Hello,
This is Dr. Duck. Here to help, love, nourish, and (hopefully) mock.
Anway, it’s that time of the week when you, dear IMAO readers, can ask me – Dr. R.W. Duck all of the questions that you need answered.
Family problems? Drinking problems? Family drinking problems? Promblems family drinking? Problems reading words in their correct order? I can help, or at least post an answer that might potentially help*
So go ahead and post that question. Love. Marriage. Career. Politics.
* Disclaimer. Odds of getting actual help one in 300,000 million. Please play responsibly. Dr. Duck does the work Americans refuse to do, thusly he should not be deported. Dr. Duck answers are copyrighted in the sense that no one in their right mind would dare to write what I write for fear of being institutionalized. Dr. Duck is a “doctor without borders ‘ in the sense that I live in Tijuana and come here whenever I feel like it. Fragile, handle with care. Please tear along the perforated line. Some contents may have settled during shipping.
In one of the immigration rally pictures, it says that if we deport them, they’ll take the burritos witht them. Does this mean Taco Bell will have to close?
Dear Dr. Duck:
1. Since you were hatched in the USA and therefore a citizen fowl, what would you do regarding your lawbreaking fellow Mexican if you were in charge of the ICE (Imm & Custom Enforcement)?
2. Why do I always have to go to the bathroom a lot and immediately after eating at Taco Bell?
3. Donald Duck is not wearing pants at all. I’m afraid to ask, but curious: do you wear pants at all? Please do not post picture.
Did you answer the last batch of questions? Did I miss it?
Dear Dr. duck,
tomorrow is my last final exam, after which I will be free to work all summer long!!!!! Other than spending more time at work than I want to, what else am I going to do during these long hot months some refer to as “summer”?
Also, if I were to say… attempt to take over the world, where would the best place to start? South America? Asia? Africa?????? Or should I just do a classic “become legitimate ruler of powerful nation and slowly expand personal powers ultimately leading to the destruction of democracy forever”? I am also curious if I could find some dark jedi to be my personal “goons” for this overthrow. Know where any are hiding that are in need of a soon to be world leader to command them?
I got bit by a spider last night and had a vision that Babylon was burning and was full of cockroaches. Where the hell is Babylon?
Dear Dr. Duck,
Why should we fear Namibia?
Dear Dr. Duck
Ever since my home was invaded by great numbers of wasps last year, I have been terrified of such wasps. Just hearing the sound of buzzing wings makes me shriek and flee. I can’t roll down my car windows in fear of a wasp entering. I’m sick of being a spheksophobic. Any idea how I can get past this?
why are you teasing us with threads promising to answer our questions, then leaving us high and dry?
what? were you planning to answer the last batch on may first, but contracted out the job to undocumented workers from canada?
Dr. Duck, I’m a bit concerned because I haven’t received my shipment of stolen Iraqi oil yet. It’s been nearly three months since the last shipment and they used to come regular as clockwork. Without my precious Iraqi oil, how will I bathe or drown puppies, schoolchildren and old people? Can you tell me if you have any idea why I haven’t gotten it yet? Are the good times over?
Is it normal that I can’t even muster up the curiosity to watch cBS news with Katrina Couric?
follow up question to ricky’s question: is it just me, or does the lady in the ad for conservativematch.com that displays on the right sidebar not look like mrs couric? if so, why is she screaming? and why would this make anyone want to risk using their service?
Dr. Duck, How long will it take for the convicts to gang rape Zacharias Moussaoui?
Also, if you don’t mind, if he dies in prison, what does he receive in heaven? A fat, hairy, trailer park reject with three teeth and one eyebrow?
Dear Dr. Duck, I was recently out clodhopping near the pond when I saw you and the V.P. waterfowl hunting.Suddenly Cheney shouted “duck”, and I dove for cover.What happened?
Dear Dr. Duck,
First, I’d like to thank you for answering my last query, even though it didn’t help me one bit.
My questions are:
1) The French and German club at the community college I attend hosts a luncheon at TGI Fridays at the end of every semester for all French and German students (don’t ask me why they share a club). At said luncheon, all out food is free, even if we were to order 2 main courses – as my classmate Reinhardt did today. However, we students must pay our own bar tabs. Question number 1 is, why can’t the Frog/Kraut club just take us to the corner pub, get us plastered, and forget the food?
2) I’ve heard before that the book “Atlas Shrugged” is very difficult to read, that it’s long and boring. I just bought it Monday, and I’ve been reading it in my spare time. I’ve gotten through about the first 150 pages, and I’ve not found it to be boring AT ALL. Question 2 is, does it get boring, or are the naysayers pinko commies who just don’t get it?
Dear Dr. Duck,
I live in Knoxville, TN, the same as the puppy blender. There’s been a large increase of illegal immigrants in recent years. Does Evil Glenn hire these illegals to blend his puppies? And if so would that explain the shortage of blenders and puppies?
This question is from my kids, and there is one follow-up.
Does God poop?
If so, what are meteors?
he;lp I hsave supergluedh myyt fimngers togetherfs asnd my backlspace key is breoken. itrs harrd to tyupe, whsat shoulds I dos?
Dr. Duck,
I was shot in the leg about a month ago and I didn’t think it was that bad. Heavy drinking and stuff like that kept the pain down. Now it is starting to worry me. It’s turning all green and is putting out quite the stench. Should I continue to drink heavily or do you recomend another form of action?
Two part question:
1)If there was ever a war between France and Canada, what would happen?
2)To what country would Canadian deserters go?
And, one more question, since they’re free this time:
Dr. Duck, when I go to a Chinese restaurant, there are always Chinese people working there. When I go for Indian food, there are always people from India working there. When I go to an Italian restaurant, there’s almost always Italians working there. Yet, I’ve never seen a Mexican working at Taco Bell. What does this mean?
Dear Dr. Duck,
I have a few questions.
1)My friend, Danny, has a girlfriend. His girlfriend recently got her hair cut in what we affectionately call a “not-so-feminine” style in order “to be different from other girls”. How does he lovingly express his discomfort and what he can he do (if anything) to change it? The second part of my question is: why does his girlfriend feel the need to be different instead of just being content with being loved?
2)What does IMAO stand for?
3) Seriously, what’s up with those French?
4)Liberals?
5)How are you?
Dear Dr. Duck:
The “Dear” isn’t meant in a gay way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just sayin’, is all.
Anyhow, the illegal aliens all say they are here to do jobs Americans won’t do. Americans are perfectly capable of gathering in the streets, looking stupid, and accomplishing nothing. The Democrats do it all the time. So, just what did the illegals think they managed to do on the Day Without Illegal Aliens (and how do we get 364 more?)
Dear Dr. Duck,
I live next door to a (legal) Mexican who has begun taking in (not-quite-legal) Hispanic renters. They play loud music late at night and smile (very widely) at me whenever they see me (usually when I’m taking out the trash in the morning). The code enforcement lady has begun to frequent our street-it may have something to do with the fact that they park beat-up cars in the back yard and have about 12 people under the same roof, but that’s just my hypothesis.
All this considered…
1. Does the baking-cookies-to-welcome-new-neighbors rule still apply here?
2. Am I in danger?