NOTE: This, if you couldn’t tell, was posted by SarahK. Until we get her laptop fixed, we share computers and this sometimes happens.
VOTE FOR TAYLOR. THE END.
Ok, fine, if you insist. Let’s consult the manual, boys: No Stevie Wonder, no Jackson 5, no boring songs. If you disobey my commands, I shall smite you with the non-vote. Wooooo. Scary, I know. Where’s my knife for stabbing my eardrums, because Ryan just said those two words, “Marvin Gaye”. Listen, I’m all about Sexual Healing (it’s good for the soul and was my favorite song when I was 5), but come on. Not for American Idol. Capice?
Taylor’s going first, and Chris last. So I’ve figured out the format. Bookend the rest with the best so people tune in for the beginning and the end. Not a bad strategy, except that some folks will simply switch over to LOST at 9:00, because Taylor’s already done.
And look! There’s Kellie Pickler in the Dawg Pound, Paula’s Poodle Kennel, or Simon’s Staffordshire Spot, whichever you prefer. I wonder if she’s ever seen a staaaage beefore!!
It’s so cute when Simon and Ryan pick at each other. I’m hoping that tonight isn’t the ghastly horrible nightmare that last night was. Ryan, don’t forget about hotel lobby karaoke. 😉 I heart Simon.

IDOLS 01… I heart Taylor. Sounds like he’s enjoying his fame, except that he doesn’t want people to, you know, know he’s famous. Oh Taylor, if I didn’t heart you so, I would totally smack you for that. He’s singing “Easy” by the Commodores. I’m not pleased with the song choice, because holy cow, BOOOOOORING. Until I hear him sing it. It’s better than the Commodores (for reals, y’all), and I cannot help but grin giddily whenever he sings. It was great. Randy, you stop smokin’ crack before I come banish you to the Dawg House. And Paula, you shut up. Simon at least has good advice. But don’t worry, y’all, because if everyone VOTES FOR TAYLOR, he’ll sail through to the next round. Simon, you give me back my keyboard and stop writing my lines. BTW, the Commodores and Lionel Richie are hereby banned. Take note, contestants. Because if anyone else in this pack of 10 had done that, I would have been looking for my eardrum-stabbing icepick. (See? We’ve moved on to icepick now.)
IDOLS 02… Next is Elliott Yamin, and there are a lot of ignorant jerks out there who seem to have a problem with this, so I’m not going to mention that he’s (allegedly) Jewish. He’s singing the cleverly titled “Moody’s Mood for Love” by James Moody. If he puts me in a mood, I’m gonna get moody about it. Anyway, so he’s talking about his mother, and LOL, I’m removing the (allegedly) from that prior sentence. His mother said she’s farklempt, so I’m going with Jewish. That’s so cute. He has such a nice voice. And his mom, who was sick, is better now. Good for her. So… onto the singing… Hmm. He sang it really well… I wasn’t expecting crooning from him… Umm. I don’t know, I just don’t know. It was well-sung (very well-sung), but oh so boring. Even with those fast little vocal ditties, it was boring. Okie dokie, lemme repeat myself for the gigateenth time: SONG CHOICE SONG CHOICE SONG CHOICE. I’m rilly gonna become intolerant soon if y’all don’t shape up. One thing: When I was listening to this, I was thinking of our honeymoon cruise. Frank and I would go down to the Sessions Lounge every night after dinner and listen to Bobby Hamilton sing the standards and blues, and we would just calmly unwind. We went to that lounge every night for Mr. Hamilton (nice man, too), and it was our favorite part of the cruise. But his advantage: he plays a mean piano. So unless you’re gonna play like him, you have to avoid the lackluster songs.
IDOLS 03… Ace Young. He’s singing “If I’m Not Made for You” by Daniel Bedingfield. I wonder if he means, “If You’re Not the One”? Yep, that’s what he means. Goodness, “Ace”, at least get the title right. So now I’m already annoyed. And he sings, and I insist he pay Daniel Bedingfield much in punitive damages for murdering such a wonderful song. Adam, Boy, why are you not on this show? I’ve heard Adam sing this song soooo many times sooooo much better than that, and it just breaks my heart that he’s not on the show. Of course, he should audition if he wants to make it. Anyway. The judges are praising this horribly off-key performance (the only good notes of which were the falsetto notes), and thank goodness Simon is there to bring the kooks back down to Earth. I must say this: It was a fantastic song choice, because wow, what a wonderful song to showcase every part of a range, and what a wonderful song period. If only he hadn’t destroyed the song. Also, Adam wears a beanie way better than “Ace”. Get off my stage.
IDOLS 04… Gedeon. I really like this kid and hope he does well. And then I hear the first 3 notes of the song and I already know: This is a song that people want to have slow, meaningful sex to. But no one wants to listen to that in the car!! And really, I’d rather just put on the Soundscapes channel for sex than the channel that plays this slow… sexyouup… getdownslow… letsgetiton music. Or do it a capella, for that matter. DADGUMMIT, CHILDREN!! DO Y’ALL HAVE A LIST OF LIKE 5 BORING ARTISTS TO CHOOSE FROM???? Ok, even after my little tangent rant, I must say that it was probably the best he could have done WITH SUCH A BORING SONG. I really like his voice.
