According to the AP, Vice President Dick Cheney is throwing out the first pitch in the Washington Nationals home opener this week.
No, Harry Whittington will not be catching.

It was nice to see that Jacques Chirac solved the Youth Jobs Law controversy by resorting to that tried and true French institution: surrender. Of course, Chirac characterized it as “replacing” one provision for another. Yeah, kind of like when Nazi soldiers “replaced” French soliders in Paris in 1940.

People love America… they love it so much that they’re flowing over the border as I type. So why do people come here illegally?
TOP TEN REASONS FOR COMING TO AMERICA ILLEGALLY
10. Lines for immigrating into the U.S. almost as bad as lines at the DMV.
9. Just want to get away from those hordes of attack Chihuahuas.
8. You always get hassled just because you’re on the terrorist watch list.
7. Have a few pounds to lose, and you figured the jog across the border will do you good.
6. Coyotes are some of the most interesting people to chat with when locked up in the back of a truck.
5. Just tired of pretending to like that gay sport soccer.
4. Authentic Mexican food is okay, you really prefer Taco Bell.
3. “That’s your minimum wage!”
2. Your friend Cesar snuck over years ago, and now he’s rich and famous for walking the dogs of spoiled celebrities.

Continue reading ‘Top Ten Reasons for Coming to America Illegally’ »

I found a link on Michelle Malkin’s blog about the NY Times taking questions from readers. Boring!! They’re not going to answer any of the good, hard hitting questions. That’s MY job!!
“By what authority?” you might be asking. Well, right now, millions of Latinos are marching through the streets to rally around a cause. Do you know what that cause is?
That’s right. My Birthday.
Somebody as popular as I am must be endowed with some sort of authority, so as of this moment I, Editor Duck, will field all those questions you would normally write to the NYT Editor.
Fire away no question is too tough. As my people say “Si, Si Se Puede!”
Please start all questions with “Dear Editor Ducky”

Man, I’ve been stuck in a little room all day writing a report and working with an Excel sheet. I didn’t have any coffee or food or a radio, and I thought I was going to go mad.
Yeah, yeah, I know you want the funny and not excuses. Well, sorry; excuses are easier. Anyway, I’ll check the news and see if I can hack something together…

Apparently, there’s a group of ultra-orthodox commandos out there hacking Hebrew porn sites.
I guess someone translated Leviticus 11 wrong again. It’s supposed to be a prohibition against consuming pork, not consuming movies and photos of porking.

Yay, me!
Today is my birthday. Wish me happy brithday!!
:: shakes fist::
I think you’ll agree that the world is a better place with me in it. Right?
Agree with me!
:: shakes fist ::
I want to thank those those who visited the RWD site and contributed to my B-Day fund. Specifically, I want to thank BOTH of them. Sheesh, you’d think I’d be more popular…
Last night I had a wonderful revelation. My daughter and I spend a lazy Sunday afternoon at Borders bookstore, sitting on the floor of the kids book section, reading away. I was reading Dave Barry (my writing idol) and she was reading her Magic Treehouse series. After about 20 minutes, my whole body was numb from sitting on the floor. She suggested we find a couch. Smart girl. Anyway, she bounced up and skipped to a couch nearby. I took about five minutes of trying to loosen my joints. Unable to shake it all out, I ended up crawling to that couch on all fours. Really, it couldn’t have been more humliating if a nearby toddler had tried to crawl up on my back to play horsey.
So I realized that getting older means getting older. I’m not happy about that. But rather than focus on the bad, I’m grateful for the blessings that I do have:
RWD’s Blessings..
I have most of my hair. Sure, it’s on the outer edges of my head, but I have most of it. And the ear supply seems to be increasing!
I have two wonderful kids. Last night, baby boy was crying and I went to check on him. Turns out that one of the diaper tabs had broken. Had I not caught this, this morning would not have been so happy. Or so clean.
I get to write at one of the craziest, whackiest websites in the world. . And at IMAO, too!
I’ve never tracked it, but I’m sure I have at least 10 IMAO readers who read my stuff faithfully.
My wife still loves me. I don’t know what I do, but she does. That is soooo coool.
It’s been ages since the dog had an accident in the house. Excellent.
Sure, the family is flat broke, but everyone is healthy. Still, we wish we had money.
I think I’d give up a limb for $10,000.
I think, I’m not sure. Depends on the limb.
If it weren’t for politics, I’d have nothing to laugh at. Embarassingly enough, real life is starting to eclipse anything I could make up!
Think about this: The French youth are rioting because nobodty will give them job security!
It used to be a good thing when a young man would say, “I’m here to set your business on fire!”
Now, it’s a standard part of the riot process.
Coffee! Coffee has to be counted as a blessing in my life. What would I do without it?
I’m sure I’m missing something.
Oh yeah. I have to take this day and thank God for the gift of life. Today is the only day I have, I might not get another one. But I’m glad I keep getting them and getting them.
**
Happy Birthday to Me!