Q. What’s a chicken hawk? Is it like some sort of half-hawk, half-chicken?
A. Actually, it’s a hawk that eats chicken. And rats.
Q. Cool! What’s its wingspan?
A. 28-30 in. (male); 31-34 in. (female)
Q. The female is bigger.
A. Well don’t tell her that, or she’ll think you’re implying she’s fat and will peck your eyes out.
Q. So why do supporters of the war get called “chicken hawks” like its an insult?
A. Well, the short answer is some people are morons.
Q. What’s the long answer?
A. Back when man first started to learn to use tools, certain spears were made using…
Q. What’s the medium-length answer?
A. Many liberals, in their diminished mental capacities, like to have a word or phrase to shout over and over in lieu of the mental preparedness needed for an actual debate of issues. Fighting tyranny is a complicated issue, and, rather than admit they’re on the side of tyranny, many liberals will try to avoid debate altogether in any way possible.
Q. Liberals seem to use the phrase “chicken hawk” against people who aren’t in the military? Do liberals want a government where decisions are only made by those in the military?
A. No, they hate the military.
Q. But they say they support the troops!
A. And you can train a parrot to say the same thing. That doesn’t mean anything.
Q. So what would happen if someone in the military tried to debate them on the issues?
A. First, the liberal would try to find some way of discounting the military service so that the person is still, in their bloodshot eyes, a “chicken hawk” by their understanding. If unsuccessful, they will then find some other phrase to shout over and over, such as “baby-killer,” “you only joined the military because you were too and dumb and too poor for anything else,” or “you may have been in Iraq, but you still don’t know what you’re talking about because you don’t read twenty newspapers a day.”
Q. Who reads newspapers anymore? They’re gay.
A. You know that and I know that, but, as usual, liberals are behind the times.
Q. It doesn’t sound like there is any point in trying to debate anti-war liberals.
A. There really isn’t. The best idea is to carry a water bottle with you, and, when a liberal start shouting a repetitive phrase at you, spray him in the face. If timed properly, the liberal will associate annoying phrases with getting sprayed in the face with water and thus stop his bad behavior. This will take patience, as liberals are harder to train than dogs since they lack a natural sense of loyalty.
Q. In a documentary about prehistoric times, I learned about something called a “record player.” Apparently, sometimes a record player would “skip” and cause the same thing to be repeated over and over. The solution was to strike the record player really hard. Would this work against liberals?
A. I’ve recently been accused of “hostile” humor, so I’m not going to answer that other than to say, “Follow your heart.”
Q. Shouldn’t one who thinks we should be in war then join to fight in that war?
A. That seems like a retarded argument. You can be for putting out fires without being a fireman and be for arresting criminals without being a cop. The only ones who seem to be making the “if you support the war, you have to join the military” are liberals who hate the military. No one in the military I’ve known has made that argument. In fact, many have told me I should never even touch a gun.
Q. But you own plenty of guns.
A. This is America; the military can’t tell us civilians what to do. Only I tell me what to do… and my wife.
Mainly my wife.
Q. So what are the 101st Fighting Keyboardists?
A. They are a group of bloggers out to fight the war on the media front.
Q. Why would the media front be important?
A. Unfortunately, as hard as our military men and women fight, they can still lose by the American public turning against the conflict and convincing whiny politicians into pulling everyone out. That’s because we’ve still yet to learn the main lesson of the Vietnam War.
Q. Which is?
A. Don’t lose wars. Otherwise, people – especially the enemy – will declare any conflict “just like that other war America lost” and be certain America will pull out if enough pressure is put on the American people. This means much more fighting is needed to convince the enemy we are serious.
Q. But can bloggers really help?
A. Sure we can! We’ve forced the media to look into issues they’ve wanted to ignore in the past. In this conflict, the media tends to focus on the negative, much to the frustration of our troops who have been over there and seen what it’s really like. By highlighting the good on our blogs and giving the military general support, we can shame the media into giving fuller coverage of the entire conflict… as long as some girl doesn’t go missing in Aruba.
Q. But I thought the liberal-media had no shame?
A. Well, you got me there.
Q. So why use the chicken hawk as the symbol for the 101st Fighting Keyboardists?
A. Because the chicken hawk kills and devours chickens and rats, and the anti-war crowd is really just a bunch of chickens and rats whom we must kill and devour. I mean that symbolically, of course, as no cannibalism will be involved.
Q. I’m active duty in the military. Can I still be a member of the 101st Fighting Keyboardists?
A. Sure. As long as you can find time to report on what you’re doing, then you’re helping in the media war.
Q. Writing sounds hard. I just want to join the military and kill terrorists.
A. You sound as lazy as my brother, Joe foo’ the Marine. Fine, just kill terrorists, but remember that, if we can’t win the war in the media, you may be pulled out of there and not be able to kill terrorists anymore. And that would be a sorry thing.
