Thanks for proving that there is limitless humor in punching liberals in their dumb monkey faces. Anyhoo, SarahK and I are having a little vacation. We won’t be gone long, but, until we’re back, here’s a little question to discuss amongst yourselves:
What could Bush possibly say on Monday to get you to trust him on the issue of illegal immigration?
“I would just like to announce that I spoke with President Vicente Fox, and I then punched him in his dumb monkey face for not doing enough to control his own borders.”
“I would just like to announce that I spoke with President Vicente Fox, and I then punched him in his dumb monkey face for not doing enough to control his own borders.”
That might be a start.
Nuke Juarez! Get it over with. The rest of Mexico will get the point.
“I have decided to station half of the national guard on the border with orders to turn back all illegals. The rest of the guard will begin deporting illegals at 2:30pm this afternoon.”
but thats never going to happen. Too bad
Someone should get punched in their dumb monkey face instead.
Frank J.
You are going on vacation! I am happy for you — but sad that I and all the other FrankJoholics will be deprived of your political humor for who knows how long! 🙁
At least you left us with a classic Frank J. zinger!
Bush punching Vincente Fox in the face for not controlling his borders!
Brilliant!
The idea of any Mexican being punched in the face is funny.
But having our great Commander in Chief punch the President of Mexico in the face for insufficient control of the border!
That is comedy!
It is jokes like this which prove you are a comic genius!
Have a great vacation.
All us FrankJoholics will be waiting here with baited breath to read more of your brilliant political humor!
One of Frank J.’s biggest fans
Liberals are Monkey Faced
The funny thing is, I know Monkey Face is trying to attempt sarcasm, but I pretty much agree with all his comments I’ve read.
Ursine:
Why is everyone saying I am “attempting sarcasm.” That is just silly.
I am one of Frank J.’s biggest fans!
And of course you agree with all my comments!
Because they are comments reflecting the brilliant comic genius of Frank J.
Frank J. understands what is funny. For instance:
Punching Mexicans (or really most foreigners) is funny!
Punching the President of Mexico (or any foreign leader who is not behind our great Commander in Chief 100%) is hilarious!
See, my problem is I do not understand what Frank J. understands about comedy.
I would have made the joke about stabbing Mexican President with Samuari Sword (because Samuari Swords are cool, even if they are made by foreigners).
But that wouldn’t have been funny. Why?
I don’t know. That is while Frank J. is the comic genius — and I am just one of his biggest fans.
Best!
Liberals are Monkey Faced
Liberals Are Monkey Faced.
Unfortunately, Fox is behind Bush a hundred percent with his lax stand on borders.
Why do you think Bush has such a low approval rating among conservatives now? If you’re going to run my fan club, you have to be more up on current event and the mood of the public.
LAMF,
What can I say that’s not already been said about you? Well, you are right in one thing – the joking at IMAO can get repetitive on occasion. Still, the point of irony is to be quick and biting and leave it at that, not to be overdone and bland and keep mass-producing poking. I can only take so much of redundant sarcasm – not that that really matters, but it was serious work for me to read through all of your comments.
If you really want conservatives to be affected by your mockery of them, be consistently original.
Furthermore, allow comments without moderation on your “fan club.” And what does IMOA stand for?
It will be fun to read whatever nonsense it is that you respond to me with. It will probably involve “I am one of Frank J.’s biggest fans!” and “Best!” and “What do you mean, I’m a liberal?”
I should go into failed humorist therapy and prophecy.
How about this:
“I’m pleased to announce that Mexican President Vicente Fox and I have come to an agreement about the immigration problem that will be mutually benificial for both countries. Mexico is a great country, filled with great people, as well as great oil reserves. We have agreed that Mexiacan nationals will be allowed to cross over into our country and obtain work, as long as each immigrant brings with him or her ten 55-gallon barrels of oil. This will allow Mexico to resolve it’s surplus labor problem, allow America to continue to enjoy the benifits of low cost laborers to pick our beans (nod to Frank J.), while at the same time, lowering the overall price of gas for our people.”
