Previously on 24, there was a shootout, and Aaron grabbed Wayne and took him away. Jack interrogated Audrey until she asked about their relationship, and then he just freaking gave up, because he couldn’t stand to talk to her. But later they played kissy-face, and I yelled at the TV. Man-Girl told Jack where the nerve gas was going. Jack said it had to be incinerated. Chloe yelled at Jack to get out of there, man. Oh no! Is Jack dead? No, Keifer’s still in the opening credits, so I’m going with not dead yet.
BTW, last week, one of my commenters made a good point: If all it takes is incinerate the virus, then who cares if it goes out to people’s houses? They’re going to use the gas by incinerating it anyway… so big deal.
Archive of entries posted on 3rd April 2006
Who Do Voodoo? Penn Do, You Too!
So, Sean Penn ‘violates’ an Ann Coulter ‘voodoo’ doll on a regular basis?
Well, isn’t that nice? I guess we all grieve in our own way. But since he seems to have put the loss of his brother behind him, why can’t the rest of us torture a doll of HIM in Miss Coulter’s defense? (I own one of her books.
Why, we CAN! Don’t you miss out on the all the voodoo fun! Order your Sean Penn voodoo doll today.
Pins, personal photographer and cigarette lighter sold separately.
Fun Trivia
The police officer who was struck by Rep. Cynthia McKinney after he stopped her from walking past security unchecked claims he didn’t recognize her. How likely is that story?
Bush Was… Something
This video seems to have a positive message about Bush. But I can’t seem to make it out.
Watch it and tell me if you can find the message. Its just a little too subtle for me.
Bush: was a’ight? in a fight? cured of over bite? I dunno.
(Embedded player not working for ya? Watch it at Youtube.)
Catchy tune, huh?
News UPDATE!!!!
In a surprise statement today, Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, a Democrat, announced her innocence regarding charges that she punched a cop. Stated the Congresswoman, “Although I have no moral judgment regarding the punching of law enforcement personnel, I want to state that this is a case of mistaken identity. I would never punch somebody just because they’re trying to enforce the rules and regulations that are designed to keep me safe.”
The congresswoman went on to state her support for those who enforce the law.
As a result of this press conference, law enforcement officials have looked at the videotape of the event and have now identified a new suspect.
Be on the lookout for this person…
Anyone Touching or Standing Near a Foreign Flag Must Be Shot
An Editorial by Frank J.
When I saw on the news that people were marching in Los Angeles and waving Mexican flags, my first reaction was, “Oh no! The Mexicans are invading! Where is the national guard to shoot all these people?”
It ends up, though, that this was allowed since it was considered “free speech.” That’s crazy. Free speech is for Americans, and these people were holding Mexican flags and thus declaring their allegiance with Mexico. Anyone who waves a foreign flag in America is obviously declaring war on us and must be shot.
“What about St. Patrick’s Day?” you might ask.
Well, obviously not on that day, but any other day a foreign flag means war against America, and the people possessing the flags or near them must be shot before we get all invaded. As we learned from Iraq, it’s hard to root out people once they’re hidden in a society.
“But isn’t waving a foreign flag just showing a little cultural pride?” you might say.
“If someone is so proud of a country, then go there and wave its flag.”
That’s extra crazy! If someone is so proud of a country, then go there and wave its flag. If those people were so proud of Mexico, why don’t they just go back to Mexico and improve it so it’s someplace everyone doesn’t want to flee from. The people marching here waving Mexican flags obviously have no pride in Mexico since they fled that country and want to declare war on us out of frustration.
“What about Jews with Israeli flags to show support of that country? Should we shoot them?”
Of course not. Jews have a Zionist conspiracy and will shoot you right back. Use some common sense. I doubt the Mexicans have any such conspiracy or they wouldn’t need to flee their country for below minimum wage jobs.
Then again, it could be the biggest conspiracy ever!
“How about Cubans in Florida and all their flags?”
That’s a completely different situation. Those people are refugees since their country went all Commie. Don’t you have any sympathy for the plight of others?
“Well, what about Puerto Ricans?”
Puerto Rico is part of America, dumbass… or, at least I think it is. Anyway, do some research before shooting anyone.
“This sounds like white supremacy propaganda.”
