So I’m just now watching this, because we had a dinner to go to last night. Hey look, there’s Anthony Federov in the audience. I liked him for a while.
Paula looks pretty. I wonder if she’s drunk. Y’all were all wondering the same thing when you watched it. UPDATE: Apparently they took away her happy pills. She seems normal.

IDOLS 01 AND 06… Not that it matters, since the voting is over. Anyway, last night the contestants sang two songs. One from the top 10 on Billboard charts right now, and one from their birth year. Elliott was born in 1978. Aww, he’s just a baby! He’s singing “On Broadway” first, and it’s kinda boring. He looks good, but the song seems out of sorts. Sounds good but almost like he’s off with the band. The end is really good, but the rest was kinda eh. I’m glad he has two songs. Randy: Started iffy, loved the rest, dawg. Paula: I can’t say anything negative unless Randy says it first. Simon: I’m glad you have two songs, not your best performance. Hey, maybe now that Kellie’s gone, Simon and i will be in sync on this thing again. UPDATE: I’m watching with Frank now, and this is way better than I remember it being when I watched it this morning. And I forgot to comment that I really liked this outfit. Jeans, brown jacket. I could do without the huge-knotted brown satin tie, but whatever.
IDOLS 02 AND 07… Not that it matters. Paris is next. Paris says her first song is gonna be “Prince Kiss”. I think she means Prince‘s “Kiss”, but since Prince ends in an “s” sound, she thinks that means there’s a silent apostrophe and no “s” at the end. Ugh, that is one of my biggest pet peeves ever. That, and someone not giving something the s after the apostrophe just because the word ends in an s. IF IT’S NOT PLURAL, IT GETS ANOTHER S, AND THE S IS PRONOUNCED! GOODNESS, TAKE 7TH GRADE GRAMMAR, WOULD YOU? Yet another reason we are soooo homeschooling our kids. Anyway, Paris says this isn’t a song that a lot of people could make a song, but she thinks she can, which sounds pretty arrogant if you ask me, but she probably doesn’t mean it the way I’m taking it. Anyway, she was born in 1988 and was a super-cute baby. LOL, she was a tomboy and her mama dressed her in frilly dresses. Poor Paris. She looks pretty. Oh, she thinks she wants to dance, which means she’s shaking the booty and the boobies. I could have done without that. Ok, the song. Boring and screechy, and had another one of Paris‘s signature “come on”s.. Randy: A’ight, yeah I liked it. Paula: You know I love you. Simon: Screechy and annoying. Ah. He’s back. I may start loving him again. Paris: I love all the opinions, thanks for saying I was screechy and annoying. Kellie left her fake humble pie behind, and Paris gobbled it up?
IDOLS 03 AND 08… Not that it matters. Chris was born in 1979. He’s just a baby! Oh wait, my husband’s his age. LOL, his kid pics are funny. Chris looks like he’s wearing the eyeliner again, and I think he’s wearing foundation on his bald head. He’s singing “Renegade” by Styx. I’m enjoying this. It was really great, the ending was great, and he looks great, and I was wrong about him wearing eyeliner. Good, so it wasn’t just a temporary lesson he learned. He should always wear black. BUT PLEASE, CHRIS, STOP COLORING YOUR EYEBROWS! IT’S CREEPY! Randy: You’re hot, dawg. Paula: Where’s Ted Kennedy? I’m not super-drunk, and I could use a hit from his flask! Simon: A million times better than the other 2, you picked a great song.
IDOLS 04 AND 09… Not that it matters. Ryan is asking Katharine about last week’s wardrobe malfunction. “I didn’t even know I lost a button, so I hope I didn’t offend anyone.” Ryan: “Everyone Tivod back and now knows that Katharine wears boxers. But you’re all strapped into this week’s dress?” She grabs her dress and says yeah, she’s good, she feels like she’s wearing a trash bag. She was born in LA in 1984. I was 8. Cute kiddie pics. She’s singing Phil Collins‘s “Against All Odds”. The first half is awful and “pitchy”, dawg. Second half is a little better but still mediocre. And I went back and watched it twice just to make sure. On second watch, the first half is not awful. It’s mediocre. 2nd half still mediocre. I hated the arrangement / “spin”, as they like to call it on this show, that Kat put on it. The dress when she stands up is good from far away. Close up, it looks like she put a belt over her boobs, a belt around her waist, and a belt around her knees, like she really didn’t want to fall out of it this week. I like the color, though (brown). Randy: You look amazing. Key is too low. He’s right about the key. Paula: Yes, you’re pretty. Randy said something negative, so I can say something negative too. It wasn’t my favorite. Simon is confusing: Last week I was wrong about you and apologized. This week the song got away from you. It was by far one of your best performances, but you have 2 songs, so you’re a lucky girl. Ryan asks if it’s a hard song to sing. Um, no, and Kat doesn’t lie. Simon clarifies: If I said it was one of your best, that’s not what I meant.
IDOLS 05 AND 10… Not that it matters. Taylor was born in 1976, which is a very good year to have been born. He’s not a baby! His kid pics are cute. Blonde, then brunette, then a headlight. He says he’s had more hair changes than Ryan Seacrest. He’s singing “Play That Funky Music” by Wild Cherry, and lemme just say that it’s impossible to not dance to this song. Ok, let’s talk about the outfit. Good disco-y shirt going on there. His jeans aren’t too tight, or if they are, the shirt covers them up. Good bootsbowling shoes(?), good hair. He’s back to Taylor-dancing, but it’s not awful wacky, it’s good dancing. The singing? It almost seems like his song is too low too. The repeat-back-to-me part is good but too low. The end is good but only because he lays down when he says “die” and starts singing on his back. I’m gonna give the dancing the thumbs up and the singing an eh. Not that great. Randy: You had a good time, it was wild, I felt like I was drinking out of Paula’s cup. Paula: Fun and you dressed good and you’re authentic Taylor (which is one of the dumbest things she’s ever said). Simon: Horrible wedding performance. I wouldn’t go with horrible, but it wasn’t great. Ryan and Taylor are now lying on the stage together, and Ryan is inching closer to Taylor and reading on his back. Ryan likes Taylor’s shirt. Weird.
