(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
A Marine wrote a song called “Hadji Girl” (video here, lyrics here) that was described as “contrary to the high standards expected of all Marines” by Marine Major Gabrielle Chapin.
Since Marines aren’t known for their sensitivity, I have to assume that the objection was that it didn’t have enough brutal terrorist-killin’. So to show my support for the Marines, I wrote a sprightly little ditty that’s – hopefully – a little less respectful of bloodthirsty Islamofascists.
CONTENT WARNING: contains censored profanity, violent imagery, disrespectful references to terrorist sexual preferences, and other assorted not-very-niceness, so it’s in the extended entry…
MARINES ARE FOR KILLIN’ TERRORISTS
Riding through Iraq across the burning sand
Grenades in my pocket and my rifle in my hand
Looking for terrorists wearing New Balance shoes
Gonna kill those camel-humpers, start spreadin’ the news
CHORUS:
The Marines are in town – gonna blow you up
The Marines are in town – leave you all f*ed up
The Marines are in town – just ain’t your day
‘Cuz the Marines are in town and we’ll blow you away
Got my RPG and my M16
I’m the baddest jar head that you’ve ever seen
I’ll take my bayonet and I’ll cut you in half
Then like Lyndie England I’ll just point and laugh
[CHORUS]
Why don’t you act civil like your friends the French?
Surrender this game and go sit on the bench
Go home sucker, before I make you dead
‘Cuz you can’t terrorize with a bullet in your head
[CHORUS]
Gonna bring freedom to this backwards land
Leave aholes like you face down in the sand
I’ll leave you for dead, lying on the berm
‘Cuz the buzzard’s gotta eat, just the same as the worm
(Final Chorus)
The Marines are in town – time to say good-bye
The Marines are in town – and your gonna die
The Marines are in town – shoulda stayed in bed
You f***ed with the Marines, now you’re gonna be dead.
I figure Major Chapin would be ok with this one, since it doesn’t use the word “Hadji”.
By the way, I didn’t have any particular song running through my head during this one, so if you notice a tune that fits it, please let me know.
What can I say, it warmed my heart, Harvey.
(First?)
Catchy!
Yay, first. in such a hurry, even forgot to write my name.
When are you going to post the liner notes?
I’d say “Blame it on the Rain,” but only cuz we got 10″ of that stuff here in the Glass City.
For some reason, when I read it I heard “The Boys are Back in Town.” Maybe it’s just me though…
If you sing as bad as Connie Chung then you can twist it to the Eagles tune of Desparado.
I think it works to (Ghost) Riders in the Sky…sort of.
Maybe to the tune of “These boots are made for walking”?
Sorta.
I’m just sayin’…
;0)
Don’t forget the ancient Marine kill’n song:
http://www.imao.us/archives/000765.html
“It’s Raining Men”? Oh wait, that’s Monkey Faced Liberal’s theme song.
How about “Number One Spot” – as in splattered into a spot on the landscape? I envision this as a rap song. Although it could be a Linkin Park-type song, but with the verses sung and the chorus rapped.
Actually, I did have sort of a rap beat goin in my head while I was writing this.
The great thing about rap is that meter gets thrown out the window, and the rhymes can be as weak as a 3-bean cup of coffee.
As I started reading it it came out like the Beverly Hillbillies, kinda.
For some reason, most of my songs tend to either come out like Beverly Hillbillies or Devil Went Down to Georgia.
Apparently I have a thing for banjo music and/or white-boy country-rap
It perfectly fits the tune of “Yellow Rose of Texas”, as does everything Emily Dickinson ever wrote. Wait – are you really Emily Dickinson?
SHHHHHH!
Not so loud! 😉
It fits very well with the standard military running cadence.
I once took my brother, who was a Ranger on leave home at the time, to a movie along with a female friend of mine. He leaned over as the movie started and asked me if I’d had sex with her. I said not yet, and he replied, “I’d pop her eyes out and skull-f**k her twice before the previews were over, she’s so good-looking.” And later he said the Marines were the rude ones!