Attorney General Alberto Gonzales stormed into the Oval Office. “Those gringos in Congress keep trying to stop me from investigating them. When I came to search for more bribery evidence, they told me to ‘go eat some burritos.’ I think that might have been an ethnic slur, but I still took the suggestion.” Alberto took a bite from his burrito.
“Something is up with that Congress!” Bush declared. “Last time I visited them, I think I saw them forging my signature on bills.” Bush shot to his feet and knocked over his desk. “It’s time to break up whatever racket they have going.” He looked to Alberto. “First, I’ll need one of your burritos because I’m hungry.”
“Get your own.”
“Aww.”

Bush kicked open the doors to Congress. “Where are you, Denny? It’s time to talk.”
Dennis Hastert turned to face Bush. He was wearing a pimp hat, holding a pimp cane, and surrounded by hos. “What’s the matter, Dubya? Everything is cool here.”
“Then how come I heard that you’re selling drugs to the kids who come here on field trips?”
“What kid snitched on me?” Hastert demanded angrily as he shook his cane in the air. “Sounds like someone is in need of a pimp slap!”
“I know something is going on here!” Bush declared. “I want you to cooperate with the FBI!”
“There ain’t nothing to find here, so why don’t you get out of here before I put my foot up your ass.”
Bush rolled up his sleeves. “You’re pushing me, Hastert. Just look at my poll numbers; I ain’t got nothing to lose.”
Nancy Pelosi walked over and looked at Bush with disgust. “What does he want?”
“He thinks he needs to let the FBI investigate our offices,” Hastert explained.
“That’s silly,” Pelosi said. “That’s just the Executive Branch overreaching.”
“What do you have to hide?” Bush asked suspiciously. “Are you trying to keep the FBI from finding out you’re actually an evil sewer mutant?”
“I’ll feast upon your blood!” Pelosi shrieked and leapt at Bush, but Hastert held her back with his pimp cane.
“Dubya, why don’t you get out of here before we pass a bipartisan declaration saying that you’re a square,” Hastert said.
“But… but… I’m cool!”
Hastert adjusted his pimp hat. “Then let Congress do what Congress does.”
Bush hung his head. “Okay. I’ll go.”
“When you’re on your way out could you give this to a guy waiting on the corner?” Hastert handed something wrapped in tin foil to Bush.
“What is it?”
“Nothing… but don’t look in it.”

Bush dialed a number on the phone. “Hey, Laura! I need you to bail me out of prison again… I didn’t understand the charges; they said they’ll explain them to me in court tomorrow… Well, I don’t think I did anything wrong, but you stay away from Congress! You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy… That was from Star Wars; I’m so proud you recognized that… Is there anything else I need? Well– uh– tell Alberto to share his burritos!”