Don’t know why I’m so excited. I know I’m voting for Taylor unless Katharine pulls out something I’ve never heard from her. Taylor is definitely the most talented, and I don’t care how spastic he is. Really, I’m not watching him when listening to his CD. Then again, if they’re both boring and safe, I may not vote.
Simon looks suave in his nice jacket. Paula and Randy have meaningless nothings to say, and Simon says each should hope the other forgets the words.
They’re showing the Bad Day stuff for both contestants, since neither one gets it tomorrow night.
BTW, sorry about 24. I’ll get to it tomorrow. Today I had lots going on.
Archive of entries posted on 23rd May 2006
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sarahk is liveblogging the AI pre-finale tonight by telegraph — unfortunately an ornery mule kicked over a tree and knocked the wire down outside hooterville — don’t worry, they’ll get the wire re-strung any time now and updates will start streaming in
Heh
A Kos prediction.
No punchline. I just find the idea of him predicting anything politically very funny.
She’s a Huggy Pit Pup!
SarahK and I have been taking Rowdi to pond parties where she gets to run around with forty other dogs and swim in ponds. She has lots of fun, but it’s hard to keep track of her since it seems like half the dogs there are tan colored and are wearing red collars. Thus, we decided to put a nametag on her collar. Here’s what we had made for her:
Today’s Main Problem Facing Society Today
How many boards can you punch through? How about block of ice? When was the last time you roundhouse kicked someone in the head? Have you ever even been in a battle to the death?
You probably don’t even want to answer those question because of the shame it would bring to fess up on how weak your kung fu is, but you are not alone. Kung fu has been in a decline in America since the 60s, and, all that time, crime, drug use, and wussiness have been on the rise. Why, if I graphed America’s strength in kung fu versus societal ills, there would be a line that… uh…
I really have to learn Excel. Anyway, it would be a disturbing graph, and you’d gasp to see it. There probably isn’t one problem in this country that doesn’t have some relation to our weakening kung fu.
Most people just like to ignore the problem, but let me give you this fact: there is a one in forty chance you will be attacked by a ninja today. So what are you going to do? Call the police? Here another fact: a ninja can kill someone weak in kung fu in an average of 30 seconds while police response time is an average of 40 seconds – longer if the police themselves have weak kung fu.
Are you scared yet? Of course you are; you’re weak in kung fu and probably scared of everything. So what to do?
HOW TO KEEP YOUR KUNG FU STRONG
* When you’re mad, punch holes in things. Start simple like drywall, and try to build up to punching through buildings.
* Instead of leaf blower, clear your lawn of leaves using just the wind from your kick.
* Next time you’re in an argument, make sure it escalates to a fight. If you can keep the fighting going until your battling on a rooftop (or, better yet, a mountain top) all the better.
* When you pass someone on the street you don’t know or care about, knock him down with a swift palm strike. Keep a journal handy to record your progress on how far back you send people flying.
* Do breathing exercises.
And don’t forget about the next generation. When you feed your kids, only make one meal and let them fight for it.
Remember: Only you can prevent weak kung fu.
This public service announcement from your friends at IMAO is in compliance with item 5.04.2A of the Keep America’s Kung Fu Strong Act.
Unfortunately, It’s True – Thief Steals Data on 26 Million Military Veterans
Thought our Veteran readers should know about this:
The Department of Veterans Affairs reported Monday that a laptop computer containing the names, dates of birth and Social Security numbers of over 26,000,000 veterans was stolen from the home of an employee who had taken the data home without authorization.
A copy of the letter being sent to affected veterans is available at the link.
Meanwhile, if you’re an affected Veteran, here are other steps you can take:
1) Find out who stole the laptop.
2) Gut him like a trout.
3) Place his head on a pike as a warning to others.
Honestly… how stupid do you have to be to screw with 26 million professionally-trained killers?
[alerted via an e-mail from One Happy Dog Speaks]
Topicless
I’ve been having trouble coming up with new stuff to blog about, and I think I figured out why: this politics fad has run its course. There have been so many blogs about politics with the right-wingers and crazy moonbats that I think everything that can be said has been said. When I came up to the final solution to political turmoil – punching liberals in their dumb monkey faces – I think that was the last original thought left on the subject of politics. Thus, it’s time to move on to another topic.
Now, I don’t know what else to blog about. A popular subject seems to be cats, but cats freak me out. They have those weird eyes just like gators and they sun themselves – just like gators! I’m always yelling at the cats, “STOP STARING AT ME!” But they don’t stop. They just walk towards me until I run away screaming.
I could blog about technology, but technology is complicated. Also, it usually involves electricity, which means there is an electrocution hazard. Frankly, I fear technology and want to smash it with a bat; I don’t know how great a blog that would make.
Other than politics, cats, and technology, are there any other blog topics to choose from? There might not be. Then what do I do? Blog about my daily life? That would be boring. I mean, the ninja attacks and shoot outs I get in each day are exciting, but they become lifeless when I try to transcribe the experience.
So what are some blogging topics?
In Frank’s World – More Fan Fiction
Morgnet has more Buck Wild at the UN. Part 2 – Bush consults the Oracle, while the Snowman learns his place; and part 3 – Buck gets the go signal. Pity the baby raccoon.
BrËves proves that the French ARE good for something – being strangled. Although I hope Rummy makes an exception for Woland, the guy at BrËves who wrote the piece.
Meanwhile, The Rumsfeld Strangler keeps us updated on blogging, interviews, pets, and his opinion of the movement to make English the national language.
If you’ve posted any In My World Fan Fiction on your blog, leave a link in the comments.
Genius in Ink and Paper
So, I know you’ve been waiting for books from IMAO and especially me, Frank J. I saw some of the books other bloggers put out, and not all of it was simply fancily packaged toilet paper. In fact, I liked the central thesis of one book so much, I combined it with my famous thesis. Thus, I present:
An Even Better Ending to 24
I liked the seaon finale for 24 last night, but I have a tweak that would have made the ending perfect: