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PREVIOUS (PART 9)

Lulu opened the door and marched into the room. The others followed with Bryce taking up the rear. The room, lit by a single light bulb, was empty except for a table upon which sat a cylindrical device. When they approached it, out popped what resembled an eye. “I assume you are here for the job?” asked a highly synthesized voice.
Lulu folded her arms and stood up straight. “That we are, little robot thing.”
The eye seemed to scan the four of them. It creeped Doug out, as he always had a fear of robots. “I will require you to infiltrate a military research base in the land of Asmod and retrieve some data. The information on the facility is ready for your download.”
“Bryce, handle that,” Lulu sharply commanded.
Bryce took a handheld computer and connected a cable to the robot. After a couple of seconds, Bryce disconnected the cable and checked the screen. “The information is here. I also sent you our bank account information.”
“The initial ten percent has been transferred,” the robot replied. “Since we are done, I will self-destruct.”
“Then I guess we’ll be going.” Lulu smiled and then quickly led everyone out of the room.
Charlene shut the door behind them and looked at Bryce. “Ten percent?”
Bryce put his computer away. “For starting costs. The rest–” An explosion in the other room interrupted Bryce. “The rest we get upon completion.”
Charlene looked furious. “The rest of what?”
Bryce turned to Lulu. “You know how you said you wished you’d get mall certificates for all the battles you fight? Well, that’s sort of the arrangement we have… but instead of mall gift certificates, it’s untraceable cash deposits.”
Lulu eyes widened. “Which can even be used for a day at the spa!”
The next thing out of Lulu’s mouth was a yelp as Charlene yanked one of her pigtails. “He’s making us mercenaries, you twit!”
“Mercenary” seemed to be a pretty cool title to Doug, but he couldn’t help but be concerned about anything that was one of Bryce’s ideas. “Is this legal, or are we going to get executed for this?”
Bryce thought for a moment. “Those are really two different questions, Doug. The illegal things that people get executed for are things like speaking out against the government – subversive things. Being a murderous thug, on the other hand, rarely catches the eye of the government, because it’s of no threat to their hierarchy. Actually, all the governments, realizing that there will always be a certain criminal element to society, have put some regulations on it. So, to answer Doug’s question, we will be criminals, but I’ve done enough research to make sure our criminal activities follow the letter of the law so we don’t get in trouble.”
Doug, as usual, was confused, but so apparently were Charlene and Lulu. Charlene stopped trying to parse Bryce’s words to shout, “I’m not a mercenary! I fight for the honor of our divine Empress.”
Bryce rolled his eyes. “Yes, like the battle today where they tried to kill you off to fill a quota. Guess who is hiring us, by the way? Empress Proserpine’s own government… I think.” Charlene continued to scowl at him. “Anyway, because of treaties, the government needs to unofficially hire mercenaries to get the real work done. If you want to fight important battles with a meaningful purpose – money – then this is what you need to be doing to best serve Empress what’s-her-face.”
“I think this is a neat idea,” Lulu said, “especially if we won’t get executed for it. I think you’ll actually like this, Charlene, but if you want to be a part of my mercenary group, you have to be less bitchy.”
Charlene calmed a bit, but she still eyed Bryce suspiciously. “So why did you really put her in charge?”
Bryce hesitated to reply for a moment. “If you look at statistics, the most underrepresented group among criminals are Asian females, so having her in charge will give us a big advantage in getting contracts in the future.”
Charlene laughed. “So she’s just filling quotas.”
Lulu looked indignant. “I’m very good at filling quotas.”
“A diverse makeup really is important in getting government contracts,” Bryce explained, “and we have a good group here: half women and half minorities.” He pointed to Doug. “I’m not really sure what Doug is, but it looks like he’s something.”
“I really like nachos, so I think I might be Hispanic.” Doug started to notice the weight of the bags he was still carrying. “Are we going to go somewhere soon so I can set these down?”
“Sure, let’s get something to eat now so we can discuss this.” Bryce led them toward the exit.
“So, what will the Asmods do if they find out we’re stealing something from them?” Lulu asked.
“They’ll kill us, of course,” Charlene said.
“But the whole reason I want out of the military is I don’t want to be killed!”
Bryce opened the building’s front door for the ladies. “Don’t worry, tri-Lu; now we control the risks on these operations. We’re not just going to charge in shooting; instead, we’ll have a smart plan to get in and out with no one the wiser. Plus, we have that ten percent to help finance our plan. This will hardly be risky at all, I assure you.”
This actually seemed like a great idea to Doug. He figured he’d probably still just be carrying things for this plan, but he’d be carrying things on behalf of a secret mission!
“So how much is this ten percent?” Charlene asked as they headed down the street.
“It’s… well…”
Charlene scowled. “On second thought, I’d rather see the actual account than take your word for it.”
“Suddenly she’s concerned about the money.” Bryce chuckled until a number of bullets struck the wall next to him, just missing his head. “Oh, hell.”
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(NOTE: Frank J.’s hastily hacked together stories are in no way supported or condoned by Baen)

BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 8)

