Presidente Fox looked at his TV screen. The news had just shown a segment on the millions of Mexican workers in California.
“In very little time, we can claim the entire California economy as our own. That means we will be the sixth largest economy in the world. Muy Bueno!”
Vicente’s assistant, Manuel, didn’t quite understand. “What does Moy Bono mean?”
“Doesn’t anybody around here speak Spanish?”
“I think some of the tourists. Anyway, you can’t claim the entire California economy, you have to average it mathematically with our own.”
“That is correct. So After factoring in California, where would we be?”
“Averaging in the California economy, we’d be 198th. Slightly behind Nigeria!”
“How can we catch up to those people? They’ve got those stupid You Can Feed This Boy For Just 20 Cents a Day Commercials running day and night?”
“Maybe we could ask for charity?”
Vicente picked up an old , stale hamburger and chucked it at Manuel. Mexico, in an attempt to become more hip, had tried to make it’s own hamburger recipe. The end result being maximum diarrhea and food poisoning. Millions of hamburgers were discarded to an undisclosed location .
“Manuel, Mexico does not ask for charity. Now get me President Bush on the phone, I need to demand more rights for our workers in America. I just complaint from a citizen saying he had to wait two weeks for his free hernia operation”
“I can’t. Our operators are all on strike in sympathy for the Mexican workers in America. Remember, today is the day when everyone is calling out sick in America.”
“Is there nobody here who can operate a simple switchboard?” Vicente asked.
“Well, we have Pepe the Mule. Pepe was a good phone operator until he started getting bored and he started making crank calls to foreign countries. Should I have him patch you through?”
“Immediatamente!!”
Manuel looked puzzled. “Huh?”
“Yes, estupido. YES. That means immediately! Curse that stupid Ingles Sin Barreras course. Now nobody in Mexico speaks English. Pretty soon we’ll have to take all of our government documents and translate them into foreign languages. Be this the end of our culture? I yearn to be among those who speak Spanish. I need a trip to Los Angeles.”
**
The phone rang in the oval office. “Mr President, this is going to sound strange, but I have a jackass on line 4 for you.”
President Bush laughed. “You tell Al Gore that I won this last election fair and square. Send him another box of chocolates. I love watching him get fat.”
“No, Mr. President. I mean, Pepe the Mule is calling from Mexico.”
President Bush picked up the phone. “Hi Pepe. I don’t know anything about Prince Albert in a can. And I certainly don’t know anything about us sending him to a foreign country to help us with our torture. What? Oh, yeah. Let me talk to Vinnie.”
“Mr. Bush, I demand that you allow more illegal Mexican immigrants into your country, and that you educated them, give them jobs, and free healthcare!!”
“But my base of loyal Republicans supporters will be upset with me!”
“Pretty, please?”
“You know I could never say no to you, Pepe!”
“It’s Vicente. Not Pepe.”
“Whatever.”
**
President Bush’s latest creation, the Tony Snow-maton stepped up the microphone to address the press corps. “We’ve called this press conference to address the serious concerns this nation has about securing our nation and keeping it safe. Any questions? How about you, Crypt Keeper?”
Helen Thomas answered, “I told you to stop calling me that! Anyway, what are you going to do about this horrible torture that is being inflicted on Arabs?”
“Torture?”
“Yes,” Helen continued. “I just stepped off of Air Force One and all they play on that is Fox News. I couldn’t stand their coverage of world events. For a minute there, I almost started rooting for America.”
“Helen, I understand all you’ve been through. As a special treat for what you folks have endured, we’ve prepared a special lunch. Mexican Hamburgers.”
**
President Bush turned on this TV. “I’ve done another great day of work. My poll numbers are sure to improve by now. What’s this? One of those Feed the Kiddies commercial.”
Announcer: This is Manuel. Manuel has nothing in this world but his little donkey Pepe. Please, won’t you help us feed Pepe? And Manuel, too? For just 26 cents a day, you too can make a difference in the lives….”