How about…”I have just asigned Vice President Dick Cheney to the problem of ilegal immagration. He has just notified me that he is going on a short quail hunting trip in Baja before his duities begin….”
I am so embarrassed! Here the immortal Frank J. actually comments on one of my posts — and he tells what I wrote is wrong!
Ok, sorry, I will try and get a better handle on the mood of the public and current events.
Thanks for the heads up!
But now that I know you are actually reading some of my little posts, can I ask you a few quick questions?
I am a new fan, so if you could fill me in I really would appreciate it. And it will help me make your fan club that much better!
1) Which are cooler — Samauri Swords, Ninja Stars, or Guns?
2) Even though he is weak on immigration, Bush is still like the best President ever, right? Mission Accomplished, remember?
3) StarMonkey is kinda retarded, isn’t he? Not like drooling retarded, but can’t cross the street by himself retarded.
4) Do we want to punch liberals in their stupid monkey faces because their faces look like monkeys, because they are stupid, or because they are liberals?
5) Far be it from me to question your aesthetic sensibilities, but shouldn’t have found someone else to model your awesome t-shirts? They might sell a lot better if the model looked a little less — how shall we say — white trash?
Thanks!
And again, have a great vacation!
Liberals are Monkey Faced
Oooh.
Here comes the personal attacks. Next phase is cursing, I think, and then sexual references?. I knew you couldn’t hold it very long.
I think you just blew your cover, LAMF.
No wonder his “fan” website at http://frankjfanclubv3.blogspot.com/ has already disappeared.
If LAMF is a fan, I am Napoleon.
You think I blew my cover!
Man, you are smart!
Not as smart as “Here I was thinking you were being sarcastic, but I see now, since you’ve built a Frank J Fan site v3, you really do mean it.” Spacemonkey — but smart.
And yeah, the last post did go over the line.
But come on. Look at the photos.
You can almost taste the cheese whiz and smell the trailer carpeting!
Best Regards all you FrankJoholics!
Catch you on the flip side.
Oh, and by the way Frank J.
Ask a Ninja — http://www.askaninja.com — Funny
Jon Stewart — Funny
P.J. O’Rourke — Funny
You — Not so funny.
Stick with the Electrical Engineering!
Best!
A Monkey Faced Liberal You Want To Punch in the Face.
Well, that was asinine.
Mmm… insulting someone’s wife. That goes too far. If you weren’t actually a sensible man with standards and a sense of humor, Frank J., I’m sure you would want to beat the living daylights out of that guy.
Actually, you still might.
LAMF,
Real apologies end with a period, not a “but . . . ”
Spacemonkey was being doubly ironic by making fun of your sad attempt at irony when he said you “blew your cover,” since you really had no cover from the beginning. Now, I find it triply ironic that you think he was actually being stupid. If you were being quadruply ironic by making fun of what you thought was his attempt at sarcasm about your attempt at sarcasm by sarcastically saying that he was slow, then congratulations. You have won in a battle of wits that we ignorant conservatives can not understand. Otherwise, good riddance.
Actually, I’ve come to find, Frank J., that comments like the above toward trolls and the like are actually far more satisfying than any physical violence. It’s also less illegal.
Blue Square, have you ever actually beaten the crap out of a liberal? I find it more satisfying than words. True, it can be illegal, but in most places it is only a misdemeanor.
Oops, I forgot to answer the question.
“We have begun construction on the Great Wall Of America. A huge steel reinforced concrete barrier complete with machine gun turrets, close air support, and on the Mexican side of the wall, landmines.”
blue square,
I actually missed the wife insult; haven’t been reading his posts fully.
White trash? Oh, boohooo. I’m sure SarahK will cry herself to sleep over that one. What do I want? A french-looking model?
Aw, you guys are great. It’s good to see a few comments in a row without LAMF shoddiness interrupting the otherwise normally delightful opining that is IMAO commentary.
fmragtops, no, sadly. I do verbally use a hippie friend of mine every weekday, though.
