s arguement. Don’t blow it!
By blowing it I mean forgetting to do it with love or forgetting to speak from your happy place.
Listen to me, you fail to speak with love from your happy place, then sadly, you’re just going to push us further away from the path of love and enlightenment that you have found. And in the end you’ll just look like the hate-filled moron we’re sure you probably think you aren’t.
We are listening. Spew, I mean speak.

It’a a new IMAO T-Shirt, IMAO’s Top 10 U.S. Military Slogans, and it’s in a new color from all the other shirts we’ve had. Go check it out and pre-order because our pets need food. We heard a dog can go a month without eating, but we’d like to feed Rowdi more often than that.

BUY NOW!!!

Well, it looks like South Dakota is about to put the brakes on abortions. This means any of y’all planning on the “Get scraped and head to Mouth Rushmore for the weekend” package deal might want to adjust your itinerary.
May I suggest “Pick up some RU-486 and camp out in Yellowstone” as an alternative? There’s nothing like the soothing regularity of watching Old Faithful go off while you wait for your uterus to recover from the aspiration procedure.
Just make sure you don’t fall for the “Explore Big Bend and then let a Mexican in a trailer wirehanger your fetus” offer going around. There are some issues with regards to the cleanliness of the instruments as well as difficulty in crossing back and forth over the border.
Remember… if you’re going to kill your baby with an unnatural medical procedure, might as well make up for it while backpacking in the great outdoors and cherishing the natural legacy of this country.

Dr. Duck has answers from Wednesday’s questions. Obviously these are questions that burn your soul.
What would you guys do without me: except lead productive lives.
Here are the questions and answers.
**
Dr Duck,
What is the point of being FIRST in all IMAO posts? I don’t understand the phenomenon at all.
Posted by NMUSpidey at February 22, 2006 04:23 PM
A history lesson: A long time ago, Frank J would keep to a vigorous writing schedule called “I’ll post when I feel like it.” His fans, upon seeing his writing would compete to be the first person to make a comment. This is kind of silly. I mean — would you see this sort of thing anywhere else. ?

President Bush. And that concludes my speech. Any questions?
Helen Thomas: FIRST!!!
President: What is your question?
Helen: Nothing. I’m FIRST! I raised my hand FIRST!
President: Do you have a question.
Helen: No, I just think you should stop killing sweet innocent Iraqi babies.

Why do trolls bother with us? We know how lame we are already, why do they waste their breath?
Posted by spacemonkey
I’ve never understood why people feel they can insult us. We write to entertain ourselves. Most of us don’t take ourselves too seriously, except for Frank who walks around yelling, “Worship me!”. Come to think of it — that’s just not right.
**
How do I keep the stupid cats from being scared of my new dog Rowdi?
Posted by Frank J.
Dogs have a strong sense of smell. It’s very important that your cats smell like something a dog likes. Try covering them in ketchup.
**
Dr. Duck, How retarded does someone have to be to think humans are causing global warming? And just what is wrong with global warming anyway? Might help Denver get to host the Super Bowl one day.
Posted by PaleoMedic
Personally, I’m hoping for more global warming. If it floods, I have property in Arizona that would become beachfront land! I’ll call it Otisberg — or Duckyland. I’m not sure. It’s a good plan. Actually — it’s super.
**
Dr. Duck,
Would it be morally or legally wrong to spray Rowdi with catnip and the cats with rabbit scent for entertainment purposes? If, it is, would it be okay to do just the catnip part?
Posted by MDL
One word: Ketchup.
**
Dear recent convert to the Religion of Peace (TM), will those 72 virgins be wearing burkhas, because if they are, that will be no fun at all.
Posted by motopolitico
Technically speaking, we’re not even sure if the virgins are female. But I’m hoping. I keep thinking it’s some sort of evil trick: Like I’ll kill Laurence Simon and when I get to Allahworld (or whatever it’s called) I’ll get virgins, but then they want me to meet their parents, get a job, bathe. Stuff like that.
**
On a island there is a man who is a barber; this barber shaves all and only those men in the village who do not shave themselves. Question: Does the barber shave himself?
Posted by Dr. Phat Tony
Oh wait. I saw this in a movie. The barber is a kid right? But he doesn’t know he’s dead? And then Bruce Willis kills him again.
Note to self: See more movies. And get a haircut.
**
Dr. Duck,
I’m watching Jean-Luc Godard’s weirdas hell classic, “Alphaville.” How can I use this information to get chicks?
Belloq
Dr. Duck,
Please disregard my earlier question on Alphaville. I now know I’m a total nerd and will never get chicks other than by mail.
My replacement question is: what is the difference between libertarians and Neo-cons?
Belloq
Grasshopper: I believe you have just made that transition.
**
< Continue reading ‘The Answers’ »

Since I’m a very important person, I get sent free stuff in the mail (I even have a PO Box now which I call my “Free Stuff Because I’m Important Box”). More often than not, I don’t do anything with it… especially books. Luckily, a publisher sent me an e-mail asking if it would be okay to send me books and saying I’d be under no obligation to even mention them.
Coo’.
So now I have Menace in Europe : Why the Continent’s Crisis Is America’s, Too by Claire Berlinski which will be available to unimportant people like you on February 28th. I had it sitting around for about a week now, but I finally sat down and read the press release and the first couple pages this morning as I had my coffee. The first chapter was entitled “Europe on Five Dollars a Day and a Flamethrower” which was a good start. Apparently, the author is an American who has spent a lot of time abroad (especially in Europe) and the book is about how European Muslims are a growing threat and that Europe’s culture is not helping (and, when she says Europe, she means Western Europe). Early on, Berlinski predicts that another attack will occur in America soon and that the perpetrators will be Muslims from Europe.
Well, the first few pages have enticed me to read more. I don’t know very much about Europe other than broad generalization (e.g. the French like to surrender and don’t bathe), and the writing style of the book is quite entertaining while promising to be quite educational. I’ll tell you as I read more (or if I end up getting bored).
Yay to free books I may or may not read!

Q: When James Brown sang Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag, was the bag paper or plastic?

Continue reading ‘An IMAO tribute to African-American History Month’ »

Michelle Malkin is back up and running, and now you can see posts from her favorite twenty blogs thanks to Technorati. I’m not on that list, as Malkin wants to keep the humor of IMAO to herself. I’m the same way; the funniest things I’ve ever written I don’t post but instead printout and hide the printout so only I will ever have read it.
This reminds me; I need to get a blogroll up on IMAO again… or maybe separate blogrolls for each IMAO author. This time, it will be more exclusive… in fact, the greatest honor any blog could have is being on the IMAO blogroll. Less people will be honored with that than who won the Nobel Prize!