What’s neither fun nor trivia?
Archive of entries posted on 13th April 2006
Smell-o-vision
Apparently, there’s a lot of buzz over synchronized smell-o-vision with the new Colin Farrell movie
A theater audience in Japan will be sniffing their noses – literally – at a new Hollywood adventure film when it opens here later this month.
A new service from a major telecommunications company, NTT Communications Corp., will synchronize seven different smells to parts of ”The New World,” starring Colin Farrell.
I don’t know what the big deal is. I was at a Cheech & Chong film festival the other week and they had smell-o-vision working perfectly with all of the movies they showed.
Now that I think of it, maybe there was buzz going on with those films, too.
Bite-Sized Wisdom: Still Need More Coffee Edition
- I keep hearing how Iran is on the path to getting nuclear weapons, but I don’t think that’s a good thing. I’ve seen some of those people from the Iranian government, and, I’m sorry to say, I just don’t trust them. I don’t think they want nukes for peaceful purposes at all. Someone may want to do something about this.
- There was like a DNC rep from Texas on FOX and Friends to talk about illegal immigration, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t speak English. They kept asking her complex questions about the debate, and she just stared like a deer in the headlights before responding with a couple words that seemed to be her best guess as to something related to the question. The FOX people looked like they were doing all they could not to crack up.
I’m not one of those “Speak English!” nazis, but if you’re going to be representing one of America’s two major two parties to an English speaking audience, it’s kinda a good idea to at least be a little fluent. - I don’t like people who don’t know English reading IMAO. Who knows what they may be thinking!
- My dog Rowdi chased my cat Sydney yesterday. SarahK got all mad at Rowdi, but, if Sydney didn’t have something to hide, why did she run?
- There is all this debate about executing Moussaoui, but he just seems too goofy to be executed. I mean, he’s just trying too hard to look evil, but it seems like the reason he wasn’t part of the 9/11 attacks is because all the other terrorists knew he was just a goofball. Maybe we could set him up like we were going to execute – strap him to a chair and everything – and then have a bunch of people whack him in the crotch with wiffleball bats. That’s seems more apropos.
Or kill him. Not like I’m going to lose sleep over it. - My brother called me the other day and told me how he was training with live grenades and accidentally started the fuse while it was still in his hand. He still waited until the instructor said “Throw!” before tossing it, though.
Just a little anecdote for anyone wondering why I call him Joe foo’ the Marine. - Hopefully, Joe will get into Officer Training School in June. He should make a good officer since he now has combat experience and is quite smart for a Marine since he is able to count to twenty even with his shoes and socks on.
- I kid! Who doesn’t like the Marines? If you’re stuck in Iraq with insurgents blowing stuff up all around you, it’s not like the Navy is going to come save you.
- Then again, if I’m getting attacked by a giant squid, I hope they send the Navy. I had a college roommate in Navy ROTC, and half the classes were about learning the vulnerabilities of the dreaded squid.
- Sorry, but I’m just having trouble coming up with funny this week. I’m tired out on the illegal immigration topic, and nothing else is jumping out at me. Sometimes funny is easy, and other times it’s like pulling teeth. Maybe I should go with the tried and true making fun of liberals.
- Have you seen liberals these days? What a bunch of morons. What kind of crack are they smoking? They should really go back to their crack dealers and say, “Hey, this crack you gave me is bad. Just look at these editorials I wrote in the NYTimes. That’s really messed up, dude.” Then the crack dealer will probably shoot the liberal since that’s what crack dealers do. You really can’t trust those guys. Never let them watch your kids.
- Any other advice about crack dealers? Please put it in the comments. People need to know.
Carnival Of Comedy #50 is Up
Well it’s up.
All I can figure is that A4G thought doing the carnival was real drudge work.
Update: Direct link not working, so use this instead.
A realistic plan for world peace.
The great thing about being a genius, is that great ideas come to you out of the blue at almost any moment of the day. This morning I was working through my RSS feeds and came across this story:
Italian porn star offers Bin Ladin sex for peace
Italy’s most famous porn star Cicciolina has offered herself to Osama bin Laden. “I am ready to make a deal, he can have me in exchange for an end to his tyranny. My breasts have only ever helped people while Bin Laden has killed thousands of innocent victims.”