Oh, and I think the most important thing of all that conservatives need to like Bush again is for Bush to pimp the IMAO blog. You know, just mention something like:
“and in concurrence with our friends at imao.us, we are going to be nuking the moon – that is, after we read the entire archives of imao.us, which might take a while, since imao.us provides a good 4-plus years of commentary on the world today, so bear with us. A great site, by the way, that imao.us. Heh, heh. So, in conclusion, one massive wall with lots of guns and close air support (I hereby endorse fmragtops for President in 2008) and visit imao.us and punch a monkey-faced liberal. Thank you, and may Frank bless America.”
Well Frank, that would almost be a dumb question if the state of our country weren’t so… well…. dumb.
Here is what Bush could say:
“I have read this thing called the Constitution. Wow that took alot of readin’. Anywho… it seems to say there in that there document that the federal government is obligated to protect the borders of this here United States of this here America. Well I’ll be God-damned. You mean it? Well I don’t know what Mexican my love child was a born to but Gawl dang if I am a readin’ this correctly; I better get to doin’ my job and send on down our military to stop the flood!!??”
ANYTHING other than completely securing the borders of this country is an exercise in stupidity and un-reality. Do I have to f***ing rub your faces in the ashes of the World Trade Center to get you people to realize that we are in a God-damned war for our lives and the lives of our dearest loved ones. I want one person on this site or any other blog to stand by me and my 72 year old Granny Brigade mother and say that enough is enough and NEVER again will we let the borders of this great country fall into disarray (sp) and neglect. Our elected officials have alot to answer for when a Rastafarian dread-locked African American is standing beside our great Minutemen and saying “NO” to accepted slavery in this country. Wake the HELL up and smell the real racism here. FRANKLY, you guys here on this site and everyone else needs to take action and raise your fists and YELL. When Don King and Alice Cooper vote for George Bush, like they did in the ’04 election, you know that this country is in a state of pure insanity. Thank God for Don King and Alice Cooper. Lets just keep on postin jokes all day long while real Americans are on the border protecting this country from the next 911. Does anyone here actually think that the enemy is some poor Mexican trying to help subsidize their governments failed economic and social policies?
If you think for one second that illegal alien workers are our problem then you can say “HI” to Dorthy and Toto for me. The southern border must be secured regardless of any ideological or social objection. We are in WW3 right now and every American needs to realize and actualize this fact. Since ’02 hundreds of thousands of illegal alien Middle-east “immigrants” have come across the southern border… 300k if my memory serves me correctly. THIS is why we have to secure the border… anyone that gets caught in the middle you can give my apologies to. Hell, they can send me a bill.
IF our borders including our harbors are not secure, you can count on another 911 that will make the first one look like a show in Vegas.
Oh yeah, and who in God’s name decided to let all these Mexican and South American immigrants just move to the front of the line? News flash assholes!: if they still get to stay in this country while they wait 10 years for citizenship, they are still cutting in line. Cutting in line by the way, in front of real persecuted people that deserve to come here. Can anyone say China?
To quote Ripley from “Aliens”: Have IQ’s just dropped sharply while I was away?”
Gawd! I hate idiots!
Retarded? High praise from a self-deluded ‘intellectual’ such as him/her. Heh, I just wanted the poor idiot to think someone was falling for that delightfully repetitive yet tiringly asinine attempt at trickery.
Worked too, apparently.
Well, buh-bye.
“Nuke Juarez! Get it over with.”
Yes, I was just kidding. Didn’t seem to get any takers, so there is some hope.
On the serious side we really do need to make some real progress in getting the Mexican immigration, work permit, and associated boarder issue straitened out.
I will remind certain other individuals that the Mexicans did not do 9/11 and we are not at war with them.
“I have authorized the construction of a new security fence along the US-Mexico border. Halliburton will build the fence, and they will report directly to my newly appointed Secretary of Homeland Security, Buck the Marine. Next month, when the fence is up (since Halliburton actually knows how to get things done), we will all come back and discuss what to do next.”
