Fun Facts About Minnesota

The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I’m going to forge ahead – hopefully on a weekly schedule.
Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I’ll pick & choose my favorite items to record.
(continued in extended entry)

Continue reading ‘Fun Facts About Minnesota’ »

how nice for me

Any of you looking for me at mountaineer musings will not currently find me. Even though Hosting Matters billed me for the annual renewal of both mountaineermusings.com and sarahk.us, and the bills were charged to my credit card successfully (per their payment processed email), both of my domains have expired. Maybe I’ll be up later today, as I’m about to pitch a fit.
UPDATE: I got a little testy with billing (my blog was disappeared, it’s hard to be nice), but then I did the smart thing and emailed Stacy, who always gets stuff done. 5 minutes after I emailed her, I was back up. So please, visit me!

$10 Million Insta-Dollars

(A Filthy Lie)
In a recent Instapundit post, Glenn Reynolds mused thusly:

THE GLENN AND HELEN SHOW has been downloaded over 10 million times now. If we got just a dollar per download….

Which made me wonder… why would Glenn need $10 million?
I think the answer is fairly obvious… (see extended entry)

Continue reading ‘$10 Million Insta-Dollars’ »

Terrorist Killin’ Song – Recorded Live

Andrew of Custos Honor slapped on his bling & his baggy pants and took a white-boy-rap stab at recording my song, “Marines Are For Killin’ Terrorists“.
Truth be told, this is about a 90% accurate version of how it sounded in my head while I was writing it.
Just needs 10% more disaffected urban youth-itude and a DJ doing scratch in the background.
(Warning – it’s not all nice & censored like the text version)

Escape from Kitty Gitmo!

It looks like one of the inhumanely-treated detainees at Kitty Gitmo has finally won release from the Hell On Earth they have been through for the past week:


For the love of God, shake the carrier, please. I want to make sure you aren’t pretending the cat’s still alive in order to dodge responsibility for its death by torture in your bloody hands.
But wait… what’s this…

It’s a grill! They’re going to cook the kitties! We’ve been watching the feline equivalent of a lobster tank all this time!
Oh, the humanity!

And they’re being forced to live with the guy who played Screech in that Saved By The Bell television series!
When will this nightmare end?


UPDATE:
The following message is on the Meow Mix House webcams:

The Meow Mix House webcams are no longer in operation. But you can still catch all the feline action by watching the latest episodes! Read our cat-testants innermost thoughts in the blogs, visit the picture gallery, and don’t forget to vote for your favorite cat to win the viewers’ choice award.

Obviously, the Meow Mix Corporation is terrified of having their nefarious and disgusting plans to cook and eat ten innocent, sweet kittycats revealed by yours truly, so they have shut down all public access to the scene of their crimes against felinity.
Free the prisoners of Kitty Gitmo! Close Kitty Gitmo now!

Another Prick In The Wall

Roger Waters spraypaints the Separation Barrier outside of Bethlehem:


Yes, you are, Roger. Now go sit in David Gilmour’s shadow and sulk some more.

Just Passing the Time in Afghanistan

(click to enlarge)

To relieve boredom on the tarmac, these Air Force ground crewmen prepare to re-enact the airplane fight scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
[Real story available at CENTCOM]

Friday Catblogging

Since it’s Friday, I thought I’d spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka “I-MEOW”).
Sure, some of the IMAO bloggers have cats, but we all know that I’m the least-funny of the IMAO bloggers, so I’m the one who’s stuck to resorting to cat photos and fart jokes.
Anyway, it’s time for Edloe the Grumpus:


If you’re not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that “political humor” thing, it doesn’t. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Edloe is… um…
Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.


You can find more examples of Friday catblogging by searching a blog search engine such as Technorati for “catblogging.”
You can also find a roundup of catblogging posts at The Friday Ark, located at The Modulator blog. Then, when the weekend is nearly over, head over to The Carnival of the Cats for more kitty goodness. There’s also a Flikr Group called Furry Friday.
Add to that Weekend Catblogging at Eatstuff.
Anybody I miss?

Just Wondering

Is there an official name for that “move your head from side to side while wagging your finger back & forth” thing that black women do?

