The Code of the Da Vinci Code
A thriller from RightWingDuck.
Dr. R.W. Duck, a world renowned expert in the field of blogology, is about to have his world turned upside down, sideways, and upside down again: meaning everything will turn rightside up but still end up sideways. When an investigator turns up asking him to solve a riddle that will decimate millions of devout atheists: Did Dan Brown steal the ideas for the Da Vinci Code from another couple of whack jobs – or were the theories his own? This fast paced thriller will thrill you right down to your thrilling genes, which if you’re young you probably wear down around your hips with your underwear showing. Read the Code of the Da Vinci Code and you’ll experience a thriller the likes of which you haven’t seen since Frank J. And Sarah K. let their new sixty pound dog loose in a cage with two baby kittens.
Read what the blog critics are saying about the Code of the Da Vinci Code.
“Shut up and post something already!” Frank J.
“Does it have a scene with lap dancing? Every thriller needs lap dancing.” Harvey
“No Lap dancing. This is a family website. At least – most of the time it’s a family website.” Sarah K.
“Whatchu all guys talking about?” Spacemonkey.
“Shut up and post something, Spacemonkey.” Frank J. again.
Chapter 1: The First Chapter
Dr. Duck opened his email to read the important questions that haunted readers of the IMAO website. He slammed at the keyboard in frustration. “Why do people keep asking me about hippies? Or the French? The Dr. Duck advice column could help millions if only they would ask the right questions.” He looked up at his office wall to once again admire the plaque sent to him by a local animal rights organization: an award for his recent post — Hunting Baby Seals the FAQ. The plaque read “Rot In Hell You Bastard.”
Dr. Duck was comforted to know that, sometimes, he really did make a difference. He thought about this and realized that the readers did not know what he looked like. If only there was something to cast a reflection. This way he could use that as a cheap writing tool to describe himself.
Unfortunately, Dr. Duck lived in California where they had passed the Religious Sensitivity Bill. This provided protection for all religions except Christianity – that would be a violation of the separation of Church and State. The building management had removed all mirrors at the first complaint from the First Church of Ugly people. These people couldn’t stand seeing who they really were. And thus had special legislation put in place that forbade mirrors and cartoons acting as mirrors.
He looked at his refreshing beverage on his desk. Beer. Beer had a reflection. Thus he could look in and describe himself and pretend he was a real writer. Beer. Unfortunately he drank it. He tried it again. He drank it again. And again. Eventually he passed out.
Later, he was startled awake by a knock on his office door. It was a beautiful lady with lovely blue eyes. She didn’t look scared, which is the way women normally look around Dr. Duck. “Hello Dr. Duck, we need your help solving a problem. Have you heard about Dan Brown and how he may have stolen the plot for his book from some other writers?”
“Heard about it. Seems pretty open and shut. Dan even named one of the characters based on the first book. This case would take 30 seconds to solve.”
“We’ll pay you $500 a day to investigate this case.”
“Like I said, 30 seconds if you’re sloppy. If you’re me — then it could take days, weeks, months. $500 a day you said?”
She tossed a brown envelope on his desk. When he opened it, what slipped out was the most gruesome and violent thing he had ever seen.
Tune in later this week for more…..
That’s a good FIRST chapter! Can’t wait to read more.
My world is teetering on the edge of sideways
I found the secret code. Take every letter that spells “Jews built mind control pyramids on the moon”. And you get “a bdellium cedi hi jo mo mo psst torn torn wynn” Which I’m thinking is secret code for something.
“…the most gruesome and violent thing he had ever seen…?
Let me guess… a picture of Hillary nekkid?? Ew.
No, no. I’m pretty sure that the most gruesome thing involves Michael Moore.
I’m guessing that the thing in the envelope used to be a puppy or a kitten.
I like to wear my in-a-world-gone-mad underwear with my thrilling genes.
OH WOW Duck!! You got me on the edge of my seat…and that’s NOT the beer talking…even if beer COULD talk…which it could if it has rice crispies in it…
My thrilling genes say “DKNY” on them… how do I know they’re really thrilling?
If I may, I’d like to play Devil’s Advocate for a second. The message of DaVinci Code was not that Jesus wasn’t the Messiah, nor that God didn’t exist. What it said was that certain aspects of Christianity were changed by the Roman emperor Constantine, and by certain members of the Catholic Church.
ssj2gunslinger: That’s not what they don’t WANT you to not think.
I find the Catholic Church a little strange in their beliefs (saints, needing a priest to absolve you, etc.) and the way they worship, but they’ve got the Triine God down and worship said God, so they’re on the correct track.
Aside from the whole molestation thing, which will be a dark spot for many, many years, the Catholics are all right in my book.
Thus, Protestants that bash them, and the left that bashes them are a bunch of tosspots.
At least the Catholic Church actually tries to make the world a better place, rather than imagining it like the Libs do. Not to mention, and I’m a shamed of this, the Protestants watering down the Gospel and God’s call to live holy and when you can’t, the need for Jesus’ forgiveness.
BTW, damned fine Writing Senor Duck.