American Domestic Shorthair Idol

I have been warned not to liveblog Meow Mix House here under threat of severe beating. Not only would this be painful, but it would get Spacemonkey jealous because he’s in charge of the getting beaten department here at IMAO. (He has a Masters of Don’t Hurt Me! Not In The Face! Not In The Face! from Stanford, you know.)

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Zarqawi’s Last Words

Zarqawi lived for 52 minutes after U.S. troops got to him. There are lots of rumors about what his last words are, so here are the…
TOP TEN POSSIBLE LAST WORDS OF ABU MUSAB AL-ZARQAWI
10. “So how big was that bomb you dropped on me? I was thinking at least 500 pounds; am I right?”
9. “If you don’t do what I think you’re going to do with that bacon, I’ll give you each three of my virgins.”
8. “Aiee! You’re standing on my groin!”
7. “To be honest, I never actually finished reading the Koran. How did it end?”
6. “I’ll never tell you where the last canister of centox gas is, Jack Bauer!”
5. “Dude! Where’ my leg?”
4. “My biggest regret is that I won’t get to see Brad Pitt’s and Angelina Jolie’s child grow up.”
3. “I should have listened to my horoscope’s warning that ‘Big things are coming today.'”
2. “Tell my goat I love her.”
And the number one possible last words of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi…

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Time to Finally Pull Out My Manatee Gun

“Florida takes manatee off endangered list”

Zarqawi’s Death Is Merely a Distraction from the Fact that We Have Yet to Capture and Kill Kofi Annan
An Editorial by Frank J.

 There is much celebration just because we dropped a bomb on the insignificant terrorist Zarqawi. Are we really safer, though? Can we now walk the streets at night without a care? Can we ride a bobcat with a saddle on it without fear of being mauled? No. Zarqawi’s death changes nothing, because the real evil mastermind is still out there plotting against America and issuing statements against us and Israel with impunity as our government does nothing to stop him. Well, I won’t cheer because one goofball terrorist is pig-feed; I will only feel safer when Kofi Annan is finally dead.

“After the panic comes the resolve – the resolve to hunt and kill Kofi Annan.”

 Kofi Annan is, as I type, actively working to overthrow America. He heads a large international organization – known only by its initials “U.N.” – of likeminded thugs. They debate how to destroy us and our ally Israel, releasing videotapes of their vicious statement against us with impunity. Why can’t we find them and stop them? Is there even a search for their headquarters? No. I suspect politics has something to do with it. Al Qaeda is the hot topic now, and I suspect many fear the “U.N.” and its mastermind Kofi Annan. Maybe, some even sympathize with this criminal organization. I’ve heard rumors from respected sources that, during this War on Terror, Kofi Annan has even been able to infiltrate American soil, giving speeches and making recruits right under our noses!

 Did you know these enemies of America and democracy even have their own military, and it only will grow until we finally make some effort against them? Also, they have cells in hundreds of countries – including, if rumors are true – a huge base of operations in the U.S. Are you scared? I know I am. This is far more than a few suicide bombings we have to worry about; these people could seriously undermine America’s power abroad. Maybe that’s why we don’t have a public campaign against them; the government fears it could panic the average American if it publicized these facts. Well, Mr. President, I think it’s time we do panic. The panic is unavoidable, but after the panic comes the resolve – the resolve to hunt and kill Kofi Annan.

 Will the death of Kofi Annan mean the destruction of the “U.N.”? No, but it will demoralize his followers if he is killed and we show proof of his death. I bet many people would leave the organization out of fear when they know America is fully committed to destroy it. Then we can start to destroy “U.N.” cells in other countries. And, if rumors are true of an American headquarters, we should be able to find and destroy that, helping American sleep in peace at night.

 There is no time to waste, though. The “U.N.” and the vile Kofi Annan want to undermine us and our allies. They think they can destroy us and will move towards that goal. We must destroy them first, paving the way for peace so we can ride the bobcat of security into the horizon of our future.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “A Frank Guide to Foreigners and Their Evil” and “Ride the Cat”.

IMAO – What Does It Mean?

Okay, I’m officially tired of getting asked what IMAO means. It’s been kind of a running joke that I never admit to it, but all the e-mails are getting a little tiresome to answer. More importantly, I’ve heard from Doug at ThoseShirts.com that some poeple are hesitant to buy my designs not knowing what IMAO means. Running jokes are great at all… until they cost me money.
So, I’m going to announce the official answer – probably in the newsletter first – and then add a page with it. Yeah, it won’t be the most amazing thing when it’s “revealed,” but it’s a big change in IMAO policy.
BTW, Harvey now has some designs in the IMAO Store. They should appeal to people who don’t like terrorists. If you don’t like terrorists, check them out.