Cary from Houston
We’re talking about Mexican immigration and your bringing in to the argument the voting habits of Alice Cooper and Don King. Than on to the Ripley quote from Aliens.
My God that’s profound!
Actually, you have an intellectual clutter problem. Reading though all the junk in those paragraphs is a bit like visiting the dump. You need to get the dozer started up and move Alice Cooper, Don King, the Aliens, and your granny over to some other corner of your mind. What the Hell do they have to do with Mexican immigration.
“I’ve just appointed Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio Governor of the new American state of Old Mexico, guarateeing our borders will remain secure forever.”
“…oh yeah, I also just punched Former Mexican President Vicente Fox in his stupid monkey face.”
If Bush says this, I’d bet his approval rating will shoot to at least 70%
Wait a minute….
LAMF is really a monkey faced liberal?
Even though he swore he was not?
And worse yet, he is not really Frank J’s biggest fan?
Are all monkey faced liberals such %$#@ing liars?
Does this mean Bill Clinton really did have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky?
And he really knows what the meaning of “is” is?
Or that Operation Desert Fox wasn’t about Iraqi WMD’s?
Or John Kerry didn’t really have a plan?
Or Michael Moore isn’t a great film maker?
Or that Hollywood stars have any idea what they’re talking about?
I swear I’ll never believe another liberal again!
…%#@ing monkey faced liars!
Are we going to have to put up with this idiot LAMF every day now? This is the place I go to escape elitist, bigoted cowards like him.
Actually, now that I reread LAMF’s previous posts, it was obvious he was lying.
I mean, he thinks ninjas are cool!
All us ronin know ninjas have no honor!
And he kept talking about ‘Samurai Swords’ when we all know the proper term is Katana.
Honorable Ronin always keep their katanas nearby.
All you original Frank J fanclub members know what I’m talking about, don’t you?
Cheesecake.
Neo-andertal-
I was a taker on nuking juarez. I just think we should be a little more proactive than to limit nuking only one mexican border town.
LAMF-
Are you sure you’re not schmo?
Some of you Fighting Chickenhawks might remember schmo from a few months ago.
Not to disparage your support, LAMF, but your generic postings & responses are pretty transparant, like your fan club for FrankJ & him only. This IS a group blog, so why the facade for FRNAK? BTW, Frank does have a couple of acknowleged “fan sites” already.
I personally don’t mind if you & your comrades like to post here under whichever tags you list & giggle like young girls at us, but bear in mind: that makes all of you funnier to us than the usual stock of detractors.
Cheers!
“I am immediately commissioning the Minutemen as border patrol agents. Each of them will be armed with a grenade launcher and a shoulder fired missile. The current border patrol agents are being reassigned to do ‘the jobs that the white man won’t do’ since that is the reason all of these Mexicans have been told they are here. Any Mexican who makes it through the grenades, missiles and small arms fire will be assigned to the Clinton ‘plantation’ as farm workers, and be subjected to the music of Barbara Streisand for 24 hours a day. This should stop the flow of immigrants immediately. Any illegal aliens who refuse to return to their home country will report immediately to Ft. Jackson or Parris Island in our lovely state of South Carolina (which has a climate much like their home country, so the heat should not bother them). They will begin a four year mandatory stint in either the United States Army or United States Marine Corps. We will clothe and feed them as long as they are serving this country. Thank you for allowing me to introduce my new immigration policy.”
I for one am sorry to see LAMF go. It’s so much fun to have some one like that to beat around as representative of the left. Hopefully, he/she is still reading silently from the sidelines. As an aside, I use “he/she” not to be politically correct but because that is an actual gender on the left. Generally, one can refer to any leftist as a he/she without being inaccurate.
LAMF, if you are still out there, I noticed you chose to self-reinforce your stereotypes about conservatives by floating the “hitting Mexicans is funny” balloon.