That’s ignorant. If my stance was “shoot Latinos,” that’s what I’d title this piece. I’m for shooting anyone of any race waving foreign flags in America. If there are any white people waving Mexican flags, I’d shoot them too. Actually, I’d shoot them first because that is kinda suspicious.
“What about shooting people at Italian restaurants? Those usually have Italian flags.”
The mob usually handles shooting those places up, so I wouldn’t worry about it.
“Then how about Mexican restaurants?”
Not if they’re any good. Do you know how hard it is to find good Mexican food where I live in Florida?
“Should Americans waving American flags in foreign countries be shot?”
Don’t be stupid. Everyone in the world should have pride in America; the only reason the world is not all exploded is because of us. Anyone who shoots someone with an American flag should be shot and also all those around the person should be shot.
“What if someone is in America and holding a foreign flag to burn it?”
Again, use common sense. Burning a foreign flag in America is completely acceptable. But, if you see someone waving a foreign flag and you call him on it and he pulls out a lighter and says, “I was just about to burn it,” that person is both foreign and a liar and should be shot twice.
“What caliber should we be shooting people with?”
Now you’re just asking dumb questions; use whatever is available.
“Hey, don’t yell at me. I’m just your own Socratic method of having a conversation with yourself.”
You’re stupid. On second thought, don’t shoot anyone because I don’t think you’re responsible enough to handle a gun. Instead, just break the kneecaps of anyone with a foreign flag using a baseball bat. The point is, America is a great country with a nice flag, and we don’t want people marching around here with their foreign flags declaring war on us. That’s just common sense, and this country could use more common sense and more shooting people with foreign flags.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “If Immigrants Are Good for America, Then Why Are They So Illegal?” and “The Big Book of Legal Defenses for Shooting Someone (Bonus: Defense Ideas for Having Used this Book as a Murder Weapon)”.
How Inadequate is Sean Penn’s Manhood?
Judging by the word “we” in the quote from this news story regarding what he does with his Ann Coulter doll:
“We violate her. There are cigarette burns in some funny places. She’s a pure snake-oil salesman. She doesn’t believe a word she says.” [emphasis added]
The answer appears to be “too small to noticably penetrate a small plastic doll without assistance”.
[Hat tip to apparently blogless IMAO reader TJ for the suggestion]
That’s okay. My rat will just get a prostate transplant.
Apparently, rats ingesting meat cooked at high temperatures have an increased the risk of prostate cancer:
A compound formed when meat is charred at high temperatures — as in barbecue — encourages the growth of prostate cancer in rats, researchers reported on Sunday.
Their study, presented at a meeting of the American Association for Cancer Research, may help explain the link between eating meat and a higher risk of prostate cancer.
It also fits in with other studies suggesting that cooking meat until it chars might cause cancer.
Hrm… well, that can’t be good. I guess that means more veggies on the grill:
Mmmm… stuffed jalapenos on the grill.
And asparagus!
Say what you will about me, but I’m not about to cause rats to die from prostate cancer. No sirree, Bob!
Underwater Missiles!
Hello, Aquafans!
I heard about Iran testing new missiles, and my initial reaction was, “Ha! Foolish land-dwelling humans; you sow your own doom.”
But then some of my fish friends came up to me and said, “Hey! We saw the missile and it was traveling through the water!”
“Then isn’t that a torpedo?” I asked.
“No, it’s still like a missile.”
“You’re just tuna! What the hell do you know other than how to make a good sandwich when mixed with mayo and chopped celery?”
After the tuna were done pummeling me, I indeed confirmed that Iran is working on an underwater missile. So, now everybody is probably expecting me to stop them (you know Superman won’t do it since his suit is dry-clean only). Well, I’ll try my best, but, if a few missiles get past me, just remember that the ocean is big and I’m only one man in an orange shirt.
This is Aquaman, signing off.
Space Lasers and the “Undocumented”
There are now a couple new designs at the IMAO Store. First, the S.M.I.T.E. Space Laser plans are available as a poster or a t-shirt (be careful who see either). They consist of high resolution versions of the complex design plans from this post and the initial demonstation in this post.
More art should be available in the future including the Hate-Filled Lefty.
Also, from Ducky, we now have undocumented shirts available:
Feedback is always appreciated, especially if you’ve now gotten an IMAO Store item.
“IMAO: We want your money, and you want to give it to us.”