A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Part 6 – Courtship

BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 5)


“So what are you guys planning on spending your gift certificates on?” Bryce had changed out of his uniform into what looked like a brand new suit. The four were standing outside of the military base, and none had said much since the debrief with the General.
“They tried to kill us!” Lulu screamed. She was now wearing a short skirt and a t-shirt with bunnies on it. With her pigtails, she looked more like she just got out of class than came from a battlefield. “I can’t believe they tried to kill us! I’m just glad he gave us gift certificates because, after all of that slaughter, I really need to shop.” She turned to Charlene. “Can they really do that? Can they just send us out to die? I’m so mad, I’m really thinking of writing someone an angry letter… maybe with swears in it.”
Charlene was still expressionless. When she had changed, she’d let her long brown hair out of her pony tail and put on a leather jacket. For a petite, five-foot woman, Doug thought she had a pretty intimidating presence. After a couple seconds, she looked up at Lulu. “We are in no position to question the leadership. If General Daniels has done anything improper in assigning us to that mission, it will be dealt with. It is not our responsibility to make that assessment, though, and the command structure will collapse if we try and take on that responsibility.”
Bryce laughed. “Wow. You’re a real piece of work there, Charlene. We’re not being listened to by the government, so spare us the loyal drone spiel.”
Her expression turned fierce. “Before the battle, I remarked that the squad was full of incompetents who deserved death, and I stand by that. I speak only what I believe and nothing else, and I am loyal to our divine Empress.”
“It takes a twisted mind to pretend that battle was anything other than a pointless slaughter. Plus, I hate to break it to you, but I recently heard a rumor that Proserpine is an alien.” Bryce smiled and looked at Doug. “I think this one might actually be dumber than you.”
“Hey!” Doug punched Bryce in the shoulder. “Lay off her!”
Bryce backed away looking surprised. “Okay; calm down.” Doug surprised himself. He had barely ever gotten angry at his best friend, but Charlene, despite her outward appearances, seemed a bit sad about something. Doug just couldn’t stand watching Bryce treat her the way Bryce usually treated people.
“Let’s get to the mall, Charlene,” Lulu said. “I’m not as happy about the slaughter as you are, and I need to at least get some new shoes or something.”
Bryce grabbed Doug by his jacket collar and whispered, “You need to ask Charlene out before they leave.”
Doug turned red. “I dunno. She’s just so–”
“Let me see your gift certificate.” Doug took it out of his jacket pocket. Bryce quickly snatched it. “Now it’s mine.”
“Hey! I earned that!”
Bryce put it away in his suit. “You won’t get it back until you ask Charlene out. Tell her to meet you at the corner of Geist and Minton at eight for dinner. It will be my treat.”
Doug glared at Bryce and then jogged after Charlene who was already walking off with Lulu. “Hey, Charlene.”
She turned around. “What?”
Doug couldn’t help but sink from her gaze. “I was… uh… just wondering if… uh… you like dinner and… uh…”
“Are you asking me out?” Her expression was one of contempt.
“Well, it’s just…”
“I am a great soldier of the divine Empress’s army; how dare you ask me out in such a timid manner!”
“I’m sorry.” Defeated, Doug turned to walk away.
“And you’re retreating!” Charlene grabbed Doug and yanked him back. “You dishonor your uniform. Stand up straight and do that again.”
Doug again faced Charlene, who was staring back intensely. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Bryce had split off Lulu and was talking to her. Doug stood at attention, met Charlene’s gaze, and said, “I was thinking, that… you know… if you don’t have anything better to do…”
“I can barely hear you!”
“It’s just that… uh…”
“Stop stuttering and get to the point!”
“Can I take you out to dinner? You’re pretty!”
Charlene thought about that for a moment, not breaking her gaze with Doug’s. “Fine… but just because we’re soldiers who fought together. Don’t consider it a date. Where are we going?”
“Just meet me at Geist and Minton at eight, and I’ll surprise you.”
“Okay.” Charlene about-faced and called out, “Come on, Lulu.” Lulu waved goodbye to Bryce then Doug and walked off with Charlene.
When the women were far enough away, Doug turned to Bryce and pumped his fists in the air. “I did it.”
Bryce handed Doug back his gift certificate. “Yeah, I saw. Makes me sorry I made you do that.”
“But I like her. So what restaurant is near Geist and Minton?”
Bryce shrugged. “I don’t know if there is any. Come on, we need to get some things from my place.”
“What? Hey, this isn’t part of your new scheme, is it?”
Bryce straightened his tie. “It’s not a scheme; it’s a plan. And, yes, Lulu and Charlene now factor into it.”
“I don’t think it’s right for you to trick them into whatever it is you’re going to do. They’ve just been through a lot.”
“That reminds me: I still don’t know who it was we just fought… but I guess I’m just too embarrassed to ask at this point.” He headed down the street. “Let’s go. Oh, and there’s more than a small possibility that some people will be following us who want to do me harm, so keep an eye out.”
“Okay.” Doug followed Bryce for a few seconds until his brain kicked in. “Wait; what was that last part?”
NEXT

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Kos Korruption!