You know what I think is funny? I think it’s funny that Planned Parenthood was started for the express purpose of aborting as many black babies as possible and you rank and file libs still support it out of stupidity and ignorance. That’s one reason sites like this exist. We who know the deal need a place to vent our frustration at your perpetuation of evil through the sheer force of your ignorance.
Oh yeah, all Bush needs to say is “We are building a wall that will extend the entire length of the border. It will be well maintained and well patrolled. All social services funded by the federal government in any proportion will require proof of citizenship. Those unable to provide such proof will be provided the applied for free service out of the considerable humanity and generosity of the American people. Immediately following the rendering of the free government service, the alien will be deported or confined in Sheriff Arpaio’s fenced desert compound. Finally, citizenship by birth in the US will require that one of the parents of the child be a US citizen. These steps will help limit the incentives to come here illegaly while facilitating the sorting of the wheat from the chaff. God bless the United States of America, the world’s best hope for freedom and prosperity…Oh yeah, and Michael Moore will be placed in stocks in front of the Washington Monument so that each citizen may have an opportunity to punch his dumb monkey face!…Huzzah!”
“After observing the May day demonstrations, it is apparent that many Mexicans have forgotten that we received the territory of what is now the southwest United States by kicking their asses in three separate conflicts. American and Texan forces were many times outnumbered 4 or 5 to one and we still beat them as easily as punching a liberal in his dumb monkey face.
To remind Mexico that their army can only beat the French or other Mexicans, we have assembled a crack troop of girl scouts who will now enforce our border and kick the collective asses of any Mexicans trying to enter the country illegally. They will then demonstrate American compassion by giving them a box of cookies and sending them home. Questions?”
I would take Bush seriously if he went on National TV and said, “If you’re here illegally, we have men in unmarked vans. They will find you, and send you back to your craphole nation, or some other craphole nation. It doesn’t really matter, so long as you’re not here anymore. If you’re thinking of crossing the border illegally, think again. I have the National guard deployed along the border with orders to shoot to kill.”
That sounds a bit extreme, but I figure that since Bush never actually does what he says, what that will really mean is, “we’ll actually make an effort to tighten border security slightly.”
If LAMF’s blog is missing now, does that mean he’ll finally go away? I hope so, but I won’t hold my breath. Ironically, LAMF is right with everything he says. It’s not only funny to punch stupid monkey faced liberals in their stupid monkey faces. It’s fun too. In fact, it should be mandatory for all US citizens to punch at least one stupid monkey faced liberal in their stupid monkey face everyday.
Now go away LAMF. Go away.
FIAR and everyone else who’s wondering, I’m pretty sure he’s gone, since his last post was the big shocker where he revealed himself as a “monkey-faced liberal you want to punch in the face.” Man, I never saw that one coming.
In fact, it should be mandatory for all US citizens to punch at least one stupid monkey faced liberal in their stupid monkey face everyday.
No fair. It’d be easier for liberals who can punch their own monkey face. Life has always been tougher for conservatives, though, so why change now?
Doom.
AlanABQ,
I remember you. You’re the guy that topped my 72 virgins joke!
“Heh… What if it turns out that the Arabic translation is incorrect & it turns out that it’s just one 72 year old virgin?”
I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my seat.
Also,
I always thought of Juarez as the bung hole of the Western Hemisphere. There’s only one thing to do with a burning itching bung hole like Juarez.
Preparation — H Bomb.
Feenicks,
Your right, LAMF can’t keep his Samurai customs straight. He is most dishonorable. Now that the new FrankJ fan site has gone down the toilet LAMF is thoroughly disgraced. If he is to restore his honor, he must choose his second and properly exit his worldly existence.
Darwin Awards com to mind, LAMF…
Back to the Bush speech, Monday…
Hell, Burn a Mexican flag on national Television…
Let’s be Bipartisan about it.
