“Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki!”
Nuri jumped from his desk. “What? Who is it?” He saw the smiling face of President Bush. “What are you doing here in Baghdad?”
“I came to support your burgeoning democracy!”
“Oh. Well, I guess you can…”
Bush picked up a knife. “What’s this?”
“That’s my letter opener! Be care…”
Bush swung it around and cut a hole in the wall. “Whoops. I’ll put it down.”
“Good because…”
Bush picked up something else. “What’s this?”
“That’s an expensive vase! Be very…”
The vase fell and shattered on the floor. “Uh-oh; I done broke it.”
Nuri tried to keep his fists from clenching. “That’s okay. Just don’t…”
“What’s this?”
“That’s my ‘World’s Best Prime Minister Mug.’ Hand it over!” Nuri reach to grab it, but Bush accidentally tilted it over, pouring scalding hot coffee onto Nuri’s groin. “Aieee! You idiot! Stop touching things!”
Bush hung is head. “I just came to support your democracy and you yelled at me.”
“I’m sorry. Why don’t you go sit over by the window and quietly support democracy while I get a towel.”
“Okay.” Bush sat down. He looked out the window. “Oh no! I see someone… and I think he’s an Arab. He might even be a Muslim! He could be here to attack us!” He paused for a moment as he watched. “There’s a whole army of them out on the Baghdad streets!”
“Idiot!” Nuri shouted, “Most of the population is…” Nuri paused and thought for a moment. “Hey, they might be suicide bombers. You better go stand out front of the building and check on them.”
“I’ll check on them good!” Bush ran out of the office.
Nuri found a towel in a cabinet. “Idiot. Ah, but I dream of the day our democracy will be so strong that we can elect someone as dumb as him.”

As Bush got out onto the street, he spotted a Marine. “Is that you, Buck?”
“Yes, Mr. President sir. It is I, Buck – Buck the Marine, that is. I have some time off, so I thought I’d spend it in Baghdad where I get shot at less than my usual locations.”
“Well, I’m looking for Muslim terrorists, so you can help me.”
“Yes, sir. I must warn you, though, the commanders have gotten really pissy about us killing civilians, so we have to be careful.”
“I’ll be careful.” Bush watched the crowd of people in front of them. “We need to check out these people to see if they are terrorists. A lot of there people look Arab… but I sometime get them confused with Latinos. If they’re Latino, don’t question them too much because I don’t want to hurt the Latino vote by exposing illegal aliens. But, whatever you do, don’t call it ‘amnesty.'”
Buck furrowed his brow. “Uh… I don’t think there are many Latinos here… outside of U.S. forces, that is.”
“Don’t ask don’t tell.” Bush spotted one man walking by. “Grab him!”
Buck grabbed the Iraqi and put him in a headlock.
“Who are you?” Bush demanded.
“I am but a simple apple vendor.”
“Buck! Check him for bombs to see if he’s a terrorist. If he is, beat him up!”
Buck patted down the Iraqi. “He’s clean.”
“Then check his voter registration card to see if he’s a Democrat. If he is, beat him up!”
Buck let the man go. “I don’t think there are Democrats in Iraq.”
“Really? Then we’re making more progress than I thought.” Bush’s cell phone rang, and he pulled it out of his pocket. “You’re speaking to the most powerful man in the world… Hey, Snowman… Good economic news? Oh no! Make sure the press doesn’t find out about it… Because they always spin it to make it sound bad, stupid. By the way, did you hear how I’m in Baghdad? …Really? It made the papers? I can’t believe I made the newspapers again. Make sure to cut out any article in any paper that mentions me so I can see… I don’t care if it takes all day. Do it!” Bush hung up and looked to Buck. “That was Tony Snow. His job is to make sure the press knows I’m smart and in charge. He was on FOX News.”
“I like FOX News.”
“Me too!”
A man ran up to Bush and Buck. He pulled open his coat revealing a bomb strapped to him. In his right hand he held a detonator. “When I heard you were here, I rushed over to kill you! I will be the greatest martyr ever!”
“Oh no! A human bomb!” Bush shouted. “I don’t know how to defuse those.”
“I do.” Buck pulled out a .45 and shot the terrorist in the head. The terrorist fell dead to the dusty street.
“Yay!” Bush exclaimed. “We defeated terrorism thanks to my leadership!”
Some American press rushed to the scene. “Due to Bush’s low approval rating, people are now trying to blow him up.” The reporter looked to Bush. “I notice your lack body armor. Is this because you aren’t properly funding our civilian-murdering troops?”
“The armor was bulky and I didn’t want to wear it. You can’t tell me what to wear!” Bush punched the reporter, knocking him to ground and started kicking him. “I only wear what I want, so you shut up!” After a minute, he stopped and turned to Buck. “I can only kick a reporter for so long before I get bored. Want to go find Zarqawi’s body and wander the streets with him pretending he’s alive like on Weekend at Bernie’s?”
Buck shrugged his shoulders. “I’m on leave; why not.”