Apparently, Kos has some sort of political scandal going on as revealed by The New Republic (WARNING: THIS IS A LINK TO THE DAILY KOS!!!!1!!!!!1!!! Kos mad!). I don’t understand what the scandal is about, as even the Puppy Blender’s summary involves many many words. Still, we have to ask ourselves: Since we know that Kos is currently plotting to kill us and steal our blood, is it too far-fetched for him to be involved in some scandal of some sort.
It is not far-fetched at all!
I call on Kos to resign from whatever it is he does and apologize for whatever it is he did. That’s the only way to restore peace to whatever it is we’re trying to protect.

Links of the Day

Right Wing News has his list of the 29 Worst People In America (plus 4 honorable mentions).
Matty O’Blackfive has two excellent videos: “Brokeback Zarqawi” and “Lazy Ramadi”
If you like terrorist-killin’ songs, you’ll probably like TFS Magnum’s “Die al-Qaeda” and The Outlaw Republican’s “Marines Went Down To Baghdad

Top Ten: Is Superman Gay?

Is Superman Gay?
I never thought twice about it but it seems to be generating a lot of buzz. How can we know that this latest movie version of Superman is gay? Does he change into his tights at Interstate Rest Area Bathrooms? Does he wear a rainbow colored cape? Does the movie end with Lex Luthor in jail and Superman pining: “I wish I could quit you.” ?
This is why you visit IMAO: To get the answers to life’s most pressing questions.
Is Superman Gay?
Top Ten Changes to the Movie That Tell Us Superrman Might Be Gay
10. No rescues performed while Ellen DeGeneres is on.
**
9. New crime-fighting uniform features a pair of leather chaps.
**
8. Fortress of Solitude gets a pink paint job — and a bidet.
**
7. Ends all rescues with the phrase , “That was so fab-ooooo!”
**
6. New weaknesses include kryptonite, lead, and Ryan Seacrest.
**
5, Constantly asking bank robbers: “Is that a gun in your pocket?”
**
4. Runs into burning buildings. Keeps “accidentally” rescuing the firemen.
**
3. Takes all captured criminals to the cop from the Village People
**
2. Superman’s new secret identity: Cher.
**
And the number one change to this movie that tells us Superman just might be gay–

1. The new Lois Lane has an Adam’s apple.

Less Offensive Terrorist Killin’ Song

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
A Marine wrote a song called “Hadji Girl” (video here, lyrics here) that was described as “contrary to the high standards expected of all Marines” by Marine Major Gabrielle Chapin.
Since Marines aren’t known for their sensitivity, I have to assume that the objection was that it didn’t have enough brutal terrorist-killin’. So to show my support for the Marines, I wrote a sprightly little ditty that’s – hopefully – a little less respectful of bloodthirsty Islamofascists.
CONTENT WARNING: contains censored profanity, violent imagery, disrespectful references to terrorist sexual preferences, and other assorted not-very-niceness, so it’s in the extended entry…

Continue reading ‘Less Offensive Terrorist Killin’ Song’ »

We Found What Now?

Sen. Rick Santorum announced that we had found WMDs in Iraq. Some of you may be too young to remember, but a long time ago we were actually looking for those in Iraq and expected to find them. When that (apparently) didn’t work out, we then set our sights on constructing in Iraq something even more destructive – democracy!
So, is Santorum right? Did we find what everyone thought we’d find but didn’t find and then everybody said it was dumb to think it was there? Well, I know Santorum. I was at his victory party in 2000 where we waited (to no avail) for the Presidential election results to come in, and, at one point, he briefly glanced at me. Knowing him so well, I can say I trust what he says. That means Iraq had WMDs and was a grave threat to America, and liberals are all dumb and wrong to ever oppose our mission.
Dumb and wrong.
That’s all I have to say for now.