Doug looked at the sign marking the corner of Geist and Minton and then at the surroundings. It was night, and the area had few streetlights. What the lights did reveal – abandoned broken buildings and some shady characters loitering about – was not too assuring. “So is this like the worst part of town?”
Bryce adjusted his tie. “Pretty much.”
A bus stopped at the corner and out walked Lulu carrying a couple shopping bags, followed by Charlene who had her arms folded and a somber expression. “I bought some really cute things,” Lulu announced to Bryce and Doug cheerfully. “Nothing helps me get over death and dismemberment better than some good shopping. Charlene was a drag, though. Kept saying nothing looked good and didn’t even try anything on.”
Bryce nodded. “She was probably upset by today’s events, but, not wanting to consciously admit that, she’s now acting in a passive-aggressive manner.”
Charlene pointed a threatening finger at Bryce. “My aggression is never passive!” As the bus drove away, Charlene looked at her surroundings. “Where the hell are we?”
Lulu appeared scared by the locale. “I thought you guys were taking us to a restaurant, but I don’t see any restaurants here… and even if there were one, I don’t think I’d want to eat at it.”
“The dinner comes a little later,” Bryce said. “First, we have business to attend to.”
Lulu kept looking about cautiously. “Is the business that plan where you said I get to be in charge?”
Charlene marched up into Bryce’s face. “What plan?” She turned to Doug with burning eyes. “What did you get me into?”
Doug couldn’t help but shiver slightly. “I really thought we were just going to dinner! Honest!”
“I guess it’s time I tell the truth,” Bryce said. Doug immediately paid attention, as that phrase always preceded Bryce’s most elaborate and entertaining lies. “I’ve been tasked to assemble a team for an important secret mission. After seeing you two perform in battle, I’ve chosen you two ladies to be a part of this, Charlene Murphy and Lulu… um…”
“Liu.”
Bryce grimaced. “Your name is Lululu?”
Lulu glared at him. “No. It’s Lulu Liu. You better get that straight if I’m going to be in charge.”
Charlene laughed. “I don’t buy this for a second, and even if I did, you’re really putting Lulu in charge?”
Bryce kept a very serious expression. “While you’re quite skilled in combat, Ms. Murphy, Lulu has special leadership qualities.”
“I don’t just yell at everyone,” Lulu told Charlene, “and my solution to everything isn’t to execute someone by gunshot to the head as an example to others. That’s not how you make friends.”
“Leadership in war is not about making friends.” Charlene looked at the ominous buildings around her. “So why would we meet here?”
Bryce shrugged. “Why not here?”
A man in filthy clothes walked up to the four. He smiled with rotten teeth and then produced a knife. “Why don’t you hand over everything of value you have before I gut you all!”
Bryce pulled out his gun at pointed it at the thug. “Rock beats scissors. Now scram!”
The thug ran off. Charlene stared at Bryce and his gun. “Where did you get that? We’re not supposed to have weaponry when in civilian capacity!”
“I hit a goon with a pipe and we got some guns,” Doug said proudly.
“Did you kill him?” Lulu asked.
Doug hadn’t even considered that possibility and thus became quite worried. “I dunno!”
Charlene let out something between a yell and a growl. “What did I get myself into? Who even are you two?”
Bryce put away his gun and smiled. “I’m Bryce Worthington, an entrepreneur of sorts. My associate here is… well… Doug.”
“Doug Na,” Charlene said. “I checked his military file.” She looked at Doug. “What kind of name is that?”
“My last name isn’t really Na. I don’t have a last name, so that’s what they told me to put in the space for a last name on the form.”
Charlene thought for a moment. “Oh, ‘N/A’.”
“Yeah, that’s how they told me it was spelled.”
Charlene turned to Lulu. “So we’re dealing with some sort of arrogant swindler and a moron who supposedly have some ‘secret mission’ for us.”
Lulu giggled. “And I’m in charge. Isn’t that cool?”
“About that.” Bryce looked Lulu over. “The mini-skirt and bunny t-shirt might not convey the sense of leadership we need.”
Lulu frowned. “But they’re cute.”
“That they are, but cute isn’t what we’re going for.”
Lulu set down her shopping bags and stood on her tiptoes to be face to face with Bryce. “Well, maybe I’m such a strong leader that I even command authority while looking cute.”
“Okay… but can we do something about the pigtails?”
Lulu shook her fist in Bryce’s face and snarled, “Why don’t you worry about yourself instead of my hairstyle.” She put her hand down and giggled. “See, I can even be threatening if I need to.”
Doug didn’t think she was successfully threatening, but she was better at it than Shannon.
Charlene, on the other hand, looked quite threatening without even trying, and Doug thought she’d make an excellent goon. “This is beyond moronic. Lulu, let’s get out of here.” Charlene turned to leave.
Bryce ran in front of Charlene. “At least stay for the mission briefing. That will remove all doubts.”
Lulu looked excited. “A secret mission briefing could be fun… plus Bryce still owes me dinner.”
Charlene rolled her eyes. “Fine. Maybe I can beat up the next mugger as training so this whole night isn’t a waste.”
“Follow me, then. Doug, carry Lulu’s things.” Bryce led them down the street as Doug carried now both Bryce’s and Lulu’s bags.
Charlene turned to Doug. “How do you not have a last name?”
“I never knew my parents, and the orphanage never gave me a last name.”
“Barely gave him a first,” Bryce added.
“And how did you get involved with this con artist?” Charlene pointed at Bryce, who ignored her.
“We grew up in the orphanage together. We’ve been best friends since forever.”
“Associates,” Bryce corrected. He led them into what appeared to be just one of many abandoned buildings. Doug began to wonder how much of this “mission” Bryce really knew about and how much he was about to discover along with them. Doug got a partial answer when Bryce came to a door and stopped, his hand hovering over the doorknob with some hesitance.
Bryce looked at Lulu. “Well, you’re the leader, so… lead away.”
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Help Save Science Fiction at Jim Baen’s Universe!
(NOTE: Frank J.’s hastily hacked together stories are in no way supported or condoned by Baen)