Many people think that Hollywood is out of touch with mainstream America; people who think that are crazy and stupid and full of themselves. Those who don’t understand and cherish what Hollywood actors and directors bring to the important issues today are ignorant of both what’s important in America and of Hollywood itself.
Hollywood people are better than us; if you don’t believe that, then you are just jealous. These people are troopers. How often has an actor had the disappointment of their personal assistant forgetting to take the crust off of his sandwich but went on to perform anyway? Sure, he threw a fit, fired the assistant, and pouted in his trailer for two hours, but these people are humans; not gods. And that makes what they do all the more impressive. Still, you want to lecture them on what’s right and wrong, and you don’t even have a personal assistant.
Where in the world do you get this idea you know anything? I know where Hollywood people get their experience. They have tons of different marriages, oodles of out of wedlock children, and more drug problems than all of South America. That’s real world experience that informs them better than the silly, unimportant lives you people have. And, with all these life problems plus fancy parties plus check ups with their plastic surgeons, you know they have little time to spend learning about world issues, so they spend that time well. How many political fundraisers have you been invited to? Yet you think you know anything about war or social issues better than George Clooney? Do you know how ignorant you sound when you say that?
Still, with all this disdain you shovel upon them, they do all they can to educate you. But what do you do? You spit at it! Did you even go to see Brokeback Mountain? Ang Lee slaved on that movie to make you a better person, but you didn’t want to watch it. Know why? Because deep down you know you’re gay. It’s true; you’re gay! Yes, you’ll go see Ang Lee’s The Hulk because you aren’t afraid that you will become large and green if angered, but you’re just too afraid of the gay cowboy inside you to see a story about real love. And, if you won’t even admit to you being afraid of your gayness, how can we trust anything else you say?
Hollywood actors are rich, live pampered lifestyles, and are sheltered from consequences; this gives them a view of society that you don’t have. Up on their pedestals, they have a view of the world you could never even imagine. And, when they read something on a paper, and then they go on TV and say stuff about it to make things happen. They’re important; that’s why they don’t like regular people making eye-contact with them. What do you do when you hear about an issue? Nothing… or you blog about it which is next to nothing. So what is Hollywood out of touch with? You and your boring life? These people don’t only know the issues, they’ve acted in movies and TV specials about these issues. You’ve acted in nothing; you’re just ignorant. I mean, what level scientologist are you? Do you even know about the threat of Xenu? I bet your precious “Jesus” didn’t tell you about that one.
So stop being a fool and worship and offer sacrifices to those in Hollywood who deign us worthy of their opinions. And, if you want to add to the debate, you show me where your Walk-of-Fame star is. Oh, you don’t have one? Then you shut up!
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is a frequent contributor to IMAOPodcast.com. He is also the author of such books as “I, For One, Welcome Our Hollywood Overlords” and “How to Train Your Personal Assistant (Hardcover Edition So You Can Whap Your Personal Assistant with This If He Made You Throw a Fit)”.
First,
This is my first comment. I just learned about imao about 3 weeks ago. I glad I found a place where people think like me.
HOODY HOOT MON!! YOU TELL THEM FRANK!! Man, you gotta send this sh*t to Andy Rooney!!!
I didn’t see Brokeback Mountain or The Hulk. Does that mean that deep down inside I’m a gay cowboy who becomes large and geen when angered? Hehehe…gay cowboy Hulk.
I took your “email this” suggestion seriously and sent this article to EVERYBODY I know. ‘Course, they’re all conservatives, so they’ll like it and take it the way you meant it, but boy I sure would love to see the reaction of someone like Streisand or Surandon reading this article. They’d either say “Well of course.” or if they’re smart enough to understand the satire, they’d throw a hissy fit and hit their personal assistants with their laptops.
Well done as usual Frank, keep them coming and work on your spell/grammar check. Don’t want to be compared with the likes of BABS.
You know, if you wrote “by George Clooney” insted of “by Frank J.”, I–seriously–would have thought that came right from his mouth!!
NUKE THE CLOON!!!
NUKE THE CLOWN!!! I mean CLOOOON!!
I love it
big orange axe said NUKE THE CLOON!!!
I likey.
Knocking your spelling/grammar? That’s grounds for IP blocking!
What about that “Paradise Now” movie? Frank you should make a parody of it called “Parodies Now” making fun of terrorists. You can have a scene in the UN where the palestinian rep shows up in a tin foil hat and tells the UN body that its to block out “Israeli mind control waves” then you see all the arab countries and the French rep putting on their foil hats.
Maybe a scene with the Saudi version of a Jerry Lee Lewis telethon raising terrorist $. They can have a guy singing
“the arms boat, arms excting and new..” with women in burkas as the backup singers.
A Jerry Lee Lewis Telethon?
Well, Mohammad did marry a child, who was semi-related to him… I could see the parallel.
Just great!:D
You should apply to be a publicist for Barbara Streisand
I’m gay? Who knew! Thanks for setting me straight! I’m still not sure I cotton to taking it up the Kiester but…I guess if AquaMan can do it the rest of might give it a try. Must I watch that TV show with the 4 or 5 homos and the one non-homo that the 4 or 5 homos want to “do”? I really don’t want to watch that show even if I am as gay as the day is long…
This might just make my top 5 IMAO posts. What’s sarahk putting in your coffee? This is brilliant!
jonag called it there. This is one of the best Frank posts ever.
Truly inspired you are, sir.
Nuke the Cloon!
I KNOW I’ve been sneaking peeks at Will and Grace, but I SWEAR its cause I think that chick is pretty! Skinny, but pretty! I SWEAR!!
“…[W]hat level scientologist are you? Do you even know about the threat of Xenu?,” you said. That sent me to Wikipedia to find out what you were talking about. Holy new age weirdness! What a bunch of…! As Chesterton said, when people don’t believe the truth, “…they don’t believe in nothing, they believe in anything!”
I’m not afraid of being gay. I’m a nerd so even if I was gay it wouldn’t matter because I wouldn’t get any. aero times negative 1 is still zero!
No I avoided Brokeback Mountain because I am afraid that part of me secretly wants to move to a desolate wilderness and tend sheep and pretend that it is still the mid seventies.
I am very impulsive and easily lead.
Geez I still remember that time I saw “Conan the Barbarian” and realized that I wanted to start a cult, build a mountain fortress, eat people, and turn into a giant snake.
Thankfully a couple of days later I saw this cool cartoon on TV and now I just want to pilot an F-14 that turns into a robot so it can fight giant aliens.