Hours later, know who’s still not indicted?
Archive of entries posted on 13th June 2006
Global Warming Causes Cannibalism!
Scientists have found that increased temperature is turning polar bears into cannibals! I haven’t seen Al Gore’s movie (the scariest movie ever), but did even he warn about how global warming will lead to cannibalism?
I wonder at what temperature can we expect people to start turning into flesh eating zombies? I’m guessing 103 degrees Fahrenheit (though I’m not sure what humidity). Anyway, if you weren’t scared about global warming before, then be scared now. And, if you already were scared, be super scared now.
And watch your back before you get eaten!
The wheels on the chair go round and round… round and round…
Okay, so Stephen Hawking is getting all doom-and-gloom over a massive disaster wiping out the human race if it doesn’t expand beyond the earth.
Blah blah blah. Al Gore on ALS. (ALS Gore?) Whine whine whine. Tell it to NASA, Mr. Smarty Depends!
But that’s not the real news here, folks…
Hawking said he’s teaming up with his daughter to write a children’s book about the universe, aimed at the same age range as the Harry Potter books.
“It is a story for children, which explains the wonders of the universe,” his daughter, Lucy, added.
They didn’t provide other details.
Nobody likes a secret, Stephen. I’m going to reveal the other details:
Continue reading ‘The wheels on the chair go round and round… round and round…’ »
Fun Trivia
With Fitzmas a bust while a Kennedy pleads guilty, what’s officially fun again?
Kennedy
Q: What’s the problem with the headline “Kennedy Pleads Guilty To DUI” released by the AP?
Rove Is Unindicted and Out for Our Blood!
You may think, “How does Karl Rove not being indicted affect me?”
FOOL! IT AFFECTS YOU GREATLY!
IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT KARL ROVE NOT BEING INDICTED:
* No indictments for Rove means MORE INDICTMENTS LEFT TO USE AGAINST YOU!
* If tinfoil-hat moonbats are right (and when aren’t they), Rove probably avoided indictment by TESTIFYING AGAINST DICK CHENEY. How will Cheney react? THINK SHOTGUN AND FACES! Why do you think Bush suddenly FLED TO THE SAFETY OF BAGHDAD?
* This is all just evidence that this whole thing was but a plot by Rove to distract us. Have you ever seen Patrick Fitzgerald and Karl Rove in the same room together? No, you have not! That’s because PATRICK FITZGERALD IS KARL ROVE IN DISGUISE!
* And what was Rove trying to distract us from? Could it be a plot to steal our blood? In fact, IT COULD BE NOTHING ELSE!
* If Rove got away with this, what’s to stop him from outing all of our wives as secret agents? NOTHING!
* And what about Joe Wilson? Look at the pictures of Zarqawi carefully; doesn’t he look fake? KARL ROVE DRESSED UP JOE WILSON AS ZARQAWI AND HAD THE AIRFORCE BOMB HIM! Just further evidence that Zarqawi never really existed and was INVENTED BY THE WHITEHOUSE TO EVENTUALLY LEAD US INTO AN ILLEGAL WAR WITH LICHTENSTEIN!
* And, with his newfound unindictedness, what’s to keep Rove from walking up and punching you in the crotch with impunity? ONLY HIS TIGHT SCHEDULE WHICH LEAVES LITTLE TIME FOR RANDOM CROTCH PUNCHING!
* Did you just think you saw movement out of the corner of your eye? IT WAS ROVE! Now that he is unindicted, NO POWER IN THE ‘VERSE CAN STOP HIM!
* I’m now so scared, I PEED MY PANTS! That’s lucky, because ROVE HAS NO USE FOR URINE SOAKED PANTS! Rove will steal your pants UNLESS YOU PEE THEM NOW!
* Finally, and most importantly… AIEEE! IT’S ROVE! AND HE HAS PIANO WIRE! I must ausj;d mcvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Fun Trivia
Rove Indicted!
…for being dead sexy!
Seriously though, Patrick Fitzgerald announced that Rove will not be indicted for the CIA leak case. For those of you who like that German word that means enjoying the pain of others (I ain’t going to try and spell it) here are the DUmmies crying and wondering who stole Fitzmas (as with all Democratic Underground links, there is a language warning – both for vulgarity and psychotic delusions).
Progress – Slow, But Steady
(click to enlarge)
Things the Iraqis are starting to getting the hang of: Human Rights, Freedom, Democracy
Things the Iraqis aren’t getting at all: sun-loving beachwear
[Real story at CENTCOM]