And found on DU of all places. Go read all about it.
I find it heartening how many at DU reccommended contacting conservative outlets to help spread the story. Through all the bravado, only the worst can’t toss aside politics when a life is at stake.
Update here.
Archive of entries posted on 24th April 2006
Expect no 24 blogging tonight
Computer just turned itself off at the first commercial break. I was just about to hit publish. So I’ll do the rest of the show tonight but won’t be able to go back and do the beginning until morning. Darnit, I was funny, too. Really funny. I hope I remember all my jokes. If the first 15 minutes aren’t funny, it’s because the computer killed my entry.
Flogging
Michelle Malkin (SarahK: Stop talking about Michelle Malkin!) has launched a new venture to popularize video blogging on the internet. Soon, everyone can be his own Dan Rather. Personally, I’ve considered doing some of my own video, but it’s not like I already don’t have too much to do trying to fulfill your insatiable appetites for entertainment.
Anyway, for video blogging to take off, it obviously needs an asinine name. The written word on the internet is called a blog and audio is called a podcast – both completely meaningless words made to confuse newcomers. I say video should be called a “flog” – a combination of “film” and “blog.” You like it? Doesn’t matter; I’ve already declared it so.
Now get to flogging!
UPDATE: People keep trying to tell me that that video blogging already has names that are a combination of either video and blogging or video and podcasting. That’s stupid. Video blogging should get it’s own horrid name that makes it seem unapproachable to people who hadn’t previously heard of it. That name is “flogging.”
Tourism: Space vs. Egypt
Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve dispensed any travel advice, but in light of recent events I thought I’d do a little comparison shopping for you:
PRICE:
Space: Very expensive.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
AVAILABILITY:
Space: Nearly impossible to get to.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
HEALTH CARE ACCESS:
Space: Nearly all crew are well-versed in First Aid and medical procedures, trained on simulators and have a direct line to physicians planetside.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you. Then, the ambulances will arrive late. Finally, the doctors will try to finish you off. Worst of all, none of it will be covered by your insurance carrier.
SIGHTSEEING:
Space: A unique panoramic view of Earth from orbit.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
LODGING:
Space: Cramped quarters in vehicle and in space station.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
TRIP PREPARATION:
Space: Extensive background check, fitness screening.
Egypt: A few shots, some bribes for customs officials, and – oh, I almost forgot – Muslims will try to kill you.
GRAVITY:
Space: None. Wheeeeeeeeeee! Uh oh. barf
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
SHOPPING:
Space: Okay, so there aren’t any Gucci or Prada stores in orbit. Yet.
Egypt: After ripping you off with cheap knock-offs made in China, Muslims will try to kill you.
DINING:
Space: All food is vacuum-sealed, but water is machine-fresh.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
ATMOSPHERE:
Space: Outside, none. Inside, lots. Stay inside.
Egypt: Filled with blood, shrapnel, and body parts. Some of which may be your own. Why? Because Muslims will try to kill you.
WINNER:
If you can afford it, Space.
And there you have it. Next week, I will compare Disneyland and Mecca.
Jonah Goldberg Wants Me Dead!
I saw this post over in the corner, so I sent Jonah Goldberg a simple e-mail stating that I don’t want to be shot either. Here’s his reply:
well, if **one** of us has to be shot, you know how i’m voting…
It’s true! He wants me shot dead! We’ve known for a while that Jonah wants me out of the way so I won’t be able to steal his job, but he’s a fool if he thinks I, Frank J., can be intimidated so easily!
But, if I do get shot, make sure to tell the police it was Jonah Goldberg. The truth must get out.
Avenging 1963
Forget about the new Monopoly properties poll going on.
What really matters:
Among other changes, the railroads will be replaced by New York’s JFK airport, Chicago’s O’Hare, Los Angeles’ LAX and Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson.
Well, let’s see.
- Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson is the busiest airport in the world.
- Chicago’s O’Hare is #2
- Then there’s London’s Heathrow…
- And Tokio’s International, which aren’t American airports.
- Then there’s LAX in Los Angeles.
And in the #6 slot is…
Have y’all ever had this happen to you?