Q. What happened to the 1st through 100th Fighting Keyboardists?
A. Saudi cyber-jihadists got them.
Q. This sounds scary.
A. It is! But we must persevere.
Q. I don’t like that gringo Bush because of his lax stance on illegal immigration and his spending. Can I still be a part of the 101st Fighting Keyboardists?
A. All you have to do is support the war… which does usually mean supporting the President in war issues. In foreign affairs, the President becomes a symbol of America.
Q. Is that why the liberals hate Bush so much?
A. It’s complicated. They are angry and need to hate something, so they project all they think is wrong onto Bush because it’s easier to direct one’s hatred at a person than an issue. They also like to pretend that anyone who supports the war must be mindlessly following Bush on everything because that keeps everything in line with their skewed world view.
Q. It’s kinda like when anything goes wrong, small minds just blame the Jews.
A. Exactly. Jews are fun to blame.
Q. Do the liberals want American troops to fail?
A. Pretty much. You can feel their barely restrained glee as the troop death toll goes to a number the find significant – usually a round number. They then use the death of our brave fighting men and women against the very things they fought and died for.
Q. They sound like ghouls.
A. Only if you go by the strict definition of what’s a ghoul.
Q. So are they against America?
A. Well, let’s look at the slogan of a group that says it believes you have to join the war if you are for it: Operation Yellow Elephant.
It’s their war. Why aren’t they fighting it?
As you see, they don’t consider the current war on terror and the fight of American troops to be their concern. It’s the war of “other people.”
But don’t question their patriotism.
Q. Why not?
A. I was being sarcastic. Go ahead and question it.
Q. How can you question what is not there?
A. I don’t have time to be philosophical.
Q. Okay! I’m in! I want to be a part of the 101st Fighting Keyboardist and help kill and devour the chickens out there! How do I sign up?
A. Captain Ed has the details. You can use the banner designed by Chief of Freedom Dogs, and I have a smaller version on my left sidebar.
Now keep your keyboard clean and battle ready.
Yeah, Jews are fun to blame… unti you are the Jew.
Wait. I am the Jew.
Crap.
Darn it, Laurence. It’s your fault! Heh, that was cathartic.
Hey, I clicked on that Yellow Elephants link, and they bring up a good point…we don’t have a fighting song yet…they gave us a suggestion, but I don’t like it much.
Since I’m new to the regiment (like everyone, I think) I’m not quite up to speed on my regimental history, but I think I’ve heard something about a song before…do we have one already? Can we get one if we don’t have one?
Ben
Private, 101’st FK
i am often mistaken for a jew because of my name and my big nose. can somebody blame me, too?
“liberals are behind the times.”
Heh heh. You mean, “liberals are behind The Times.” Heh heh.
I made a funny.
Only if you go by the strict definition of what’s a ghoul.
Great line. It’s funny because it’s true.
“. . . since they lack a natural sense of loyalty.” Nice one. If I was a liberal with any kind of moral value, I would take that as quite the dishonorable jab and demand satisfaction. But then again, if I was a liberal, I wouldn’t have any kind of moral value, so you probably won’t get any comments on that part of your post. It’ll just go over their heads.
aA is such a Jewish name.
the rest of SOUNDS really jewish…the front name that is; the last name only appears jewish to the unschooled (93% of the populace).
enuf of the name game, where is the blame i requested?!
Darn it, aA!!! It’s all your fault!
I want to vote on the fight song. How bout Laid To Rest by Lamb Of God? or 5 Minutes Alone by Pantera? Though, this is a Frantocracy, so I don’t know if we get to vote.
In addition to chickens, rats, mice, and various other rodents and vermin, the Chickenhawk will also sometimes devour a moonbat if other prey is scarce.
While moonbats have a very tender flesh – not tough at all – they are not preferred as prey because they tend to leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth.
//While moonbats have a very tender flesh – not tough at all – they are not preferred as prey because they tend to leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth//
That’s cause they are bitter, very very bitter.
http://shimaumas.blogspot.com/ is signed up.
Alright! Some idiot thinks calling me War Pimp is an insult. I’m almost as offended as if he had called me Chickenhawk, which is to say, I’m laughing at his stupidity.
Blank Person 2:55, you stole my thunder.
Shimauma, link’s not working. Removing the “s” from your name didn’t help.
Ben, I thought about it and came up with this.
“What’s a chicken hawk”
Oy! Kids today! Don’t they watch the old Foghorn Leghorn?