CAN
Y’ALL
PLEASE
STOP
PICKING
SUCH
LACKLUSTER
SONGS…
DO IT FOR ME
OR FOR CALAMARI
OR FOR SUNTANS…
PLEASE, JUST DO IT.
IDOLS 05… Kevin Covais. Let’s be honest. I loved his initial audition. It’s kinda gone down from there for me. And tonight, he’s singing “I Heard It Through the Grapevine”, which I cannot take seriously ever since my mom went as one of those singing California Raisins for Halloween way back in the day. By in the day, I mean back when I was in junior high. * sigh * No one listens to me. Anyway… he gets emails from 12 and 13 year-old girls now, and he thinks it’s almost like he’s a sex symbol. Poor child. 12 and 13 year-old girls also like stick-on Barbie, so you can’t really judge it by them. The performance was soooo boring that I could hardly bear it. Better than last week due to confidence, but where is my pillow. Thank goodness Simon has a good head on his shoulders. LOL, apparently Rowdi likes Kevin, because when Simon made the reality-based comment, Rowdi grunted and growled a bit.
Does anyone have a bottle of wine? ‘Cause I sure could use one to soak my feet in right now. Because see, now, after this hideous song choice halfway point, I have to listen to Sway Penala. And really, could someone just tell me about their suntan while we forget he’s even on the screen?
IDOLS 06… Jose “Sway” Penala. That’s cute, the thing about his family being brought together over this. Almost makes me want to like him. BUT HE’S SINGING STEVIE WONDER. Is Stevie paying Fox a lot of money? Seriously, y’all are killing me. “Joy (Takes Over Me)”… I’d be falling asleep if I wasn’t interpretive dancing in my livingroom right now. Anyway, Simon said “ain’t”. I think we’re Americanizing him. He does watch FoxNews and whatnot. “Maybe it was the wrong song choice for me this week.”
READ MY BLOG. I’VE BEEN SAYING SOMETHING OR OTHER ABOUT STEVIE WONDER, AND I CAN’T HELP IF Y’ALL WON’T LISTEN.
IDOLS 07… Fred Savage. Wait, what’s his name? Will Makar. Ok, y’all are ALL forbidden to vote for Will Makar ever again. “I got to meet Justin Guarini, which was really cool.” Where’d ya meet him? The checkout line at the local Dollar General? And wow, was he still a big joke when ya met him? Is that why it was kewl? He’s singing “Lady” by Kenny Rogers. Now I totally heart Kenny Rogers, so he better not butcher this. I’m sorry, did you miss the part of the CD sleeve that says this is a country song? You’re not allowed to sing Kenny as pop. It’s like against the law in Texas. That’s like trying to sing Willie Nelson as pop. You are hereby kicked out of Texas forever. 4FR! The good news is, you didn’t sing Jackson 5; the bad news is, you sang Kenny all wrong. Bad dog. I mean, bad Will.
Speaking of dogs, I just went to the potty. And I just peed on the pooper scooper. No joke. After Rowdi’s ginormous dump today, I had to put the scooper in the toilet to soak, and woops, with the cat vet appointment and all, I forgot to take the scooper out of the toilet (we got back from our walk just before I had to take the critters to the doc).
IDOLS 08… Bucky Covington is singing a Chris Gaines song. “He puts the rock into country.” Probably because Garth is a country POSER. At least that’s what us Texans think. Oklahomans (but they can’t be trusted) might disagree. Too bad he didn’t sing “Papa Loved Mama”, because that would have been fun. At first I was bored, but ya know, dawg, he made it his own and brought it home in the end. But really. “Mama’s in the graveyard, Papa’s in the pen” is way better than “Another love grows cold all the sleepless nights, blah blah blah.” Of course, I agree with Simon. A good opening act for the main events (Taylor and Chris). Have I ever told y’all how much I hate sweet tea? Disgusting. Tea and sugar are not meant to DO IT.
IDOLS 09… David Radford, the crooner. LOL, for his audition, he used his mom’s cell phone charger as a belt, because his pants were falling down. Sweet, a good song choice. YAY! He’s singing “The Way You Look Tonight.” I danced to this song with Spidade and Pappy at my wedding. So I’m a bit partial to this song. That was great, I’m happy with his performance. I wasn’t bored at all, he was great, he didn’t do that wacky freaky-dance thing that he did last week, so I’m happy. Maybe the difference between the judges and me is that I listened to him with my eyes closed, and I really think that helps him. I’m voting for him. BTW, he reminds me of Harry Connick Jr. Not the sound, Harry is all his own, but the look and the cuteness.
IDOLS 10… Chris is doing “Hemmorhage” by Fuel. Can we call him Soul-Patch Chris? Let’s do. I know I’m voting for him before I even hear him, because let’s face it: the top 3 will be Soul-Patch Chris, Taylor, and Mandisa. He’s even got all that rocker charisma going on. I really like him. When he sings, he makes me hug myself. Does that make sense, or am I just talkin’ crazy? Say, all the resta ya’s, why don’t y’all talk to Chris about song choice, because he’s always got it. He was the best tonight. VOTE FOR HIM!
In order of vocal performance tonight (voting for the s):
Chris
Taylor*
David*
Elliott*
Gedeon
Bucky
Sway
Will
Ace
Kevin
My predictions: I still think Kinnik and Heather are gone tomorrow night. Will’s too cute to go yet, so it will be Sway and Kevin.