Okay, so the second-richest woman in England is teasing her adoring readers with the possibility that a pair of major characters will croak in the final chapter of the Harry Potter series of books.
“I wrote the final chapter in something like 1990, so I’ve known exactly how the series is going to end,” she told a chat show on Channel 4 television.
“The final chapter is hidden away although it’s now changed very slightly. One character got a reprieve. But I have to say two die that I didn’t intend to die,” Rowling said.
“A price has to be paid, we are dealing with pure evil here. They don’t target extras, do they? They go for the main characters — well, I do.”
Asked whether one of the casualties would be Potter himself, Rowling said she had never been tempted to kill off the magician before the finale.
At the same time, she added: “I can completely understand, however, the mentality of an author who thinks, ‘Well I’m gonna kill them off because that means there can be no non-author written sequels. So it will end with me and after I’m dead and gone they won’t be able to bring back the character’.”
Which makes perfect sense if you think about it. Kill the major roles that people would want to profit from and leave the dregs behind for the public to snear at and pass over.
I mean, nobody’s clamoring for a series of novels telling the legions of Jar Jar Binks fans what the Gungan pain in the ass was up to between the third and fourth movies. (Unless it’s a cookbook… mmmm… Maple Planked Jack Daniels Sauce Gungan!)
So it makes sense that Rowling won’t be settling for stuffing Dobby the Elf in a stewpot or laying Crabbe low with a freak rollerskating accident. This one needs to be nailed shut.
So how will Harry Potter die? Well, it depends on who you ask…
Representative John Murtha (D-PA): Harry Potter will be drafted into the British Army, deployed to Iraq, and killed in an IED explosion as he goes out on patrol.
Bill and Melinda Gates: AIDS. Or one of 19 other diseases that can be cured if only he had enough money in his Foundation now that he’s tired of constantly having to fix Windows and Internet Explorer bugs – I mean features!
Daniel Pipes: Radical Islam. Radical Muslims riot in London, and George Galloway manages to sieze power somehow (based on his “Big Brother” appearance, it can be assumed he disguises himself in the Queen’ clothing and put son her crown). Abu Hamsa Al-Masri is released from prison, declares Harry Potter to be an enemy of the Caliphate, and the berserk bloodthirsty crowd ends up tearing the young man to pieces.
Mitch Bainwol (CEO RIAA): Illegal downloads. Or possibly a very large truck.
Representative Cynthia McKinney (D-UH): Racist White people.
Al Gore: Global Warming. Harry will notice a slight discoloration on his skin, go to a doctor to have it looked at, and discover that the loss of the Ozone Layer has allowed harmful Ultraviolet rays to give him skin cancer. But instead of it being a melanoma, it will just be a begnin growth which easy to removed. However, the doctor’s knife will slip and will stab him in the heart.
Aquaman: Well, I don’t know, but he won’t drown. Unless I’m busy cleaning my fishtank, because I’ve really got to do a better job of cleaning that fishtank. Did you hear that Whole Foods is going to stop selling lob- hey, why are you turning the camera off?
Jim Cramer: HARRY POTTER DYING? NYAAAAAARGH! THAT’S GOING TO SLAM SCHOLASTIC STOCK LIKE A HAMMER! SEE! I HAVE A HAMMER! NYAAAAAARGH! AND I’M GLOING TO SLAM THIS PLAYSKOOL MODEL OF A SCHOOL! WOW! NYAAAAAARGH! YOU’RE REALLY STUPID FOR BUYING THAT STOCK AND NOT GETTING OUT WHEN THE PRICE WAS AT A HIGH! NYAAAAAARGH!
Reverend Fred Phelps: Obviously, it was the Jews. They killed Jesus, right? Oh, and them homosexuals getting married, too. They’re not just killing Harry Potter, but America, too. And we deserve it all.
That didn’t work for Jurassic Park — killed off most of the characters, then, in the sequel, they were all back with nothing mentioned…
My guess is that he’ll get in a car driven by a member of the Kennedy family.
“Whatever the cause, it’s Bush’s fault” – KOS
By the end of the final book, Harry’s pact with Satan will be fulfilled and his soul will be tossed into the fiery pits of Hell- DUH!!
I know this is comedy and all, but duh people. Like anybody who has read the books hasn’t seen this coming. The only question is whether she has the guts to actually go where she has been pointing or whether she writes Harry a lame way out at the last minute.
Somehow Harry became a Horcrux on the night his parents died so the only way out is to eliminate the other backup copies and then take the bastard out with him in a big kaboom.
Here’s what’s going to happen. As he sees the budding relationship between Ron and Hermione develop, Harry will become more and more distraught, finally confronting the love of his life after potions class one day.
“But Ron, I thought you loved me.” to which Ron will respond, “sod off, poof.” And Ron and Hermione walk off laughing. Then Harry will slip into a self destructive booze and wizard porn binge and off himself in an elaborate autoerotic asphyxiation setup that involves three house elves, plenty of rope, his wand, and a crumpled image of Richard Harris from the sun dance scene in the film “A Man Called Horse.”