They’re just a bunch of loud mouthed schnucks.
Shimaumas Blogspot
Maybe this. I expound on the good qualities of Ol’Bay on chicken…well not really, but I DO like Ol’Bay.
Well word gets around in a cyber world town
They say Bush is a dangerous man
The Hawks are proud and we’ll stand our ground
Even if we’re on the losin’ end
New York folks whispered, Hollywood folks talked,
but when the chickens run out of insults to say
the Fighting Keyboards keep typing and become a shout
On Independence Day
CHORUS:
Let Keyboards ring,let the War Hawk sing
Let the Media world know that today is a
Day of reckoning
Let our voice be strong, show the left they’re wrong
push the lies away, let the guilty pay, it’s
Independence Day
(forgive me Martina McBride)
How About Annhilate The Corrupt by Demon Hunter?
If I had an active blog I would want to be the General Burnside of the 101st. I am rather large and some of my best childhood memories involve mud.
May I suggest a ready made song? Creed (please don’t kill me for my taste in music, I just like the lyrics and tune)
“Freedom Fighter”
The mouths of envious
Always find another door
While at the gates of paradise they beat us down some more
But our mission’s set in stone
‘Cause the writing’s on the wall
I’ll scream it from the mountain tops pride comes before the fall
So many thoughts to share
All this energy to give
Unlike those who hide the truth
I tell it like it is
If the truth will set you free
I feel sorry for your soul
Can’t you hear the ringing ’cause for you the bell tolls
[Chorus]
I’m just a freedom fighter
No remorse
Raging on in holy war
Soon there’ll come a day
When you’re face to face with
Face to face with me
Can’t you hear us coming?
People marching all around
Can’t you see we’re coming?
Close your eyes it’s over now
Can’t you hear us coming?
The fight has only just begun
Can’t you see we’re coming?
I’m just a freedom fighter
No remorse
Raging on in holy war
Soon there’ll come a day
When your face to face with me
Face to face with me
Just want to mention that there is another meaning for chicken hawk that seems to have been overlooked, unless this whole post is code:
A chicken hawk is slang for an older gay man who seeks out much younger men or boys for sex. A chicken hawk typically occupies some station which imbues him with power over potential subordinate “prey”, individuals of some lower status, for the purpose of sex.
Among your fellow chicken hawks is the entire membership of the North American Man-Boy Love Association, also known as NAMBLA.
Happy Hunting!
Pinkie B
I hear that “bareback riding” has a different meaning in San Francisco then it does in Lubbock Tx.
I bet if we scratch around enough we could find alternate meanings for “pinkie b” too.
Like this one, “A guy who owns the official NAMBLA dictionary of porn terms.”
I’m sure it differs from barn to barn in Lubbock.
May I make a few suggestions for the unit song for hte 101st.
This is a reword of the unit song for the 7th Air Cav:
Come on boys, grab your keyboards.
Come on boys, surf with me.
Give the cry of Iraqi Freedom.
Make your place in history.
Or maybe this rewrite of Men of Harlech:
Men of the Keyboardists stop your dreaming
Can’t you see their bull$hi+ steaming
See their hippies pot smoke streaming
To this battlefield.
Men of the Keyboardists stand yee steady
It cannot be ever said yee
For this battle were not ready
Stand and never yield.
From the blogs rebounding
Let this warcry sounding
Summon all to Americas call
The mighty force surrounding.
Men of the Keyboardists onto glory
This shall ever be your story
Keep these fighting words before yee
America will not yield!
I’ll work on more when I’m not so sleepy.
UZI4U
Those are great.
Post them on a newer thread.
People often mistake me for a Jew, but around here, Jews are wicked cool.
Dr. Mike: THANK YOU. I was starting to wonder if I was the only one who ever saw those old cartoons in which a three-inch-tall bird beat up a big, nonsensical blabbermouth who used confusing rhetoric to try to convince him that he was, in fact, a chicken and not a chickenhawk, but his parents raised him right, and he was not to be deterred.
You wingers have got a big, big problem: it is no longer cool to be a conservative. You’re not even funny any more. Yep, you’ve lost it. That ol’ charisma has flickered and gone out. Meanness just seems mean these days, not clever.
And the ol’ Brusho may be spending some time behind bars. A terrific idea, I think. He can learn a thing or two there about what it’s like to have your freedoms taken away (for cause, of course..).
But, you say, we neocons offer America so much! Let’s see. War. Expensive oil. The emasculation of welfare programs like Social Security. Insecure open ports. Health care that makes us a proud 26 among nations in longevity. The list goes on.
I love you guys. Really.
Gotta go take a nap now.