Okay, so I get home from the Astros game and fix myself a nice tall glass od iced tea. I slice a lemon in half and squeeze both halves into the glass with a squeezing-doohickey I use for squeezing lemons.
Then I drop the squeezed lemon halves into the tea glass.
For an hour or so, I go about my business, yadda yadda yadda, cleaning and puttering and snapping photos of the cats, and so forth.
My wife then gets home from dress-shopping. I sit down on the couch, and I drink from my glass of iced tea.
There’s limes in the glass.
Weird. I remember cutting up lemons. Because I sand the lemon-cutting song to Frisky, who just stared at me like I was some kind of idiot.
“No, I’m not gonna squeeze an orange-boy kitty-cat because who wants orange in iced tea?”
(No, I will not record it)
I look around, and there’s a glass of iced tea by the computer. Lemons in there and still a little bit of ice from when I made it, just in case I tried to dismiss the incident as if I’d fixed that glass yesterday and left it there.
The glass in the living room has fresh ice in it, just fresh-made. And I know I made it, because I slice the lemons or limes halfways and put them in the glass.
“See? My memory’s good, because I remember slicing up the lemon and here’s the lemon in the iced tea.”
Except for one thing: I have no memory of slicing up the lime or making the fresh lime iced tea. And if my wife had made it for me, she’d have asked if I wanted lime or lemon in it because she knows I always make that decision randomly.
I look in the glass. Sprig of mint from the garden in it. Same with the other glass.
Yup. I made both.
There can only be one solution to my degenerating memory: switching to Dr. Pepper.
We Need a War for Oil
An Editorial by Frank J.
I filled up my SUV this weekend, and, after seeing the bill, my immediate reaction was, “Someone must die for this!” After a little thought, I knew who should die: foreigners. Foreigners with oil.
We need a war for oil.
“If our military can’t keep us from being forced to drive gay little cars, then what exactly are all these gasoline taxes going towards?”
Supposedly, our previous incursion into the Middle East were about oil, but it hasn’t looked that way. Unlike all this establishing democracy hooey, a real war for oil would follow a much simpler mission plan: We go in, we kill lots of people, and we take all the oil. Also, we would know for certain when the mission is accomplished; if we have all the oil, we’re done.
Would it just be easier to drive a hybrid instead of having all this killing? No, it wouldn’t, because hybrids are gay. If our military can’t keep us from being forced to drive gay little cars, then what exactly are all these gasoline taxes going towards? You better not tell me poor people, because I did not get an SUV to help the poor. It should be obvious that our military must be deployed with the sole purpose of stealing all the oil worth getting our hands on. It is a risk of lives, but I risk lives everyday I drive my SUV anyway.
Now, there are a number of ways to take all that oil. My suggestion is to make big tripod robots like in War of the Worlds, but they’ll suck oil out of the ground instead of blood out of people (cars don’t run on blood). This may be a bit too extravagant, though. The simplest idea is too simply rush towards the oil fields in tanks killing everyone we see and then securing the oil fields with big walls and minefields and signs that say, “Americans Only.” We’ll then airlift the oil so we don’t have to deal with any people around there. You may be worried that children could step on the landmines, but I’m not since I hate children. Getting blown up will teach them to be small and dumb. I hope monkeys step on mines too.
Will America stealing all the oil in the Middle East anger the people there? Of course, but who cares. Since we’ll have all their oil, they won’t have any gasoline to get near us. What are they going to do? Fill a truck with bombs, put it in neutral, and push it towards us? That’s pathetic. The most they’ll do is get as close to our walled in oil fields and shout epithets at us. Then we can shout back, “Don’t you guys have anything better to do? Like losing a war to tiny country full of Jews?”
So there is what needs to be done. I want war war war until gas is down to a buck a gallon, and I’m the taxpayer, so I get what I want. People didn’t need to die for this, but a bunch of Muslims didn’t need to live where all our oil is either.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “If You Don’t Want to Die, Stand Away from that Oil” and “Diplomacy Is a Failure of War”.
Michelle Malkin Is the Sweetest Pundit Ever
Michelle Malkin has a thanks for all her supporters. I just hope incidents like this won’t occur again in the future, but I’m not holding my breath.
And that why we’ll still be there.