They can’t kill Harry! What I expect to happen is he will live while Ron and Hermione get killed by Voldemort. Scarred by the incident, he because a gruff Auror who doesn’t play by the rules known as “Dirty” Harry Potter.
He visits New Orleans and is killed by a roving band of magical tranvestites. Transvestites are magical, right?
He did become a horcrux but he takes that out with a lobotomy. Then he is wandering London (what else do brainless people do) and gets burned at the stake by Christians. Voldemort doesn’t die; he succeeds Osama when the US nukes his cave (possibly on the moon).
The magical transvestites comment was funny.
“It’s a fair cop, but society is to blame.”
Clearly the first major character to die will be Ron.
The second character to die though is the real shocker that none of us have guessed. Having fulfilled her deal with Satan to write a series that outsells the Bible it will be time for J.K Rowling to pay up, by writing in a seeming innocent spell that delivers all our souls to Satan and begins the Apocalypse. The second major character to die therefore will be… all of us; the readers.
Granted, I’ve not exactly studied the books in detail like some, but I thought the prophesy was that either Harry or Valdemort die, so I agree that it’s probably Ron and Hermione, maybe to buy enough time for Harry to get ‘er done. You know – unless Harry survives Valdemort by like two pages. It would be funny, though, if he did end up being Minister of Magic and all like that prophesy that divinations prof did.
I find it amusing that while in some ways avoiding the whole “hero of a thousand faces” pattern for most of the series, she falls right into the Joseph Campbell pattern for the last two.
Given her comment about killing characters to avoid getting them brought back by other authors, she’s ignoring the whole Star Wars/Star Trek novel bit – there could be many prequels and spin-offs with minor characters. It’s probably why she’s telling Voldemort’s backstory in detail now to try to avoid that novel having to be written by someone else (or by her due to fan pressure).
SarahK, what do you think? I remember your vents about Mancow….so…how do you think Harry is going to bite it?
Hey Lair, can I add Harry Potter to my Dead pool list for next year? LOL!!!!
Actually, Harry will be killed by Percy Weasly after he learns that Harry has knocked up his younger sister Ginny.
Voldemort will be killed by Neville Longbottom, since he’s the real choosen one, Harry’s just a ‘git.
He probably would have been alright except becomes notoriously politically correct. Hermione convinces him that Valdemort isn’t bad but just misunderstood and need therapy or some such nonsense. Voldemort, having come to term with being an evil bad-a$$ just fries both of them while they try to talk to him about his feelings and he expires while they try and find an ER that hasn’t been shut down or overcrowded by illegal aliens….
Vol, for sure. I mean… after trying to whack him for all the books… finally!! But it will be a close call…many tribulations… kinda like the last book of the New Testament 😉 Nuff said!
I’m not sure I buy the whole “Harry is a Horcrux” idea, but I do think he’s a goner, in some sense. There are so many parallels between the Harry Potter books and the ultimate battle between good and evil (see John Granger’s “Looking for God in Harry Potter”), and I think that Harry has to have some sort of death in order to defeat Voldemort, who will be defeated in the end. But I’m not sure Harry’s will be a literal physical death. Maybe I’m a little dull, but Rowling has managed to surprise me many times through the first 6 books — I’m definitely looking forward to the 7th.
I also think Snape’s going to get it. I agree with what I think is LaShawn Barber’s theory that Snape is really a good guy. That doesn’t mean I like him, but I do think he’s possibly been reformed from his time as a death eater.
And the above comment about the possibility that Neville will take out Voldemort — no way. Neville will likely have a role to play as one of the good guys, but the message Rowling sent through Dumbledore is very clear — it’s all about our choices. It’s not about our destiny, out of our control and such. It’s about what we choose. At the end of the 4th movie/book, Dumbledore talks about how a choice is coming after Voldemort kills Cedric Diggory, the choice between what is good and what is easy. Earlier in the series, after Harry pulls the Gryffindor sword out of the Sorting Hat, during the conversation where Harry questions Dumbledore about similarities he’s noticed between himself and Voldemort, about how Harry and Voldemort are so different simply because they make different choices. So I do think the “prophecy” about neither Harry nor Voldemort surviving while the other lives will end up coming true, but not just because Trelawney predicted it — it’ll come true because Harry will choose to make it so, even if there are sacrifices to be made in the process.
The hopeful part of me would like to see Harry survive and end up with Ginny, and for Ron and Hermoine to live happily ever after. But that’s not gritty and real enough for Rowling, I don’t think. I’m fairly certain that we’ll see more than 2 characters die in the final book.
Who is this Harry Potter? Oh he’s from middle earth. I see. He’s Frodo’s younger brother. That explains it all. Is he a monkey-faced lib? Curious people want to know.
He looses the magic. Thus, too, a part of his world.
I Don’t care much about Potter either way. I do however like the idea of a Jar Jar Binks spin off.