Then I came across this story:
Iran Leader: ‘We Are a Nuclear Country’
Iran’s hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad vowed Thursday that Iran won’t back away from uranium enrichment and said the world must treat Iran as a nuclear power.
Then it suddenly occurred to me! A sure fire way to avoid the coming nuclear apocalypse! So, in the name of world peace, I hereby offer the following to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the Supreme Revolutionary Council . . .
Fundraising
Forced into a financial crisis by the more rational members of the international community being unwilling to directly fund terror while the Arab League offers up pledge after pledge without actually paying the bills, Hamas is taking the airwaves in a fundraising campaign to keep the leaky and rotten ship that is the Palestinian Authority afloat:
Palestinian Foreign Minister Mahmoud Zahar of Hamas was to embark on a fundraising tour of five Arab nations on Friday, but was expected to be snubbed by officials in at least two countries, Jordan and Egypt. Nevertheless, Israel Radio reported on Thursday that Zahar said he would travel to Egypt on Saturday. Other stops include Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Kuwait.
Hamas has acknowledged that it is broke and will have trouble paying the salaries of 140,000 government workers -payments that sustain one-third of the Palestinians. The March paychecks are two weeks overdue, and the Palestinian finance minister has said he is still tens of millions of dollars short of covering the payroll.
On Wednesday, Hamas launched a fundraising drive with the backing of the Arab League, an umbrella group that has no significant budget of its own. In appeals on TV stations and Web sites, donors were asked to send money to an account at the Arab Bank in Cairo.
The Hamas Web site on Thursday published a “public appeal to support the steadfastness of our Palestinian brothers and to foil the Zionist plans aimed at forcing them to give up their legitimate national rights.”
Doesn’t this sound an awful lot like those PBS and NPR pledge drives?
So, you’re probably curious about what you get with your pledges. Well, at the 100 Jordanian Dinar level, you get a plain white coffee mug that does not depict the Prophet Muhammad on it to show the steadfastness of your faith and devotion.
At the 300 Jordnian Dinar Level, you get a T-shirt that says “My dad was promised seventy-two virgins if he blew myself up in Tel Aviv, but all I got was this lousy T-shirt.”
For 500 Jordanian Dinars, there’s a lovely sack of Official Marwan Bargouti Throwing Rocks, perfectly balanced and tested for accuracy and impact against Israeli Border Police and the IDF.
At the 1,000 Jordanian Dinar level, you get a CD of “The Three Martyred Tenors” concert performance by Sheik Yassin, Abdel Rantisi, and Luciano Pavorati. (For 2,000 you get the DVD)
You’ll get a pair of Israeli and US flags to burn if you contribute 2,500 Jordanian Dinars. Both have been manufactured with cheap, flammable material that burns easily. Or you can choose to lay them on the street and stomp on them repeatedly.
At the 5,000 Jordanian Dinar level, you’ll get an official Yasser Arafat International Airport luggage tag. In fact, you’ll also get a Yasser Arafat International Airport official, since they don’t do much since the airport’s closing in 2001.
And at the 10,000 Jordanian Dinar level, you get your very own Human Shield, courtesy of the International Solidary Movement. (Please specify male or female, hair color, weight, and what major they’re studying at Evergreen University in Olympia)
This year, we’re sad to announce that the matching program offered by Saddam Hussein of one barrel of oil per Jordanian Dinar is no longer available (Sorry, George Galloway), but the ministers attending the Arab League summit are working on an offer to kill a black Sudanese from the Darfur region for every PA bureaucrat you sponsor.
So call with your pledges today, martyrs are standing by.
Iraq’s Beauty Queen Resigns After Four Days
Iraq’s newly crowned beauty queen, Tamar Goregian, stepped down — just four days after her election. She announced her resignation after receiving threats by a group of religious extremists who referred to her as “the queen of infidels” for participating in the contest.
Luckily, the runner-up was ready to step into the position . . .