2ND PERFORMANCE: We’re doing the Top 10 from any Billboard chart this week. LOL, I hope someone does “Bad Day”. That would be funny, because that person would be going home tomorrow night (because of the gist of the song). For the record, “Inside Your Heaven” is one of the worst and stupidest songs ever written and should never have been a #1 song. “I wanna see the place you cry from,” are you kidding me? I wanna see inside your tear ducts? So retarded.
IDOLS 01 AND 06… Elliott is taking on Michael Buble, which is incredibly brave. He’s singing “Home”. He’s wearing a suit and sitting on a stool with a mic stand. He should always wear a black suit with a pinstripe shirt. Pinstripes are perfect on him, I don’t know why. Ok, he sounds beautiful on this song, he’s doing a great job. Very understated, maybe a little too understated. I definitely would have voted for him at least 4 times last night, though. Elliott is trying to run away from the judges, which is funny. They’re laughing and having an emergency brake moment. Randy: Nice choice, baby. Paula: Rich, melting voice. Wanna go out sometime? Simon: Not the smartest lyric in the world. “I wanna go home” is not a good song to sing. It’s true, I can’t believe I didn’t catch it. Don’t sing about going home! Simon says not enough wow, which I think means too understated, just like I said. Anyway, Simon’s worried about him but he’s probably safe this week.
IDOLS 02 AND 07… Paris is singing “Be Without You” by Mary J. Blige. Oh goodness, let’s talk about Paris‘s outfit. Satin grey what. Not gauchos. Shorts? Culottes? Camo shirt. Red belt with a butterfly clasp. Egads, Paris. Anyway, her hair looks great tonight. The song. Boring until the very end where she went high and mighty and got really screechy and a teeny bit offkey. Randy: Risky taking on Mary, that’s her vibe. Pitchy here and there, but you did your thing. Paula: You’ve got it. I loved your voice but wanted your Paris spin on it. Simon: You’re wrong, Paula, she did good. SarahK: Meh, I didn’t love it. I barely liked it. And I can’t get over that horrendous outfit.
IDOLS 03 AND 08… Chris is singing Shinedown’s “I Dare You”. I haven’t heard the song, so I don’t know if this is his own spin or not, dawg. It’s great. He’s a star, I don’t care what anyone else says. Randy: Your voice is giving out, I don’t love the song. Paula: Song wasn’t my favorite, but I love ya. In other words, what Randy said. It’s always what Randy said. Simon: Whoopee (about Paula loving him). Sounds like you’re losing your voice, so you better watch yourself, but great first song so you’ll do fine. Ok, I’ma relisten, because I didn’t hear his voice giving out at all. On the relisten, I see that I really can’t get over the eyebrows. But the voice is just fine. I don’t hear it giving out, I just hear him going higher than his comfort zone, which is something you can hardly ever say for boring, safe Katharine. All I hear is Chris taking a risk and pushing his limits. That’s a bad thing? Chris is making excuses. We go all the time, I sang that song a lot today. Eh, just say you did a good job and quit making excuses.
IDOLS 04 AND 09… Kat is doing “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” by KT Tunstall? Never heard of it. And now I see why. Kat’s on the floor, doing the Kellie Pickler Knee Dance. She’s barefoot with turquoise toenails to match her top. This is possibly one of the dumbest and most ridiculous AI performances ever. The song sucks. Her singing of it is good, you can tell she spent most of her time practicing this one and little practicing the first song. She gets a little off with the band at times. She’s pushing her limits, so I have to give her props. But overall, I can’t stop rolling my eyes. Randy: Yo dawg, this show is wild, that’s the Katharine I love. Paula: I love the choreography, this was much better. Simon: This is a strange show. Taylor is lying down, you’re on your knees. I prefer it to the first song, it was younger, showed more personality. whatever Funny, Katharine giggles a lot, but she does the fake smile so much that I can’t actually believe she’s giggling for real. She’s giggling to get votes. I don’t like fake people, and her fakeness is sticking out so much more than her performances for me tonight. Except this performance, because it was so dumb. I’m gonna watch it a third time just to make sure. Yeah, I’m rolling my eyes again. It’s like this song tries to be the “Hand Jive” and just makes me want to never turn on the radio again. I’ll bet it’s the one I hum all day today, though, and eventually I’ll love the song and want to own it. HOWEVER. Currently, I can’t possibly tell you how much I hate this performance. It’s that bad. The faces she makes. Blech.
IDOLS 05 AND 10… Taylor is doing “Something” by the Beatles (it’s from the Pop Catalog chart, which I guess means that it’s top on the oldies stations?). Mmm. There’s that beautiful tenor voice. He’s wearing a suit, not Cap’n Tightpants. He’s making this very soulful, and I love it. No dancing either. This was great. Randy: Great song, nice tender moment, I like the Beatles vibe. Paula: Very daring to sing it, you were tender. Simon: It was clever to get a 30 year-old song into this show. I think with all your campiness, I sometimes forget what a good singer you are. Taylor: Woo! Soul Patrol!
In order overall vocally:
Chris
Elliott
Taylor
Katharine
Paris
I think bottom 2 will be Katharine and Paris. Paris is gone.
I haven’t read what other people wrote yet, but here’s more AI bloggage from Althouse, Tracey, Hudnall, Dean and the accidentally verbose Jay (darn you telling me what happened on House!).