President Bush : “At this moment, the southern border is being sealed off by The National Guard. All illegal immigrants are required to leave within 30 days, or you will be treated like a dumb monkey faced liberal. If you exit the country within the required time-frame , you will be given a twenty doller bill and the opportunitry to kick LAMF in his huevos. God Bless America and IMAO.US
“It’d be easier for liberals who can punch their own monkey face.”
Blue Square, that’s the brilliance of the plan. They get punched twice. Once by themselves, and once by us.
Blue Square, sometimes the extra work is worth it.
what i would like to hear him say:
“My fellow Americans, time and time again illegal immigrants have shown that they can solve problems that Americans are unwilling to solve for themselves. So tonight i am turning to them once again. As of 6 am tomarrow we will be stocking the rio grande with 1000’s of illegal piranah from the amazon in hopes that the will do the job that american fish have not done. Now i would appreciate if you all would get out of here so I can see how Michael is going to get over the wall on Prison Break. Thank you and may God bless America.”
This, I’m afraid, isn’t going to be very funny. I’m not feeling very funny today; dating Silicon Valley women will do that to you.
My position, first of all, is that the failure of our country to enforce immigration laws for the past twenty-five years or so means that we have forfeited certain rights. When I was in law school, this was called laches and estoppel; undoubtedly, John Edwards has some more charming name for it. Therefore, I think that we no longer have the right to deport illegal aliens that are here. This is in accordance with a well-established principal in our legal tradition. I think that what we need is a plan to grant them legal status under some conditions, and I’m willing to admit that I don’t have a proposal for what those conditions are, except that they cannot be treated as well as those who have entered the country legally. I also believe that we must make becoming truly American a condition of citizenship, and possibly of permanent resident status. Once again, I don’t have a proposal for what being truly American means. I’m tempted to say that it means speaking English, but then the question is how well? My paternal grandparents didn’t speak very good English, but the definitely became as American as they possibly could have. We should also secure the borders immediately.
If President Bush put forward a proposal like this, I would respect him on the subject of immigration, legal and illegal. If he explained, in a principled fashion, what he disagreed with, I would respect him. Saying, “it’s not feasible” is not a principled explanation. We are the United States. “Infeasible” is not an American concept. It’s the sort of thing that Jimmy Carter would have said, back when some freak of the time-space continuum allowed him to occupy the White House while not really being President for four years.
“War was declared with mexico at 12:01 a.m. this morning. Our bombers, without ever leaving American airspace, dropped laser and sattelite guided munitions on strategic locations inside the Mexican interior, including the presidential palace, and Vincente Foxe’s mother’s house.
The previous speech was enough to make ya miss Reagan.
But he apparently has the ol’ boy upstairs ear. They sent Teddy a Mothers day wake up call this morning.
Kermit, yeah, something like “the bombing begins in five minutes…” would do. 😉
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! LAMF is a liberal?!!!? All this time I thought he was just an idiot. Now I actually feel sorry for the poor monkey-faced little twerp. It’s gotta be hard having a punched in monkey-face. Do you suppose there was ever a day in grade school when some girl didn’t knock him down and take his lunch money? …then punch in his monkey face… Poor masochistic monkey-face…
To Neo:
Well “Neo” what those guys have to do with all this is to show just what a state of disrepair our political system is in. Try to keep up, sorry if it was too “all over the place for you”. If our political system is in disrepair then there is no repair for the border. THAT is what, what I said, has to do with immigration. The Aliens statement was a quote of a sentiment… I only told you who said it because I did not make up the quote. So NO, Aliens has nothing to do with immigration. Don’t be silly. What does the Granny Brigade have to do with immigration? Well that is just a stupid question all together and only shows how disconnected you really are. I’ll never understand why it makes people feel like a big man to tear down someone else’s remarks on the internet. Hell what am I talking about, most of you cowards won’t even say your name. This is the last I will say about it Neo, so start sending your hate mail or hate posts or whatever it is you do. Have a nice day.
Hey Frank, maybe you could do an IMW and have Bush give the speech we really wanted to hear…